car wash customer appreciation day

so wifey and i go up to 2 of our car washes....saturday...lunch time...bring about 200 dogs and buns....sodee (we say sodee here in missoura) pop out the ass...vess soda...cherry..orange...love that shit!

the weather blows....its over cast ...rainy....of course no one will wash their cars and eat up our shit we brought...it was a total failure... we did give some dogs and sodee away...in years past...all we did was start the fire and this shit flew off the grill....!

not only was it a failure....i failed miserably at lighting the gd charcoal...i have the hardest times with simple man things...i cant fix shit....start shit...cook shit...blank shit....(fill in the blank and i cant do it)

i so wanted to take a pic of this customer of ours...and post it....but i didnt think to...this lady, or watever she was/is had the biggest ass ive ever seen....it was a colossal mass of assmass....it was incalculable....the surface area of this can was larger than a fuggen elephant....an entire elephant...! not only was her assmass so fuggen huge...this lady was dancing up a storm while vacuuming out her piece of shit car...the music playing was priceless too....mudder fuggen n word this ....n word that...of course she had a child present...IN THE FUGGEN CAR....while this crap was blasting! this kid is probably deaf already, so no harm done...

im going to google "fat ass" and include that pic on this post...ill find the largest ass they give me....just multiply this ass by 2 and thats my gal!!!!

...ass pic x 2 = carwashladies assmass....

Virus

So ferfy gets on our technology..always...and downloads widgets..screensavers....etc on our lappys and itouches....our iPads..everything
Technology, ferf fuggs it up...he means well...it's cool dad ...jail breaking your itouch rules right?...

Well now my lappy has some kind of worm virus...it was one of those screens that pops up on you basically saying that your system is being looked at by some African tribe in Nigeria.... Crap...the screen saver and widget he put on was totally cool tho...

So now I have me iPad to master....this piece of machinery is totally coolness greatness...I love me pad eh...I'm confident that I will be with pad always from now on...

So my I.T. Fella will have to take me lappy and fix her up once again....I always cringe when I have to give up me laps...Boyd will now know where I've been....yikes!...first thing we males learned when the www was brought to us by al gore was erase cookies and delete browsing history...but something tells me that these eggheads always give it a looksee anyway. Fuggen bastids are all hackers anyway..

Hack away!...nothing illegal...unless searching for "deformed pigmy toe suckers" is illegal...

squash drama

there is not a single sport...activity....or whatever...that promotes more drama than SQUASH...

its ridiculous....whos playing who...? who beat whom? did you hear that this guy lost to a gal? that be me by the way....i got nancy'ed by nancy....nancy aint no ordinary gal either....shes tough and she beat me in front of many onlookers...i still havent recouped from that evening....i find myself in the fetal position every once in awhile.....sucking me thumb...thinking about the match....ill never be the same person i was before i entered that court....

i still hear the laughter....it follows me whenever i go to the MAC....this loss ruined me...

i enjoy the game, but the drama is too much sometimes....just got a call about squash...not business...but fuggen squash! i was kind of rude to the fella...but cfb!!!! its squash and this guy is a ninny...

its ok tho, because me squash is limited these days....no one to play with anymore really....im just the dude that got nancy'ed so there is no glory in taking me down anymore...im the clippers of the squash world.....feast away!

truck nuts...

built..i lost the knife yet again...the fuggen hooky thing gets loose and it must be under a cushion..

and that reminded me of a gift you were sposed to give me....for me birth....and you failed...

you have always got me the greatest gifts....i can make deals with these danglin off big d!

i want my trucknuts..

why bother eh?

seems like those "why bother?" days are pilin up on ole saundoggy....damn man...just give me something....anything to be happy about...im so due...ill take another nails salon deal!!!!

i love the saying you make your own luck....i do believe that is somewhat true...you work hard and have some good ideas and success will come your way...unless youre a complete dumbass like yours fuggen truly....it doesnt answer why the fella who busts his ass in the coal mine every fuggen day isnt as rich as bill fuggen gates tho....

