celly ringers...

at the docs office yesterday afternoon...waiting room full...my doc is a rusky, and must treat every russian old fart in the stl area...great doc tho!

the ringtones from the patients were god awful...its apparent that the older crowd doesnt really care to change the default manufactured tones....you know that obnoxious ringer....the swooshy space aged crap noise....

and that got me thinking..

ringtones are a good way to tell all, that want hear, who the fugg you really are....

mine is the old fashion telephone ringer....its a classic...bold...loud...and just about everyone uses this same tone...that makes me one of the borg...a conformist...im the guy that goes to the longest line at the toll station..because i know it is open for bidness....sad really...need to change that...boooring!

only one of my ringtones is different...when the mother in law calls, my phone blares out the "emperors march" from star wars....fitting...she is not evil at all..but the mother in law marches in and uses her powers to influence everything and everyone...

my kids will sometimes mess around with me phone and change things up a bit...thats kinda cute and all but i really hate it....my kids mess around with all my technology....jail broke me ipod...the jail broken ipad is not a good thing...all it does is make shit way more confusing than it already is...i dont need my icons to move around....wtf!!? ...they change my screen savers on me pad and lappy....all that does is drain the already shitty power supply that these gadgets contain off the assembly line....what makes them do this? answer is simple...they look at me a stick in the mud and feel that me life needs spicing up...well, i dont...just leave my crap alone you little space wasters!

i go back to the old fashion ringer....boooring, loud, and booooring...im one of those...

one day ill be that old russian in the waiting room...with gout and a default ring tone...

couldnt figure out females...but did figure out fuggen foreigners

foreigners suck ass! rude and ugly most of em....ceptin that sweet ass argentinian lady that always set up camp next to us...wonderin if it was because of my great looks and charm, or because the fact that she had a toddler and the facilities (bar/restroom and food bar) were next to where we stayed on the beach....? im going for my great looks!

there were all certain types of foreign peeps at our resort...i think every fuggen french Canadian was at the grand palladium last week....these fugger are the worst....reasons:

1. they speak french and because of that simple fact, they think they are french and that makes them rude and so very smug and cocky....

2. Bastards live in "Americas top hat" we own them...fuggem!

3. real canadians done even like the french canucks

THE RUSSIANs

the bolsheviks were there en mas...they are the ugliest people...fat....and they wear the entire wrong bathing suits....marble bags galore....not that i was looking....ok..how can one not look...they were everywhere...many types of prints....the tiger skin print was greatness...i wouldnt wear one of those things for 1000 bucks...10 grand and im there...too much exposure...one of these fuggers was ex military...i tell ya this fugger probably killed hundreds of Chechen separatists...you can see it in this fellas eyes as he stood there in front of my fat yankee ass....in his tiger skinned banana hammock, smoking cancer sticks (this fella smoked 4 packs a day!) starring out in the distance...remembering every kill...this fugger was scary..all tatted up...military one cut....smoking and starring....never did say hello to the fellow...

GERMANS

Germans are basically very rude people..they cant help themselves tho....they have a superiority complex that no one nationality can even think of one upping! these crazy bastards almost took over the entire planet TWICE! and well, at the resort, its their beach chair area and no one elses...

one thing these foreign types all have in common is their explicit, undeniable, and unyielding ability not to YIELD!...many times, every fuggen day, id be walking to and fro and a fuggen foreign couple wouldnt make way for the american that just so happened to be sharing the same mutha fuggen pathway! it was becoming the game of red fuggen rover....at first i was shocked....a foreign couple would be all happy...walking toward me...hand in hand...ad im saying to meself...."uhhhhhh...gotta big fatass american comin your way...one of you fuggen foreign bastards going to move so i can walk past you...are you serious....i have to get off the path....cant you fuggen go single file for one fuggen second?"...at first i did yield..pussy!.....then it quickly became a mission to bust up the bowling pins...while meanwhile laughing or giving it one of those "are you fuggen kidding me" pfsttttt noises....red rover red rover send the big ass american over...there was never a chain i couldnt break and my record still stands at the PALLADIUM!

i love America...i hate travel....i hate foreigners....they hate me back which is just fine with me!

USA USA USA!