teblow!

the guy is everywhere...haunts me...kills me...if he werent a donk, id embrace him....it...whatever...

but he is a donk...so im a hater...

the guy just bugs me...i cant shake the nightmare of tebow!

im the festivus tebow child this holiday season...im feeling it...

vegas baby!

heavens to betsy....ive been ignoring saundoggy like i do when wifey wants me to snuggle...been too long...i thank built for the reminder...

well...i got back from vegas this monday....note to self...for the 10th fuggen time....5 days in vegas is 2 days too long...i never learn...what a fuggen blast tho...

golf with the greatest guys on the planet....greatest food man can eat...a fluffy as all get up bed...8 hours of puking...started around 10 pm thursday night....every 15 minutes...until 530 am....the noise i make when i puke cant be explained...by the time it got to 2am, there was nothing left to puke....except this yellowish viscous material that started eating a hole through the porcelin...evidently, i caught a bug er something....i laid there wishing for death...it was sad....wifey was sleeping...no need to worry about me wanting to leap out of the window...51 stories high....but all is well...sleep tight...dont let the puking, dying, bedbugs bite...

got thru the near death experience....golf that am was at 1130...after zero sleep....the dog shoots a cool 75 on a titty track! beware the sick athlete...i guess...that night, we saw the show "jersey boys"....kickass show....enjoyed it very much!

me birthday was on saturday and i got to celebrate with 18 holes of awesome golf....and a dinner on top of the rio resort...the view was awesome....the company , just as good as the view...then onto the pleasure pit....the pit is where we played poker at the planet hollywood....while playing, one gets to look up and see the most beautiful women on this planet dance ...wowsers....chubville!  didnt hurt that i drew a straight flush and profited about 700 bucks on one hand....we were all making money that night....huge....it was too good to be true...and the ladies....we were making some serious noise after every pay out...man that was fun...pleasure pit satnite!  a new tradition created...!

sunday is sportsbook day....starts at 10am...ends 8:30 pm....all day....drinking one bloody after the next....then onto makes....had pizza delivered....bet on every game....won more than i lost...fuggen raiders shit the bed...i just really dont like them sometimes....frowny face...

monday is rest and relax day....detox day....whatever...didnt work...as ive been sick all week with the squirts....all week...like a fuggen 711 slushy machine...called doc and he wanted a sample...i stopped him there and told him id gut it out....nfw im sampling this shit...im courtesy flushing every 5 seconds as it is...

well...im back so ill be seeing you later...

thangsgiving...

my boyhood neighbor buddy would always say "thangs" instead of THANKS!

i heard a fella say "warsh" last weekend...no "r" in the word wash...

i know peeps that pronounce the word "roof"....ruff

i live in the state of missouri....not missoura...

some things im THANKful for:

• females...i love women..they look nice to me...at least the nice looking ones...
• football...the best ever sport played on our planet
• email and text...cuz i dont have to talk to assholes
• mondays...kids are in school
• tuesdays thru fridays....see "mondays"
• chris farley...everytime i see his picture or one of his skits, im dying from laughter
• health...im always in pain so fugg that one..i take it back
• food...i love eating
• makers....i love drinking
• oakland raiders...i love them..not like im going to marry them kinda thing
• pizza...pizza is not a food, its a drug...the best fuggen drug ever
• knives...nothing like a cool knife in your pocket
• mizuno...best golf irons ever engineered...i never settle
• friends...i have the best..nothing compares to this lot of humans
• family...wifey is supercool, the kids are alright
• jared...hopefully his diet plan will win me big cash
• skoal...dipping is awesome
• guns...i love guns...they are cool and im packin
• squash...greatest game to play...u sweat bullets while playing a chess game...must be fit and smart..and have heart...thats why i suck at it...
• steam room...give me steam or give me death
• golf...golf is my religion...i love going to my church
• truck...my truck is awesome
• 106 inches of hd heaven...nuff said

and thats that..dont think i missed anything..
DISCLOSURE:::   this list is in no particular order

this is so dang perfect...splains everything...

raiders v sparky

thursday night footy on the NFL channel.....i wont watch....or maybe ill tune in to see the scheduled train wreck....isnt this why people attend a car race...?  or a hockey game?  you want to see the wreck...the fights...the blood...

many attended the ye ole public lynchings....they obviously wanted to see a neck breaking....the sheer horror of scheduled brutality is worth a look see eh?

the raiders cant stop the run....they havent been able to stop the run going on 20 years now....they make for that by their fuggen race to top the league in penalties....

pictured is the raider team bus parked outside Qualcomm stadium..

chokeland fuggers!

my raiders suck again...they cant beat teams that suck even worse than they suck...they will break the nfl penalty record....once again....because these idiots that put on the silver and black uni think they are above the law...they look up at the sorry assclown fans that dress up in darth vader costumes, and think they can tear an opposing players helmet off...or punch their opponent in the nuts...or blast away at a runner 5 seconds after the fuggen whistle blows...