bill gates was a thief...he legally stole his ideas from xerox...a fuggen stupid, huge corp like xerox allowed two punk kids to steal their shit. luck or hard work...??? hell the chinese stole every technology they have from the good ole usa...and people around the world praise those commie bastards like they are the worlds saviors...

today i put my nose to the grindstone....went out and banged on doors....willy loemann style...he was a pathetic bastard too....i can offer someone one year free rent and weekly hookers and fail...

tomorrow im revamping my entire strategy....im going to dial for dollars....get the decision makers on the fuggen horn and sell shit...like JL gotrocks did back in the day! "whats your angle...i like it...buy it!"...loved that episode...

ill report my findings this entire week....should be funny and fun!

whats the matter with flintstone...he's all right!

it takes a famous person...

i got the shingles about 7 years ago...nasty nasty pain....shingles are derived from the chicken pox virus...if youve had chicken pox, then you can get shingles...

shingles usually hit older peeps because older peeps immunity cells break down and they are susceptible to shingles...also, shingles will pop up because of high stress...

well, i wasnt old 7 years ago...must have been stressed to the max...because i got them...

shingles start out with major pain in the region they hit....most get em on the back...or sides...some get em on their faces....ouch...i got mine on my inner calf , downto my left foot (arch)....after 2 days of wtf kind of pain, you break out in lesions...they look like blood zits...hurts to the touch...fugg..it hurts period! these little bastards pop and the shit looks like shingles that are on your roof....

this shit lasts about 2 week to a month...many are lucky and it all goes away...the crappy looking skin and the pain...i wasnt so lucky....i have whats called POST HERPETIC NEURALGIA...ha..herpetic...well, it is a herpe...funny, when doc scripted meds for me, the label said something about herpes....wifey read this and well....i had some splainin to do...she was pissed....i dont blame her because who knew....? i didnt know it was herpes....

"POST" means after....i had no idea that after meant FOR FUGGEN EVER!!!!! because it hasnt stopped hurting....pins and needles....knives and forks...nerve pain like you couldnt imagine....24 fuggen 7...sometimes its bad...sometimes its really bad....the inner leg is way more sensitive than the outer... hell the inner everything is more sensitive than the outer everything....is there not a softer area on your entire leg than the foot arch....thats where it hurts the most...

wah wah wah...cry me a fuggen river right? wrong...im over bitchin about my shingles....ive learned to live with this shit...back hurts worse now....so its all good....yet...

tony larussa, stl baseball cardinal skipper, got the shingles on his face....and what happens? every single fuggen news show is about the shingles....what they are....what they do...how you get them...how to relive the pain...shingles vaccines...shingles everything! poor tony!!! tony this tony that....well i say go fugg yourself you stupid bastard....ive had these things for what seems like an eternity...ive explained this shit to everyone and many just called me a pussy...there were times that i wanted to hack off my leg...i kid you not...place left leg in vice and saw away...

tony got em on his face....guess he'll want to chop his head off soon...but he wont have the POST shit i have...my doc says that i have the longest POST shit then 99% of shingles peeps....i have POST for eternity...

oh joy!

so it takes a famous fella to bring awareness to just about everything....that cracks me up....normal folks have rehtard kids but when brad pitt has a tard, the whole world must be aware and do everything necessary to accommodate tards (i dont think he has a tard)....shit, a house just got blowed up by a tornadee but when al gores mansion loses a shingle, the whole world must be aware of climate change (i dont believe in climate change anything....we humans can not affect the weather PERIOD!) ....dudes party their whole life and chase women ...or just look at other women....but when tiger fuggen woods gets caught, every single man on this fuggen planet is being scrutinized no matter if we are awesomely loyal or not...all you have to be is a MALE and tiger woods deal put us on the scrutiny map for eternity....POST TIGERWHORE NEURALGIA!

urb dic defins...

i enjoy contributing to urban dictionary...

here are some of my favorites:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chucks+ass

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lagarunth

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=saundoggy

i had to take some off...

i just defined frakakta schtunky....it will pass editing soon....