car wash customer appreciation day

so wifey and i go up to 2 of our car washes....saturday...lunch time...bring about 200 dogs and buns....sodee (we say sodee here in missoura) pop out the ass...vess soda...cherry..orange...love that shit!

the weather blows....its over cast ...rainy....of course no one will wash their cars and eat up our shit we brought...it was a total failure... we did give some dogs and sodee away...in years past...all we did was start the fire and this shit flew off the grill....!

not only was it a failure....i failed miserably at lighting the gd charcoal...i have the hardest times with simple man things...i cant fix shit....start shit...cook shit...blank shit....(fill in the blank and i cant do it)

i so wanted to take a pic of this customer of ours...and post it....but i didnt think to...this lady, or watever she was/is had the biggest ass ive ever seen....it was a colossal mass of assmass....it was incalculable....the surface area of this can was larger than a fuggen elephant....an entire elephant...! not only was her assmass so fuggen huge...this lady was dancing up a storm while vacuuming out her piece of shit car...the music playing was priceless too....mudder fuggen n word this ....n word that...of course she had a child present...IN THE FUGGEN CAR....while this crap was blasting! this kid is probably deaf already, so no harm done...

im going to google "fat ass" and include that pic on this post...ill find the largest ass they give me....just multiply this ass by 2 and thats my gal!!!!

...ass pic x 2 = carwashladies assmass....

Virus

So ferfy gets on our technology..always...and downloads widgets..screensavers....etc on our lappys and itouches....our iPads..everything
Technology, ferf fuggs it up...he means well...it's cool dad ...jail breaking your itouch rules right?...

Well now my lappy has some kind of worm virus...it was one of those screens that pops up on you basically saying that your system is being looked at by some African tribe in Nigeria.... Crap...the screen saver and widget he put on was totally cool tho...

So now I have me iPad to master....this piece of machinery is totally coolness greatness...I love me pad eh...I'm confident that I will be with pad always from now on...

So my I.T. Fella will have to take me lappy and fix her up once again....I always cringe when I have to give up me laps...Boyd will now know where I've been....yikes!...first thing we males learned when the www was brought to us by al gore was erase cookies and delete browsing history...but something tells me that these eggheads always give it a looksee anyway. Fuggen bastids are all hackers anyway..

Hack away!...nothing illegal...unless searching for "deformed pigmy toe suckers" is illegal...

squash drama

there is not a single sport...activity....or whatever...that promotes more drama than SQUASH...

its ridiculous....whos playing who...? who beat whom? did you hear that this guy lost to a gal? that be me by the way....i got nancy'ed by nancy....nancy aint no ordinary gal either....shes tough and she beat me in front of many onlookers...i still havent recouped from that evening....i find myself in the fetal position every once in awhile.....sucking me thumb...thinking about the match....ill never be the same person i was before i entered that court....

i still hear the laughter....it follows me whenever i go to the MAC....this loss ruined me...

i enjoy the game, but the drama is too much sometimes....just got a call about squash...not business...but fuggen squash! i was kind of rude to the fella...but cfb!!!! its squash and this guy is a ninny...

its ok tho, because me squash is limited these days....no one to play with anymore really....im just the dude that got nancy'ed so there is no glory in taking me down anymore...im the clippers of the squash world.....feast away!

truck nuts...

built..i lost the knife yet again...the fuggen hooky thing gets loose and it must be under a cushion..

and that reminded me of a gift you were sposed to give me....for me birth....and you failed...

you have always got me the greatest gifts....i can make deals with these danglin off big d!

i want my trucknuts..

why bother eh?

seems like those "why bother?" days are pilin up on ole saundoggy....damn man...just give me something....anything to be happy about...im so due...ill take another nails salon deal!!!!

i love the saying you make your own luck....i do believe that is somewhat true...you work hard and have some good ideas and success will come your way...unless youre a complete dumbass like yours fuggen truly....it doesnt answer why the fella who busts his ass in the coal mine every fuggen day isnt as rich as bill fuggen gates tho....

