i know what you want...

you ever get a call from someone and you know exactly what they want? ... bet the farm on what this person/friend/ family member is looking for...

cracks me up...

got a telephone call....yes...an actual telephone call...not a celly..not a text...not an email...but my home phone actually rang...this person calling asked to speak to scorr saunders....i know who this person is...see, back awhile ago, i gave some money to the republican party...i remember filling out the form and sending the check....sometimes, most of the time, my handwriting can get quite messy and i guess the dumbasses at the RNC thought the 2 t's in SCOTT were 2 r's....WTF is that about...?

HOw many mudder fuggen scorrs do you know? have you met a fella named scorr before..? so when the fellas from the repub party call and ask for SCORR, i laugh my fatass (i have back fat...first time ever...roll tide) OFF! i tell these fuggers to quit calling my ass....tell them my name isnt SCORR...and im about to go democrat if they keep calling me fuggen SCORR!

actually, scorr is a pretty cool name...everyone wants to scorr....you scorr a goal...you scorr a gal....you scorr some booze...you scorr some other bad stuff and such....scorring is cool, so i just might have to go with that one eh? HE SHOOTS HE SCORRS!

also, there are those old friendships that are always rekindled....but this rekindling is more of a one way street....this is the call you get from someone that is looking for a favor...looking for something that will inevitably put you in some kind of hole while the "old buddy" is burying you with shovels full of shit...thanks mate...

ring ring....

hello...

hey bro whats up... (fake talk for 30 minutes....then the hammer) ....i need some help here...

i immediately bend over and assume the assfugg position...

i wish bastids like this would just jump to it...forget the ass kissing bullshit...."wife and kids good...oh and how are your folks?" this person doesnt fuggen care, so why bother...?

what the fugg do you want dude? just say it...

these are those friends we ALL have....you kind of forget what they look like because you havent seen them in years...you really dont care that you havent seen them in years too...things were cool back in the day, but weve all moved on....

the repubs called me about 30 minutes ago...."is Scorr there?"...LMFAO!...guess they want cash....i always offer them advice for free, but i guess thats not good enough...

scorr one for the good guys

nf fuggen L draft...

tuned in last night....the entire show...first rounders picked...and well...my once mighty oakland raiders sat that one out apparently...me thinks al fuggen dumbass davis probably traded out of his first round pick this year ....most likely, the raiders got some bum whos now smoking crack in between trash collection shifts...oh and the fella probably ran a 4.2 40....

actually the pats got the raids first round pick and spent it on some tall lanky lineman outa colorado.....solder....his name is solder...hello solder...see you in between trash collection shifts...

i see the raids do have a pick in the second round...im anxiously awaiting al "the grim reaper's" pick..

the raids have blown it so badly on draft day up until about 3 drafts ago....they have had strong picks...ceptin jamarcus" syrup (codeine)" russell....that fat ass had one good game in college and al davis picked him first...first in the entire draft...this guy had a gun...but too bad he needs a gun now to fend off thugs while in between his trash collection shifts....this jruss dude stole about 30 million from the once mighty oakland raiders...he got so fat after being drafted! ...how fat was he?.....im not going to answer because i dont think those jokes are very funny...im so fat now, this kind of humor hurts my feelings...

espn and mel kiper are, once again, just about wrong every single pick....these idiots look like complete fools when these teams make picks that they didnt predict....uhhh...ummm...

just about every one of the once mighty oakland raider picks get a chuckle from these espn fellas...then they have to scramble to get footage of the raider picks...the words "reach" "holy shit" and "convicted felon" spew out these pundits pie holes on every raider selection...

happy draft weekend fellas! and gals...!

try your best...do your best...

im guilty of saying these things to others...myself...wifey...kids..

wtf does this mean tho? we get notes from kids skewl from time to time....most very good...some not so...today for instance....

teacher tells me/us that one of me chillin isnt doing so well in science....actually not so good at all...i tell my kids that all they need to do is try their best...do their best, and thats all we can ask...and when they try their best and do their best, good things happen...

well this thinking gives them an out...and gives us an argument...

