ima girl

stepped on the scale yesterday....i havent weighed meself since last fall...when i was 225...and feeling great...

it was a tough winter....cold..snowy...miserable....lots of inside time...avoiding the inevitable...the scale..the truth teller..

and well...

holy fuggen gawd fugg! ima fatass...!!! 2 fuggen 40 fuggen 7!!!! im the size of an NFL linebacker...well...not really...those fellas are sculpted Adonises...i look more like a PEAR...flaps hanging over my waist..inner thighs rubbing together...man tits flobbin around...

im seriously pissed..

lost a whole bunch of weight in a biggest loser deal with me college mates..i need an edge..i need a competition for just about everything i do...if i dont have it, im a lazy ass fat fuggen loser boy...or girl

i say girl because...well...i handle this kind of shit like a teenage girl would...im always asking wifey if im fat...she doesnt answer me anymore because shes the smart one...and apparently, the male in our relationship...and like a girl, im starving myself in order to get me back into playing weight...that behavior leads to me being a total asshole...i hate being hungry..."stay away from dad"

with my back being all tender and girly....i cant work out...i cant play much squash anymore...

so i answer this dilemma with a large pizza and chip n dip...and ice cream...and chocolate...im fuggen fat guy in a small coat...im chris farley gap girl...LAY OFF IM STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

right now..i feel me girth being pulled by the ole gravity bomb...i feel me tits all saggy and very unperky...guess i could go lift weights and tighten up the boys...think i will start....next week...

i want write in my diary and cry while eating ice cream....i feel like tuning into oprah...im reading US weekly....and glam mag...i feel like buying a purse...i want a bikini wax...tan spa...mani..pedi..

i need help fellas...i need manning up...

ima mess....