these assclowns really believe they are pirates....no laws for them...meanwhile, joe official makes rain with their flags....every fuggen play....the raids dont believe in first and 10....they rather have it first and 20....more challenging....their defense stops the opposing offense....oh its 4th down...punt...right???  NOT SO FAST you fuggen assclowns!  its first down because your convict d tackle just punched some unsuspecting opponent in the fuggen groin...thanks mate!

their crowd...the black hole crowd...they spend hours upon hours dressing up for a fuggen football game...they look like idiots...is this supposed to make the other team scared?  so stupid....what a waste of paint...and chains...and spikes...and whatever...

im so sick of being a fan of this team....

but i will continue to be a fan because they are unfortunately in my blood.....they are all i know...im cursed and unhappy....i hate because of these dicks!

so pissed...so mad...so fuggen what!

no way possible....

that these starbucks employees can be so damn perky all the fuggen time....no way....in the am...get my coffee and its.."hey scotty...the usual grande coffee in a venti cup???!!!"   barf!

these peeps are on happy pills....double xanax venti whip whip espresso on the double....


its maddening really....and so fake....why?

it creates a moment of reflection for me....after leaving bux...i think to myself...How come im so miserable and these cats are always so dang perky?  does serving the masses caffein do this ones soul?  i know one thing, after me coffee goes down the pipe...Im feeling way better...for just a bit.....and so it goes...conclusion....these sbux peeps are drinking the corporate ink...they are all wired all the time....

i once worked in a deli...great job...i got to eat whatever i wanted....back then it didnt matter much, cuz i burned it off....i created some sangys that would make shaggy and scooby doo jealous....these were world class creations...no doubt these starbucks peeps are creating super coffee concoctions that make them too fuggen annoying...i hate that they are so dang happy....sickens me...

i go this way...

the other day...in a meeting...with a rich indian fellow...dot head...not a scalper...this fella was smug...he kept saying that living in peace and harmony beats being wealthy...all while bragging about his immense portfolio of real estate...the great deals...the cash...

he went on to say that he respects bill gates...see gates is giving away all of his wealth...he respects warren buffet...i guess he too is giving away his wealth....i doubt that all of it will go..im sure mrs gates and children..grand children...great grand children...etc etc.. will not  live in a van down by the river...

then this fellow went on to say that gates and buffet didnt rob, steal or cheat anyone in order to be the richest two bastards on our planet...rrrrrriiiiiiite??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GATES STOLE..he stole his operating system from xerox..he stole from apple....buffet rapes the market with every move he makes...buffet can move world markets by farting...you cant be that rich without stealing...its impossible!...this guy stole too...he is shaky...has a bad reputation...fuggen smelled too...

then this dot head went on to say he hates republicans....thats when i got angry...on the inside...couldnt show this because this fugger might buy 25 million bucks worth of re from my client...he said that all repubs are shit...and his party should rule the planet...im not about to get into any political debate with him...i dont want get political on me blog either....so i will not...but who says this?  even if you mean it...never introduce your political beliefs when you are in a business meeting...and dont bring up religion either....he told us he was an agnostic...what an idiot...

this smug fugger pissed me off...because he was a complete fuggen phony...shocker...a feel good do gooder that doesnt do shit for anyone except himself....all i heard from him was about the good work of the gates foundation....well fella, wtf do you do for people in need?  all i heard from him was "i travel here...i have properties here...im awesome!...india rules...india will take over the world..."  wft...india sucksass...it smells and their caste system is probably the worst on our planet....a close rival is our caste system of govt employees vs us bidnessmen....

this got me thinking....if i was to win the lotto or score huge by screwing over another human...id take the fuggen money and run....id buy meself a nice abode somewhere on a great golf course and tell the world to fugg off....id help my family, the deserving ones....and thats that....thats where i stand...im not going to leave my riches to some crap foundation....fugg that! 

thats where i stand...i dont need to feel good for anyone or anything...call me short sided and ignorant, but at least you know where i stand!

if this fugger buys this crap im selling him....im taking my huge commission check and wave in his pompous face while shouting out "HERMAN CAIN FOR POTUS!"

fugg that fake!

im to blame once again...

dont really know what i did to deserve the title as "everyones favorite whipping boy..."  sad really...i get blamed for everything in my household...maybe its because im a big pussy and cower when it comes to confrontation...

didnt take long for me kids to pick up on this weakness...this disease...pin cushionality....always needled...always blamed...

bubbas had a football game last night...dark....rainy..under lights...a perfect storm for on field violence...and my sons delivered...they are monsters...it is awesome....they lay the wood on their opponents....i cant wait for next season!

so awny, after game...gets his book bag and shit out of the bus for our ride home....he has his pads...helmet...we get to me truck and after loading up his shit, he went down to the field to get his forgotten shoes....so after that search ( he couldnt get them because the gates were locked...and wifey just picked them up just now...we were visitors so it was awkward...thanks you little bastid!) awny gets back into me truck....

backing out, i felt a little bump from me tire...rear tire...then front tire....i proceed thinking that it was a stick er something...we get dinner at grassis (awesome) and go home for chow time...

once home, awny realizes that his school bag isnt in me truck...we look everywhere....fuggen a...im pissed...the little (big) fugger left it at the field...i then realize that perhaps that "bump" i felt was a 7000 lb truck running over ...well...uhhh.... FUGG! i scream...

