braces...

bubbas had a 7am orthodontist appointment this am....i overslept..and they missed it...i rescheduled..no harm no foul..

and this got me to thinkin..what the? why the?

every fuggen kid gets braces these days...you dont see a kid without em....and when you do see a kid without them, they are either getting them soon or they just got them taken off...

these bastards (braces) cost from 4 to 6 k...my kids are in the six range because they go to the fuggen taj mahal for their braces work....this place is sweet....video games...kitchenette...great magazines...awesome comfy furniture...plush carpet....peppy as all get out receptionists...best part about the ortho office is their big ole jar of wintergreen life savers....i stock up for the rainy day on those bastards...pockets a bulging...i dont care..i pay for this shit...

all of my kids have or had braces...spend out the ass for those bad boys....

the after braces stage...what a waste...one kiddo get braces off, there is a maintenance stage that includes the 1000 retainers they toss in the school garbage can...oh no worries little one, ill just fork out another 200 for another useless piece of shit plastic molding! i got it!

now a days, kids get to order up new colors....one of my boys got black bands...he looked like he needed to brush the shit out of his teeth every time i saw him...."dude, you got shit on your teeth!"

"no dad, those are my bands!"

rinse repeat...

even stranger...adults are wearing braces...theyre everywhere...wtf?..i mean youve lived your life thru adolescence...at 21 you party....soon after u get married er whatever...growing up..buying shit..and then you decide to get fuggen braces?????

never had braces...always told i had the perfect bite...my lower teeth are all snaggly...but who the fugg cares about the lower teefes?

kids ortho drives a sweet Porsche....after all is said and done, he will be driving his porsche by my new homestead...the van down by the river....maybe hell stop by and join me for some government cheese...of squeeze variety...

maz fuggen matics!

everything and i mean everything is a mathmatical equation...name it and there is an equation for it...a question you have say eh?....i have a mathmatical equation for you to help you answer...

my formulas all have the CONSTANT (c) which equals wifeys feelings on the matter

examples:

Q: ok dawg...i need to know whether of not i should buy a new set of mizuno mp irons?

answer: whats your handicap? x number of rounds played per year/(c) + cost of your other set of mizunos C bought for you last year and you want to hang onto because they are mizunos and they rule but i really want that new set!

Q: should i invest in this stock?

answer: (how much cash do u have to invest x number of years left in your life) x cost of a divorce/(c)

Q: swimming pool?

answer: 3 x (c)/ the most expensive bid + (c) x 10

Q: where do we go on vaca?

answer: hawaii/10 x lake of the ozarks/(c)

Q: its my fault right?

answer: (oh shit x fuggen a) x 425,000 x (c)10/years left on your life x attoneys fees + court fees/ govt cheese cost + van down by the river expense x (c)

Q: how ya duin today?

answer: (c)

Q: what should i drink tonite?

answer: ( (makers x shit food one eats when drinking) /lbs gained over winter ) - (if attitude going in is > than "i fuggen hate everything" then.... x (c) /govt cheese costs))

or (if attitude is = to or > than " solid FREE AND EZ?" then x govt cheese costs/(c)

Q: gettin lucky tonite bro?

answer: (C)

Q: what do i do?

answer: (( C) x 10000000000) + ((c ) x 10000000000)