golf rules blow...my rules rule

golf rules pretty much suck....they were drawn up by a bunch of fuggen drunk fatasses...the game is hard enough as it is...

why the fugg do you need to add a stroke if your golf ball rolls a little after you address the ball? it makes zero sense..if your ball moves a little during your swing, and you hit it...stroke! wouldnt the moving ball make it harder to strike the shot you were looking for? isnt that penalty enough? your ball moves on the green...after you address it....stroke!...bullshit stupid ass crap...why? shit like this makes golf no fun...bunch of anal assholes...

golf rules really suck...

ok...your tee shot crosses the evil white stakes on the side of the hole...out of bounds...oscar delahoya...ob city...ob won kenobi...so the rules state that you must re tee and take a penalty...so youre hitting 3...golf is a long day anyway...i say fugg the ob rule and play it as a lateral...speeds up play...makes golf less aggravating...if you play a course that is surrounded by houses, youll love my rule..

all the other rules in golf are ok with me... i really dont like the "no grounding the club in a hazard" rule much, but i can live with it...

golf would be great if theyd change it up a bit...the saundoggy rules

1. no stroke and distance for OB

2. no stroke for oscillating balls

3. must finish in 4 hours max for 18 holes...if your group doesnt finish in 4 or less....you get kicked off the track...no questions asked...the asians are the worst....those little fuggers take their sweet ass time...the dbags that think they are freddy fuggen couples are worse...these fuggers read the green from every fuggen angle....they take 10 practice swings...then proceed to hit a shank OB...fugg them! nothing makes golf more fugged up than a 5 to 6 hour round...there is no way this should happen...

4. if you smoke..dont fuggen toss your butt on the track! if you chew or dip (me)...do not spit on the greens or the tee boxes....makes sense eh?

5. practice swings....i dont take any...i feel like my best swing will be my first...so i just go with that and it usually works....if you do take practice swings....you get a max of 2....if more, that is a penalty stroke! enough already...hit the fuggen ball mortimer!

6. cell phones...i have no problem with cell phones...as long as ringer is on vibrate...

7. golf dess....i like looking decent when i golf and everyone should too..i like to play with shirt untucked and i get kind of pissed when the pro tells me to tuck in me shirt. cargo pants should be allowed as well..

8. divots, ball marks, raking all these repairs must be done at all times..no excuses

9. reading greens...youre only able to read the green from behind your ball...thats it..no side reads...no front reads....just get behind your ball...look at it BRIEFLY...and putt the damn ball...and move on!

10. breakfast ball mandatory, if you chose... on hole one....and thats it...no other mullys..for amateurs only..we need to get our rounds off to a good start...

11. bump the ball only when course is in shit condition...if track is in fair condition...play it down...i find you make better contact when you play it down...anger gives you focus!

satans greenspace

driving range...instead of eating lunch..

this is the most evil of places...especially if youre retarded enough to order up a FAMILY sized bucket o rocks...144 balls.....why the fugg did i do this? ill tell you why....ima dumbass..

the first 20 were pure...then what...? i look down at the 124 remaining pieces of shit and well....i have to hit them...shank...oh shit...shank...wtf!!!? rinse and repeat....a wise man would leave them there for another poor sap to hack at...but no...im too cheap to let them be....so i continue to fail...and fail...again and again...over and over again...

problem is...i cant stop....i need to figure it out...and i did...i wasnt turning...so i got it back...by then, i have about 30 balls left...feeling good again, i need to finish in style....then it happens again...shank!...omfgsmntf! (oh my gawd stomp me nuts to flatness)...

shankapotomus...hoselenfeffer...shankenstein...shawshank redemption...king longshanks...shankyouverylittle...happy shanksgiving...shankephant...hoselandgrettel...

i race home...i need to figure this out....so i pull out me 9 iron and throw some rocks down and hit 3 beauties in me back yard...ok..im cured...

but fuggen a...i have that stanky shitty taste in me mouth..."where'd that cat go?" "what cat?" "the cat that shit in me mouth!" thats the taste i have now..

ima fuggen mess...i have two sets of sweet mizuno irons...58s are blade like...53s are more forgiving...i take me 58s out to the range because i shot a 77 with me 53s and im thinking i can go back to me blades and work the ball a little more...well that experiment failed... went back to me 53s in the back yard and viola! i think it was the lack of turn tho...so is it the sticks or the turn...the quip or the deliverer?

wont know until i play again....cuz i ait going back to satans spawning area again!

fuggen range blows ass...the range has almost cost me me marriage many times over....i know i need to stay away...but like crack to the crack addict...i go back...fuggen werld we live in...

pardsy...pards...pardso...

i hate these words...

i get a call from a banker (hate banks, bankers, anything banky) and all of the sudden im in a 4 man golf scramble....for some dumb stupid charity that probably embezzles all the money anyway...you arrive not knowing whos in your group...

some douschbag sees you coming to his cart...stands up...extends his hand out to you and yells..."hey there pardsy!...we are pards!"

shut up you dork...!

every shot...come on pardso!....pick us up (the fuggen guy shanks everything ob and expects you to pick up the team...) he sucks...you dont...but you have to play with this guy for 18 long ass holes...hes the guy you dont want to be around...but you have to...cuz youre pardsy's...see

i know its winter here in the lou...and no i do not have a golf scramble coming up anytime soon....i was just thinking about a partner i have in a property development....thought about the fuggen bank that is bending me over and inserting their big ole fDIC up my ass...and my pardso...pardsy...pards who left me out to hang while he goes the ez route....BK...bancrupcy....ahhhhh the american way....just run the fugg away and leave a trail of fuggen tears behind you....as a society, we go way out of our way to make it ez for the criminals, the crooks...the guys that run and hide behind the fine print...its ez for them...they had nothing in the first place....they play you and you get fuggen played...

well pardso..ill pick up our team....with my fuggen life savings...thanks douschebag!

next time i hear pardsy, pards, partner, pardso...anything like that...im calling my attorney...because ill need to representation...