so i load the little (big) bastid up and we are off to enemy territory...bubs team steamed em anyway...forgot to mention that...and my sons are monsters on the field....for once im proud....anyway...

driving up to where i was parked....dark...not lit up a bit...we see the bag...the bag is black...well hidden...well smushed...in the bag is awny's school computer...well..it was his school computer...

so we are home soon after and on the way, me son tells me that i shouldve loaded it up...me...its my fuggen fault...so he leaves his bag behind my truck and i guess i failed to see his BLACK BAG in the dark....i failed to load it in the truck...me...wow...fail.org

of course i explain to him that its all on him....and of course he doesnt comprehend...asshole!

then, he realizes he doesnt have his watch...no biggie right..just a watch...no...not really...this is a cat daddy reactor watch....we gave it to him for his confirmation...confirmation that he is an asshole im convinced!  apparently, his watch was in the book bag...along with his computer..smooooshed computer...so off we are ...back to enemy territory..to find his reactor...im pissed!  its my fault remember...i told him not to fuggen open his mouth...not a word...

i give him a flashlight....its dark....and his fuggen watch is dark too....at first, i didnt see shit from my truck and all i can think about is how on earth i can contain myself...its times like this where police security is needed...arrests are made....court sentencing...im now hearing the theme song for "cops"

he finds it!  im stoked...hes just ok...im excited...hes checks it for scratches...its unscathed...im stoked...reactor watches rule!  so cool...

i can give a shit about the laptop...its on lease anyway and insured for damage...bummer for awny tho as his hard drive is "tweaked"...thats what the IT nerd said to me this am...fuggen school has a full time IT department...its own geek squad...impressive...this nerd fella told me that theyd try to get his shit off of it....see...everything is on this computer....text books...notes...papers...projects....dunder mifflin is going under....no one uses paper anymore...

moral of the story....its my fuggen fault....i shouldve checked behind my truck for things that might have been left by my children....for my children need me....for my children are hopeless and need direction and attention every fuggen second of every fuggen day....i will never make this mistake again for as long as i live....

rugby...

watched the rugby union championship yesterday....it was on during the raider game, and well....the raiders sucked ass....so i watched these crazy bastards play a crazy game...

rugby is awesome....it is wild...and the players are messed up...i didnt see one ear that looked normal...zero noses were straight....these boogers are tough as nails...

i dont understand the rules of the game...lots of brutality and punishment...saw one fella step on his opponent...just stomped him...no foul...so i guess thats legal...

there is a bunch of passing...laterals...weird throwins....and a scrum...which looks like a huddle...but they are not on the same team...my guess is that there are no pleasantries exchanged in the scrum....i swear i saw some fellas grabbing sack...in front of all the world to see.....a package grabbah!  owie!

these guys bite each other too....wtf is that about?  flippin crazy....

im glad i didnt play rugby....i would have quit the game quickly....plus they wear short shorts....and thats not right...cool jerseys tho...

the all blacks...new zealand... beat the french...not a shocker.....the french didnt look french tho...they actually looked tough and played hard until the end....no surrender...shocker! 

the raiders suck again....im so pissed....they took frances place and surrendered....pussies!!!!

palmer...

carson palmer is now an oakland raider....peeps say that this was a great move....peeps say the raids paid a kings ransom for him...i say,  lets wait and see...

these prognosticators dont know shit....they make a living predicting the future...what a gig...

always thought being a weatherman in phoenix would be the easiest job on the planet....from june thru september.."the temp will be 100 degrees and the humidity will be zero"  .... from october thru may..."the temp today will be 60 and get up to 80 to 85...no humidity..."  what a gig...

i say palmer will be awesome....why..because im a fan of the once great oakland raider football club...

photo shop friday...

thought id treat you to some of JB's masterpieces...

offense v defense

back in the day....whenever our offense would scrimmage the defense....the defense always prevailed....my guess is that the fellas on your own team just hated the offense because we got all the glory....scrimmages sucked as we got slaughtered....in the "game"  we would score points....the girls loved offense...the glory....the newspaper clippings always showed the touchdowns...never the tackle...

in the real world...offense is still what peeps want to see...touchdowns......goals....runs...a great offensive curling roll...high scoring chuckers...birdies...score score score....

we fellas love going on the offense....we make our move....make a deal....score points in the bidness world....nothing like closing out the side with a curling bullseye!   curling rules!

Us fellas continue to go on the offense ...score score score...it never ends...unfortunately, the defense  prevails....always!

lets go cards!

so gay...go cards! signs everywhere....fair weather fans popping up everywhere....the LOU is redelicious...just made that up...might have to coin that one...

a silly little nut weasel squirrel ran in front of home plate during our battle with the phillies....and now the town has gone squirrel crazy....i hate squirrels...they suck...they arent even nice....they steal shit and i always feel like they will bite your ankle if you get too close to them...the rally squirrel is our towns way of saying we have an edge...wtf? it would be super cool if someones dachshund ran across home plate...weener dogs are cool...at least i think so...rally weener...imagine the merchandise...the weener dog has traction....fuggen squirrel?

i hate baseball...suckyass boring sport...snoresville...

i do like cardinal playoff baseball tho....watched every game.....the last 162 games dont mean shit to me...

people here are so fake....at least i admit it...im a bandwaggoner extraordinaire...

i dont like the brewers...they seem cocky...i hope we smash em...pretty confident my birds will roll into the series...perhaps ill have to buy a shirt or hat....i dont own anything cardinal...

so go cards...! yay!

i forgot where i put the remote....honey!

http://www.livescience.com/16488-sex-mind-blowing-amnesia.html


if this isnt fuggen bullshit, then what is???

