soak, wipe, clean...DORK!

its masters week and well....its thursday pm so the MASTERS has begun....i enjoy this like no other time of the year....cepting for jim nantz....

every thursday masters night, i grab my sack and stick(s) and balls and give them a thorough cleaning...soak....wipe...clean...

its amazing the shit i find in me golf sack....found two free foursome vouchers that expired 2 years ago...zoinks...old gum is the worst..2 year old cliff bar...still feels soft...so i keep it in there....old gum is fuggen gross....so is a crusty, smelly pair o socks..wtf are those doin in there...? no clue...i just called over a bubba and stuck em in under his nose...ahhhh fatherhood...

i go thru my sack with keen due diligence....make sure i have all me tees, ball marks, balls, golf buddy (gps) needs too be fully charged...Bushnell range finder (fuggen kickass piece of titty quip)..that bad boy shoots a laser to its target....gives me the perfect yardage so i can fugg up knowing how much i fugged my shot up...range finder says 175 to the pin...on the nuts...and how will that help my fat ass? like i can really dial it down that precisely....no fuggen chance...but its kickass...and i use it..because i can and want to....

my irons are so fuggen sweet... got two sets of beauties because i wanted them....mizuno mp58s and mp 53s...now i have more drama in my life...which fuggen set o beauties do i use? it shouldnt be like this...but it is...cuz im a fuggen rehtard mess....

while trekking downstairs to get me lappy...i saw me ole callaway tuttle putter...all alone in the corner...it hasnt been in me sack for 4 putters ago..so what do i do....i stick my ole putter in me sack...shaft and all...

playing tomorrow...i play every masters friday....ok...i play every friday i can...do i use tuttle or the ghost...i play around with my putter way too much...

while doing this, i watch the masters replay....

if i could chose...

a name..for royalty purposes....ez...it would be the name/word..."bag"

everything needs a bag...you got somethng...you need a bag for it....bags bags bags..

squash bag

lacrosse bag

golf bag

soccer bag

grocery bag

computer bag

fun bags

lunch bag

ball bag

d bag

european hand bag

trash bag

leaf bag

vacuum bag

money bag

shit bag

big ole bag of chips

big ole bag of popcorn

big ole bag of cereal

bean bag

nut bag

bird seed bag

bag of hate

eye bags

ass bags

sandwich bag

ziplock bag

my boys need a lacrosse bag for their lax shit...their 3 sticks...wtf do they need three fuggen sticks...? theyve only played one year and their equip would make a duke lax star jealous...i dont get that game...seems cool as shit....but it needs a bag...

at noon today i have a squash match....ill be carrying in me squash bag...it contains 2 racquet's in case i chuck one and it happens to accidentally break....i have a back up....i think my bag has extra shirts....balls...grips and such...its a fuggen bag and i need it...

wifey has a buttload of reusable grocery bags....i guess it makes her feel all warm inside because shes saving a tree....i think she uses them because they dont offer bags at the warehouse she shops at...all i know is that these fuggen bags are green and they are strewn everywhere!

we must have 12 soccer bags from the 20 team my kids have been on....different shapes and colors..at least 4 different clubs....all adding to the rainbow of bags we have in our garage...

lax ball bag hangs down just to the left of big d...i got a chuckle this am because the bag had two balls in it...the bag swayed as i brushed across it while getting in my truck...two balls swaying in their own bag...

after lunch squash...i go to dicks to pick up the bubbas new lax bags....fuggen werld...

kumbuyfuck

i promise that one day ill be better....but i dont see that coming anytime soon...

id read somewhere (i dont remember because i dont read...well...i read playboy and every gofgofgof! mag available...mens health too...thats a cool mag...tells you shit...how to make your lady happy...shit never works tho....i digress) that there are several stages one goes thru during a traumatic event or crisis...

denial...wig out...anger...face the music...conquer....er sumptin like that...

i guess everyone feels better when they have a schedule to follow...or better yet...told that there is a sked to follow and everything will work out ok....

my schedule is wake up..get coffee for wifey...off to work...bend over and have some big ole prison type monster have his way with you...watch shows..sleep....rinse and repeat...

im stuck in stage fuggen 3....actually i frolick freely from stage 2 wiggy to stage 3 anger ....i ride that fence and my nuts hurt from the constant teetering....me sack is on fire! wig out...get pissed wig out pissed wig out pissed.....pissssssssssed pissssssssssed....wiggy...price is right horns a blarin!

there is no such thing as karma...i looked into Buddhism and the yin yang shit...not for me....im convinced that 98% of humanity is fuggen horrible...following the rules has become boring....im going rogue...you betcha!