skewl starts tooooo morrow!

fuggyah! my favorite fuggen day of the year...!!!! get them little bastards back to skewl and out of my existence! i mean out!!! im counting the days....i hope these bastids dont think they are coming home to live at home after college....guess i need to buy some extra shot gun rounds for my standoff! no fuggen way youre taking the hill...ill fight to the death....they are on their own!

i guess people have kids because they feel the need to pass on their awesome family traits to our world....or they forgot to put on rubber...or take the pill...some have kids to save their marriages...some need them for help around the farm or crack house....earl woods had his kid to be tiger woods...when i first of tiger woods i couldnt believe that someone would name their stupid , retard kid 'TIGER"....then i found out his real name is eldrick...earl woods shouldve been shot for that..wtf is an eldrick...old dick...elder rick...??? stupid ass clown....tiger woods is kinda gay...

i was a kid once you say...? yes i was...and i was a little fuggtard bastard too...i probably kept my parents up...made them nervous....pissed all over the bathroom....made mess after mess...asked for money and got it only to blow it on stupid retard shit...broke windows...broke countless bones....ate everything in existence...grew out of my shoes weekly...grew out of my clothes monthly...fought everyday with my sibling....

evidently mom forgot her pill...or dad forgot the trojan.....or they needed help around the crack house....

plop plop fizz

syd drops her crackberry in the toilet
ferf leaves his celly at kc airport
awnys fone goes in the pool...forgot it was in his pocket

3 weeks....3 claims....

we pay dearly for this shit....and kids dont fuggen care....

i told my sons today.....dont get married...and dont have kids....i told them that women act like their sister.....they understood....roger that dad!

tell the brats to not charge shit at club....cha ching...syd goes off on the gas card...prob buying gas for her dumb friends...cable bill comes...2 movies ordered when we have 30 fuggen movie stations...

fuggen syd...shes so nice...ask her to run an errand....or take bubs to a friends house...and she freaks...its my gas! uh no...we pay for everything you stupid asshole!

after a month of golf shankyips....and this crap....im ready for holiday road...my bud in socal is waiting for the knock on the door....one day ill come a knockin! loaded up and ready......gof clubs...makers and dip....

im pouring me a makes...later

greatness!

this poor bastard..all that shit he bought for junior will be his demise...if he survives....poor junior!!!

i hate your kids

you ever get that "look" from other parents? the look of "oh dont you think my kid is so cute" as the little fugger is kicking you in the shins...the same shin you just so happen to have shingles on. i know , dont end a sentence with a preposition...whatever..

people generally suck...and they create even more suckier kids by being sucky parents. i hate that "look!".... everyone gets the "look." it absolutely kills me. you walk by a family...mom and dad look at you... then look at their angels...then look at you hoping you are looking at their angels.. "look how cute my brood is...arent they special?" i get this everyday and it needs to end... i dont care about your kids. i dont like your kids...i hate your kids...(hate is a strong word..but it matches my title line)

you ever have a little kid punch you in the nuts? we all have...and dad is there laughing..."hey..great punch jr..im so proud" happened several times to me..kid just pops you an uppercut directly to the ballsack...
what do you do? i know what i wanted to do...wanted to "ray guy" punt the little pos.

i was in branson mo this last weekend with my bro in law. .kidless...beeeeeeuuutiful...golf sat and sunday...naps...great food...stayed at a very nice hilton...the hilton was a part of Branson Landing...( if you ever go to branson, stay at this hilton, golf at branson creek and the payne stewart carse...and eat every meal ...every meal at Cantina Laredo!) a mixed use entertainment center...very very nice for branson....unfortunately the people that frequent this place dont quite fit the demo the developers had in mind...i digress...

my point is this "look" i get doesnt just come from tristan yuppie and his stepford wife...it also comes from earl dub wide and wifey....got this "look" over and over again as i walked the outdoor shopping area....got the "look" at bass pro shops...even the harley biker dad and biker beotch gave me the "look"...."look, my kids are wearing the same harley shirt dad is wearing! see! see...! im watching you to see if you are watching them cuz thats all important to me and my entire purpose!"

everyone is so proud of their kids..why?

note to public: im not watching your kids....i dont care about your kids and how cute they are..i dont care what they are wearing...i can care less about how well they sing...how many goals they score...i am watching for the uppercut to the netheregions tho...a ray guy boomer will soon follow