"oh honey that was awesome!"

"who the fugg are you?"








Article: 'Mind-Blowing' Sex Can Wipe Memory CleanStephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior WriterDate: 11 October 2011 Time: 10:42 AM ETSHARE THIS PAGE


A mysterious condition called transient global amnesia can leave people with gaps in their memory after strenuous activities such as sex.
CREDIT: wavebreakmedia ltd, Shutterstock

View full size image
A 54-year-old woman showed up in the emergency room at Georgetown University Hospital with her husband, unable to remember the past 24 hours. Her newer memories were hazy, too. One thing she did recall: Her amnesia had started right after having sex with her husband just an hour before.

While sex can be forgettable or mind-blowing, for some people, it can quite literally be both at the same time. The woman, whose case was reported in the September issue of The Journal of Emergency Medicine, was experiencing transient global amnesia, a rare condition in which memory suddenly, temporarily, disappears.

People with transient global amnesia suffer no side effects, and the memory problems usually reverse themselves in the span of a few hours. It's a rare condition, affecting only about 3 to 5 people per 100,000 each year. But what makes transient global amnesia so eerie is that researchers aren't sure what causes it, or why patients remain otherwise chatty and alert while missing large chunks of their memories. [Inside the Brain: A Journey Through Time]


"We don't know very much about the cause," said Sebastian Ameriso, a neurologist at the Institute for Neurological Research in Buenos Aires, who was not involved in the 54-year-old woman's case. "It causes a lot of alarm, but this is not a stroke or an event that causes damage to the brain. It's almost always very benign."

Mind-erasing activities

Sex can trigger transient global amnesia, as can other physically strenuous activities. People in their 50s and 60s are the most likely to experience an episode, but strangely, most people with transient global amnesia have it only once. In most cases, the amnesia is anterograde, meaning people have trouble forming new memories. Sometimes, people also experience transient retrograde amnesia, forgetting some portion of their previous memories. In the case of the 54-year-old woman at the Washington, D.C., hospital, the last day was a fog, and she had been forgetful and confused since having sex.

As with most patients, the woman's brain scans using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) and computed tomography (CT) showed nothing unusual and no damage to the brain. By the time she left the emergency room, her symptoms were almost gone.

The closest thing to an explanation researchers have for this sex-triggered amnesia is that the problem may not begin in the brain, but in the neck. In a January 2010 study published in the journal Stroke, Ameriso and his colleagues conducted sonograms of the necks of 142 patients who'd experienced transient global amnesia within the last week. They found that 80 percent of the patients had what is called insufficiency of the valves in the jugular vein.

This vein, which runs down the side of the neck, carries spent blood from the brain back to the heart. Valves in the veins prevent blood from flowing backward toward the head, but if the valves don't close sufficiently, blood could seep back upward.

Memory mysteries

The best guess for what might be happening is that patients unwittingly trigger the transient global amnesia by raising the pressure inside their abdomens. This is called the "Valsalva maneuver," familiar as the "bearing down" people might do when lifting weights, defecating or even having sex. The increased pressure increases the resistance to blood flowing down the jugular veins, and insufficient valves may allow deoxygenated blood to push back up the neck. Oxygen-poor blood then "piles up" in the veins draining the brain, especially in central brain regions that are key to memory formation. The result could be transient amnesia.

What this explanation doesn't cover is why most people with transient global amnesia experience it only once, Ameriso told Livescience.

"This doesn't explain why this would happen only once while we do this Valsalva maneuver many times during the day," he said.

Whatever the cause, transient global amnesia can be upsetting. In one case reported in 1964, a man lost his memory the moment he orgasmed, causing him to exclaim, "Where am I? What's happened?" [10 Surprising Sex Statistics]

People with transient global amnesia usually rush to the hospital in great distress, Ameriso said — which is not a bad thing, given that sudden memory loss can also herald a stroke or other serious neurological problems.

For doctors and patients alike the most important thing is a quick diagnosis, Ameriso said. Otherwise, patients can languish in the hospital for days, waiting anxiously for test results.