"i got a D but i tried my best...just as you ask of me"

bullshit!

these kids are too smart to make poor grades...and in todays overly competitive marketplace and schools under the gun so much that grade fabrication is the norm..., getting a D is pretty much inexcusable...

so what does one say?

i say FUGGET!.... sprinkling grades like this from time to time will most definitely throw them out of the "expensive college" game! wooooo fuggggen hoooooo!

same goes for sports...when i play...i never, ever feel like i gave it my all....because i didnt...and i never have! anyone who tells you that they gave it their best....tried their best...gave it their all is so full of shit their eyes are of a brown , speckled corn hue...(thats gross)

business too....i did my best...rrrrrriiiiight....no such thing...there is no best of anything..best of anyone...best effort...best try...it flat out doesnt exist.....

i was convinced of this when i found out that yoda couldnt beat palpatine....when obi wan left vader to die without slicing him dead...fuggen loser....finish the job man! he couldve saved millions....

"do or do not...there is no try"

hello mizzou!

great weather eh?

its storming....again...and again...this spring....fuggen too wet..hey at least we dont have to load up the yak to go yakin...we do that in our side and front yard...we have a class 3 rapid when the rain gets a goin...seriously!

last winter....too cold and snowy....and icy..

betcha this summer is hot/humid=miserable...

its ok, we always have Fall to fall on....our falls kick ass...unless it is cold and rainy...and you actually look forward to daylight savings time ending...so at least youre miserable and depressed in the dark...

our city leads the world in murders....our county/my county is full of snobs and fags...not the homo fags....just fags...guys named tristan and jeremy...fags that name their vacuums tristan...

no one in my hood really knows each other...and thats kind of a great thing....we all do our own thing....id be afraid of getting arrested if my neighbors got to know me too well....

as you can tell by now, nothing really funny or stupid has happened to me as of late...

it is wifeys bday week, so im aboooot to go to mall and get her sumtin...id heard that nordstrom is selling this perfume that is assured to make your gal a horn dog....i ordered a case of it....with my luck, this will backfire....and wifey will leave me for fat mike...my carwash worker tard...

4 man scrambles suck!

playing in one today....noon gunner...pissed because i vowed not to play in one of these this year....they fugg your game up so much...too long... so gay...

this one will be horrible...norwood hills cc...known to pack em in...probably 3 groups per hole...6 hours is norm...

the worst is when they have the pinnacle long hitter fags on a selected tee box...this d bag usually goes into a spiel about how great he is and how many competitions he has won over the last 10 years...he hits 5 balls and every fuggen one of em is way out of bounds...not even in play...oh yeah, you have to pay for his services too....thanks chief, pal, guy....after his 5th ball travels off the entire golf course grounds, he then informs that you get to place your ball 150 yards from the hole... next!

then the chatter and banter with the 2 fellas in your group whom you dont know and dont give a shit to know any better....6 hours of being stuck with a total d bag....one of the guys will be cool because thats how it usually works out statistically...

so, my buddy who invited me is cool....theres me (totally cool)...there will be a dousche (how do you spell this word anyway???) bag....and there will be one that is tolerable...im sure ill be the d bag to those other 2 fellas....thats usually how it works ...after round...we will tell each other how much fun we had and what great times we had, while you/they tell yourself/themselves how it sucked so bad...

i predict that we will make that one putt that will keep us out of first place in the second cut....so we will be last place in the A division....always werks out that way too...

there goes my game...in flames...scrambles suck!

bunny hunt

tomorrow is bunny day...i enjoy bunnies...ski bunnies...playboy bunnies...bunny is a great word...bun is in bunny...i love buns..im an ass man....totally....love that body part...

hotdogs and brats are no good without a bun...

manana, while many are on their easter egg hunts....wifey and i are goin in deep...storage room clean out...this outa be great...im kind of stoked about it really...i know we will find shit that has been missing for years...some cool...most will be of the "why the fugg did we buy this?" category.......did a little recon today and found some valuable coins..found some old pics of the kids...wifey...and yours truly...man i was a good looking lad back in the day....now im hideous..look away!

nooo dooooot we will encounter some creepy crawlies...thats when wifey will scream and demand instant action from me...kill squad...move on....i hate bugs...worthless critters...i freak out when they crawl on me...canoe trips are the worst...im always the one that gets that nasty worm nest in my face....that is one nasty ass experience...instead of water boarding terrorist for info, the cia should consider rubbing one of these nasty worm nests in their fuggen faces...i would give up my mom with the mere threat of a worm nest rubbing....

.wifey...tho...is the queen of scream when it comes to bugs....its quite entertaining...


i love throwing shit out....wifey enjoys holding on for dear life...

worm nests suck!!!!

happy fuggen easter!

its bad parenting friday...tips from the dawg...