"It's important to be able to diagnose this very quickly, looking for the insufficiency in the veins," Ameriso said. "If you can confirm that this is the case, you can save a lot of money."

raiders!!!

so kim jung al passed away this last saturday and the raids won a huge game this sunday versus the vaunted houston texans....im giddy fosho as i thought they would choke away another victory...

al was the raiders and now we are finding out more of what most believed to be the case....al meddled into everything....he made all the decisions and made his mark (sometimes of "skid" variety) on the once great oakland raider football club....he would call coaches before during and after games....he made every single draft selection....and as his years went on, his age showed....as he was unwilling to take on the newer forms of defense....i say defense because that is where AL truly believed he knew everything about! the raids always played a base style of D...with man to man at the corners....teams didnt need to prepare much for what oakland was going to show them defensively...the raiders were easily read and this made it tough goings for my team over the years...

now, we will see way more zone coverages....cover 2....zone blitzes...a more modern way of using personnel...

so i say looky out! raids are for real now...

rip mr davis...you will be missed....you made your mark and now its time for the team to fly!

chicks dig it!

or do they? nom nom nom....

this is how we fix things!

guys and gals....so different

does this pic tell the truth...the whole truth and nothing but the TRUTH!!!???

so help me gawd....it does!!!!

guys dig the hoochie...i know i do!

hate frogs anyway!

I went to SMU...the ncaa used my school with their DEATH PENALTY verdict back in the mid 80s..of course we were cheating but others were cheating way more...fuggen brass used us an example....and it didnt work...as the big boys continue to use under the table methods to get the best players...

this article makes me smile!



SMU beats TCU last weekend, Can't let it End there


The SMU Mustangs defeated the formerly ranked TCU Horned Frogs 40-33 in a thrilling overtime upset this past Saturday. TCU coach Gary Patterson was deeply-offended by what he believed to be bad calls by a Conference USA officiating crew.


Patterson was so offended by the calls and SMU wide receiver Darius Johnson saying, "I don't like these TCU people," that he would actually mind to keep SMU out of the Big East if the conference ever came asking for the school. SMU replied to TCU's coaches with actions this week.

SMU will offer ticket plan for the remaining four home games for $40.33. The same 40-33 score of TCU game.



The only thing TCU can reply with is, "our fans wish our tickets were that cheap."

fun...but the price one pays

wow...you really pay to play...lake golf orgy trip took everything out of this fat ass of mine....crap...im tired...irritable...weak....sleep deprived...

plus the raids lost what i thought would be a cakewalk...that was the shit capper of what was a great, long weekend of gofgofgof!

lake of the o rules....great food, great courses...great times..


36 holes 3 days in a row....weather was perfect!

im off the booze fer awhile....thats fosho....at least until maybe this weekend...

fantasy team got its first victory...i guess thats good....only to learn that bidness sucks ass again...


its ok tho, all of my kids are having issues...this makes up for everything else thats bad...


i want to go back and tee it up!

patriots suck!!!!

i hate the pats...! hate them....i hate everything about them....i hate their gay boy band qb...i hate their coach...i hate their fans....i hate their uniforms...i hate it all!

these fuggers cheat and get away with it....tom brady goes untouched....you touch him, you get a flag....pussy!

the league has set this up....someone must have pictures...there is no other explanation...

this sunday....the great oakland raiders will kill the patsies....im so confident of this....i dont think there is a team in the nfl that can beat the raiders.....if the raiders do lose a game it will only be because they beat themselves.....they are that good!

ive never been this confident....i know what this team has....simply put, they have kickass football players! simple....they fuggen are tough! the raiders will run the ball and beat up opposing defenses...tire em out...and strike with the vertical ball....game over!

so bring it marcia brady! the black hole is waiting....and no one is worried! except for your ass!

Top 10 Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in your office

These are the Top 10 ways to be the "Funny Guy" in your office:

10. Keep telling the same person they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you were just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of fucking queers.

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting, put one finger in the air and make a noise like you are hocking up a loogie. Then spit the custard into a glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat that."

7. Inform a male coworker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker." Then piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good ass fucking.

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand down your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know" then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them all sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hands.

3. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it is the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is covered in shit, laugh at them and point at them and call them a fucking asshole.

2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! Help me!" Then when it stops, look down and say "oh"

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it into the bathroom and stick it in your ass. Take it back to the person you borrowed it from and ask them to smell it. When they tell you that it smells bad, tell them, "It should. I had it in my ass."

mp59s

i fuggen did it....bought em...im stoked...2 weeks, they will be in me sack...unfortunately, in 2 weeks, we could have snow on the ground...the way weather is around here...

im a golf club hoarder...its a sickness really...i need the newest and best stuff....only for golf tho....i can care less about my vehicle....altho big d kicks ass and it is a super cool awesome pickem up truck...

i couldnt trade in my 58s...they are so beautiful....no way i can give them up.....now this is fuggen weirdyville....separation anxiety from golf irons...the irons im replacing....whats wrong with me...

i have 4 putters too....i keep going back to the 20 year old tuttle....drivers out the ass....dont have too many extra 3 woods tho...there is no replacing my 3 wood i carry...thing is a weapon...so titty!

i blame this on the 5 golf mags i get in the mail....these mags are gifts from SD and its cruel...he knows i dig golf shit and yet continues to feed me these mag subscriptions....its his fault....i blame him and him only....the 59s were in last months golf digest...the centerfold.....of course they got top billing because they are mizunos and there is no peer....mizuno makes the nicest looking/feeling iron in the bidness...

mizunos are the pile of cocaine to coke addicts....mizunos are the playboy playmate to mr heffner...so the 5 golf mags i get are feeding my habit...sad really...

gawd fugg cfb! im a junkie...! i never settle!

the double dip...

when you have a big mouth, like yours truly, you dont need too double dip your chip...veggie...bread...or whatever...

i just fuggen dip that bastard..full go...get as much product on the food as possible....and pop the entire fugger in me mouth...quite rude...but i dont care....it keeps me from double dipping...more efficient...and quite awesome...like me...problems arise with dip supply using my method...i can use up the bowl of dip with 5 chips...5 i say...

chip n dip is gold to me....i love the shit...i can eat chip n dip for every meal...problem is...i cant stop...i really cant...ill go 24 7 if the shit is in front of me...

many feel our economy is in, or headed toward a dub dip recession...this isnt good...and simply couldve been avoided...like timmy said to george, on seinfeld..."from now on, when you take a chip-just take one dip and END IT!"

double dippers irk the shit out of me....its gross...even if youre a "flipper"...still gross... a flipper dips and eats then flips and dips again...thinking that the undipped side is clear for dipping...but, its not clear...the undipped clear side of the chip has the double dippers finger germs on the chip...tainting the dip..

all this crap goes out the window if you have exclusivity to the chip n dip....exclusivity means that the dipper can stick whatever the hell he wants in the dip...there are no laws for the exclusive dipper...its your own paradise...

im fuggen hungry now...

braces...

bubbas had a 7am orthodontist appointment this am....i overslept..and they missed it...i rescheduled..no harm no foul..

and this got me to thinkin..what the? why the?

every fuggen kid gets braces these days...you dont see a kid without em....and when you do see a kid without them, they are either getting them soon or they just got them taken off...

these bastards (braces) cost from 4 to 6 k...my kids are in the six range because they go to the fuggen taj mahal for their braces work....this place is sweet....video games...kitchenette...great magazines...awesome comfy furniture...plush carpet....peppy as all get out receptionists...best part about the ortho office is their big ole jar of wintergreen life savers....i stock up for the rainy day on those bastards...pockets a bulging...i dont care..i pay for this shit...

all of my kids have or had braces...spend out the ass for those bad boys....

the after braces stage...what a waste...one kiddo get braces off, there is a maintenance stage that includes the 1000 retainers they toss in the school garbage can...oh no worries little one, ill just fork out another 200 for another useless piece of shit plastic molding! i got it!

now a days, kids get to order up new colors....one of my boys got black bands...he looked like he needed to brush the shit out of his teeth every time i saw him...."dude, you got shit on your teeth!"

"no dad, those are my bands!"

rinse repeat...

even stranger...adults are wearing braces...theyre everywhere...wtf?..i mean youve lived your life thru adolescence...at 21 you party....soon after u get married er whatever...growing up..buying shit..and then you decide to get fuggen braces?????

never had braces...always told i had the perfect bite...my lower teeth are all snaggly...but who the fugg cares about the lower teefes?

kids ortho drives a sweet Porsche....after all is said and done, he will be driving his porsche by my new homestead...the van down by the river....maybe hell stop by and join me for some government cheese...of squeeze variety...

thats using your head....

dateline: afghanistan...former prez of that crappy pos nation died while man hugging who he thought was his pal....this pal was some guy...seems that his turban was packing heat in the form of a fuggen bomb! this swell fella detonated it at embracement time...

turban bomb? what the? whats next?...dick bombs...boobie bombs...vag bombs...

"hey there mustafa, how are the kiddos...and your dog wife duin?"

"good!!! good!!!! damn bitch dog doesnt like our cave too much ...she is getting used to her leash tho"

"well...great seeing you mate...lets have a hug"

"ok"

pow!!!!!!!

and down goes mustafa!!!!

those virgins must be something!

furkin fark!

me raids shit the bed yesterday....cfb brothers! close it!











bubbas football team performed very raider like too.....friday...up 20 zip at half.....lost 21 20...











but they are 13 years old...maybe they will learn one of lifes great lessons..."it aint over til its over"...thanks mr Berra...



what i witnessed sunday was a bunch of rich, fat, fast fuggers choke the living shit out of a for sure victory...its ok as their paycheck awaits for them in their locker....for us fans, we have to wallow in it for a week....taking shit from everyone who knows me....a colossal failure..driving around town in big d today....peeps honking....yelling "nice game!"...big d wears the shield of the once great oakland raiders..



since stats llc has been tracking shit like this, since 1993...this is the first and probably only time a team has scored touchdowns on all of their 2nd half possessions....the fuggen buttfuckboooofallo bills ...had the ball 5 fuggen times in the second half....5 fuggen tds...thats 35 fuggen points...to go along with the 3 points they struggled to get in half 1....




the only thing good that came out of yesterdays game was that it gave me a great excuse to down more makers mark....i went to bed angry but got to sleep quickly....


crap!

1-0 0-1

raiders 1-0

the most interesting man in the world 0-1

i hate losing the opener in the rm 24 fantasy football league...hate it....

lost to peter norths pole ...a porn central conference foe..by one fuggen lousy extra point!

so today my emotions are mixed...happy for my raiders, sad for the most interesting man in the world...

this is what fantasy football does to you....

all i need is more mental confusion in my life....

my brain is like a soup of mixed emotional ingredients....

so im pissed now...

and happy because me once great oakland raiders pounded the donks into oblivion!

yes!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

help me...

huge raider fan!

tonight, me raids take the field at mile high....must be tough to play in denver when youre a fat fugger....these big ole lineman have oxygen at their disposal while playing the donks...

i have to stay up late to watch this one....espn has two games tonite...and they stuck the minor league teams on the night shift...crap!


i predict that my team wins this one....the raiders will run the ball and the donk defenders wont be able to stop them.....but something tells me that the raiders offensive coordinator will try to outsmart the donkos and go all pass silly on their asses....they do this and we will get chopped!


my fantasy footy team is a slightly average squad....i wasted about 10 makers on them while watching my ipad update the live scoring throughout the entire day....

being a fan of a team is hard....you feel so great when they win....when they lose, all hell breaks out and you feel like a steaming turd...

there can be only one winner....

go raiders!

draft night!

tonight is my fantasy footy draft! i cant stop thinking about it...so stoked to put my defending championship team together...







team name: "the most interesting man in the world"

room 24

porn central division...

goal is to sweep peter norths pole





at 8 pm central time....you will feel the earth shake as i assemble the greatness!..

looks like adult tag is on!

the sheriff came to me office...me other office....and had a subpoena for me...apparently they want me to answer more questions because the ass probing they did on me several months back, didnt go far enough...

bastards...i fought the law and the law won!

good news...its not of criminal nature....quite the contrary actually...its a boring condemnation lawsuit...basically little old us are fighting city hall....and city hall is getting their asses kicked!

so...now i play the ultimate game of TAG...its a rush dodging the law...ill tell my little space invaders to hunker down this evening....do not answer door...sasha will fuggen love taking a nip out of barney fifes ass...watch em run!...sick balls sasha!

they will eventually get to me....they always do....

these fuggers are assholes....this city basically took away an extremely important part of our property....a fuggen curb cut...i guess they feel as tho getting in and out...with ease... of a commercial strip center isnt very important...we'll eventually win, but the costs of our victory will be a new pool and a mercedes for each of our attorneys...guess you can fight city hall...

so tonight it starts....i cant wait to dodge this fuggen guy....game on barney!

wifey out of town...now what?

i do enjoy being a bachelor from time to time...but being one with 3 fuggen kids is kinda gay...

v is off until friday...so now i have to pick up the bubbas at skewl....330....then i guess i take them home...

and i guess i can hang there for the rest o day....hmmm....sounds boring...

perhaps ill pour me a stiffy...then figure out which pizza place to order from....no dishes...no cooking...

no doubt ill have a screaming match with me dauts...she feeling her own these days....shes a tough match...but ill win...im undeafeated....

then ill scan the channels...and watch some cool tv...or better yet, ill eat pizza in my bed and watch cool tv...and blow some farts....i might just light one....been awhile since ive lit the air biscuit...

then ill look around and find her chocolate stash.....and eat the fugg out of the swiss chocolate she so cleverly hides....

then ill catch some late night tube...never get to watch late night on the account that wifey is in sleep mode at 10 pm sharp...

then while sleeping, ill get to sprawl all over the place....ill cover every inch of the bed...just because i can....usually im leaning over my edge while spouse and k9 sprawl....

in the am...ill get the kids off to school...and there will be silence...a deafening quite that could make me break....but ill have our 3 too many dogs to entertain me for 5 minutes...off to work...

by tomorrow night, ill want to be on my edge of the bed again....but ill have to wait for friday night...then saturday night, ill kick myself in the nuts for not taking advantage of my staycation...

got those scramble blues...

every fuggen time i play in a golf scramble....EVERY MUDDER FUGGEN TYME...i finish one spot out of the money....always with that arbitrary score card playoff....wtf!!!??? ..scorecard playoff is another way of saying..."lets fugg up saundoggys fuggen werld?!"

happened again saturday...happened last sunday...ive played in 2 scrambles this year...im fuggen dundy!

fellas we played with won the damn thing..they won it last year too....these fuggers were solid tho...their worst golfer was a 1 handicap...their anchor was in the plus range...we were with them for 11 holes tho....then fire!!!


we get in the clubhouse...and the board is up...and we are in the money...uh oh....wait ..one group hasnt reported their score....no way theyll knock us out of the running...you think? ...and down goes fraaaaaayshaaah!

beeeeeeeuuuuup...fuggen price is right failure horns a blasted in my semi circular canals and cochlea regions of me inner ears...buuuuuuhhh duuu bahhh beedaaaa burrrrrrrrrrrm!

fuggen werld...i was so happy...like the fella that got the leg lamp in the movie "the christmas story"

big swingin deeeeotch!

yup...saundoggy has it back.....kickin ass taking names! how gay is that? referring myself as saundoggy....i hate that..what a complete dork!!!!

deals out the ass....who knew?

actually...im busy chasing the dream again....and some things look pretty good....but, this werld is brutal and my good things will most likely look like a polished turd in good time...

but....u gotta move forward and thru....make sure the turd in in the vice grip...all steady....start slowly with some high grade sandpaper...hopefully it holds together...

this is how to treat the "deal" world these days....everyone is a pile o crap...

even chet..."hey looks pretty good...now make your own dickweed!"

does your brief case match your truck?

mine does....pulled out my zero halliburton gun metal brief case...like james bond has, i have! i think matt helm had one too... im probably the only dude in the LOU that has one of these beauties....you should see the looks i get from the peeps on the streets....

big D is gun metal....my case is gun metal...

went to a meeting today and opened up my case....got out my legal pad and gonkulator (gotta be a huge fan of hogans heroes to know what im saying here) and started a cypherin...(gotta be a huge fan of the Beverly hillbillies to know what im saying here)...my client started laughing.....then he asked me where i got it....wifey bought it for me...xmas....about 15 years ago i think....sweetness!!!!! then he became jealous....now i know he wants one...

tomorrow, i break out the Fedora!

self absorbed

been told over and over and over again....throughout me entire existence....

in grade skewl...."youre stuck up!" wtf does that mean anyway..? wrong choice of words really....stuck up...? stuck up where? it doesnt make any sense!...i had swagger and those bitches tried to take it all away....

high school..." youre so conceded!" again...i concede to no one...so, thank you!...

college..."self centered bastard!"....that makes way more sense than the others....self...ok...thats me.....centered....center of attraction....ok....bastard....ill take that one too...

now a days..." you never listen...you always think youre right...you think youre so fuggen cool and great!"..... thanks! more praise please!

its tough being me...

skewl starts tooooo morrow!

fuggyah! my favorite fuggen day of the year...!!!! get them little bastards back to skewl and out of my existence! i mean out!!! im counting the days....i hope these bastids dont think they are coming home to live at home after college....guess i need to buy some extra shot gun rounds for my standoff! no fuggen way youre taking the hill...ill fight to the death....they are on their own!

i guess people have kids because they feel the need to pass on their awesome family traits to our world....or they forgot to put on rubber...or take the pill...some have kids to save their marriages...some need them for help around the farm or crack house....earl woods had his kid to be tiger woods...when i first of tiger woods i couldnt believe that someone would name their stupid , retard kid 'TIGER"....then i found out his real name is eldrick...earl woods shouldve been shot for that..wtf is an eldrick...old dick...elder rick...??? stupid ass clown....tiger woods is kinda gay...

i was a kid once you say...? yes i was...and i was a little fuggtard bastard too...i probably kept my parents up...made them nervous....pissed all over the bathroom....made mess after mess...asked for money and got it only to blow it on stupid retard shit...broke windows...broke countless bones....ate everything in existence...grew out of my shoes weekly...grew out of my clothes monthly...fought everyday with my sibling....

evidently mom forgot her pill...or dad forgot the trojan.....or they needed help around the crack house....

fraud..

me credit card company called...apparently someone in the LA county correctional facility got a hold of my card number and set up shop...nice..

how does this happen?

should this even happen?

you hear and learn about prison life through shows like "hard times" and "scared straight"..."shawshank"...greatest movie ever made....i guess there are fellas in prison that are able to get things for their fellow inmates..RED...now that was a guy who could get things for prisoners...andy got his rock axe from RED...andy escaped...

so now i guess if you do a crime....do the time...all while charging up someone elses credit card..

so now i have to fuggen go thru the process of filling out fraud forms....great....so once again the honus is on the rule follower....us rule followers continue to get the shaft....pisses me off...heavens to betsy!

its an upside down society....i feel like ive been violated....altho not the "violation" one receives in the bighouse...i guess us rule followers have that going for us eh?

celly ringers...

at the docs office yesterday afternoon...waiting room full...my doc is a rusky, and must treat every russian old fart in the stl area...great doc tho!

the ringtones from the patients were god awful...its apparent that the older crowd doesnt really care to change the default manufactured tones....you know that obnoxious ringer....the swooshy space aged crap noise....

and that got me thinking..

ringtones are a good way to tell all, that want hear, who the fugg you really are....

mine is the old fashion telephone ringer....its a classic...bold...loud...and just about everyone uses this same tone...that makes me one of the borg...a conformist...im the guy that goes to the longest line at the toll station..because i know it is open for bidness....sad really...need to change that...boooring!

only one of my ringtones is different...when the mother in law calls, my phone blares out the "emperors march" from star wars....fitting...she is not evil at all..but the mother in law marches in and uses her powers to influence everything and everyone...

my kids will sometimes mess around with me phone and change things up a bit...thats kinda cute and all but i really hate it....my kids mess around with all my technology....jail broke me ipod...the jail broken ipad is not a good thing...all it does is make shit way more confusing than it already is...i dont need my icons to move around....wtf!!? ...they change my screen savers on me pad and lappy....all that does is drain the already shitty power supply that these gadgets contain off the assembly line....what makes them do this? answer is simple...they look at me a stick in the mud and feel that me life needs spicing up...well, i dont...just leave my crap alone you little space wasters!

i go back to the old fashion ringer....boooring, loud, and booooring...im one of those...

one day ill be that old russian in the waiting room...with gout and a default ring tone...