bill gates was a thief...he legally stole his ideas from xerox...a fuggen stupid, huge corp like xerox allowed two punk kids to steal their shit. luck or hard work...??? hell the chinese stole every technology they have from the good ole usa...and people around the world praise those commie bastards like they are the worlds saviors...

today i put my nose to the grindstone....went out and banged on doors....willy loemann style...he was a pathetic bastard too....i can offer someone one year free rent and weekly hookers and fail...

tomorrow im revamping my entire strategy....im going to dial for dollars....get the decision makers on the fuggen horn and sell shit...like JL gotrocks did back in the day! "whats your angle...i like it...buy it!"...loved that episode...

ill report my findings this entire week....should be funny and fun!

whats the matter with flintstone...he's all right!

it takes a famous person...

i got the shingles about 7 years ago...nasty nasty pain....shingles are derived from the chicken pox virus...if youve had chicken pox, then you can get shingles...

shingles usually hit older peeps because older peeps immunity cells break down and they are susceptible to shingles...also, shingles will pop up because of high stress...

well, i wasnt old 7 years ago...must have been stressed to the max...because i got them...

shingles start out with major pain in the region they hit....most get em on the back...or sides...some get em on their faces....ouch...i got mine on my inner calf , downto my left foot (arch)....after 2 days of wtf kind of pain, you break out in lesions...they look like blood zits...hurts to the touch...fugg..it hurts period! these little bastards pop and the shit looks like shingles that are on your roof....

this shit lasts about 2 week to a month...many are lucky and it all goes away...the crappy looking skin and the pain...i wasnt so lucky....i have whats called POST HERPETIC NEURALGIA...ha..herpetic...well, it is a herpe...funny, when doc scripted meds for me, the label said something about herpes....wifey read this and well....i had some splainin to do...she was pissed....i dont blame her because who knew....? i didnt know it was herpes....

"POST" means after....i had no idea that after meant FOR FUGGEN EVER!!!!! because it hasnt stopped hurting....pins and needles....knives and forks...nerve pain like you couldnt imagine....24 fuggen 7...sometimes its bad...sometimes its really bad....the inner leg is way more sensitive than the outer... hell the inner everything is more sensitive than the outer everything....is there not a softer area on your entire leg than the foot arch....thats where it hurts the most...

wah wah wah...cry me a fuggen river right? wrong...im over bitchin about my shingles....ive learned to live with this shit...back hurts worse now....so its all good....yet...

tony larussa, stl baseball cardinal skipper, got the shingles on his face....and what happens? every single fuggen news show is about the shingles....what they are....what they do...how you get them...how to relive the pain...shingles vaccines...shingles everything! poor tony!!! tony this tony that....well i say go fugg yourself you stupid bastard....ive had these things for what seems like an eternity...ive explained this shit to everyone and many just called me a pussy...there were times that i wanted to hack off my leg...i kid you not...place left leg in vice and saw away...

tony got em on his face....guess he'll want to chop his head off soon...but he wont have the POST shit i have...my doc says that i have the longest POST shit then 99% of shingles peeps....i have POST for eternity...

oh joy!

so it takes a famous fella to bring awareness to just about everything....that cracks me up....normal folks have rehtard kids but when brad pitt has a tard, the whole world must be aware and do everything necessary to accommodate tards (i dont think he has a tard)....shit, a house just got blowed up by a tornadee but when al gores mansion loses a shingle, the whole world must be aware of climate change (i dont believe in climate change anything....we humans can not affect the weather PERIOD!) ....dudes party their whole life and chase women ...or just look at other women....but when tiger fuggen woods gets caught, every single man on this fuggen planet is being scrutinized no matter if we are awesomely loyal or not...all you have to be is a MALE and tiger woods deal put us on the scrutiny map for eternity....POST TIGERWHORE NEURALGIA!

urb dic defins...

i enjoy contributing to urban dictionary...

here are some of my favorites:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chucks+ass

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lagarunth

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=saundoggy

i had to take some off...

i just defined frakakta schtunky....it will pass editing soon....

its idiot thursday...not to be confused with bad parenting wednesday...

oh arnold!

what was the terminator thinking when he was banging that troll? maria shriver is ugly but that one there is the ultimate testament to the beer goggles defense...

its funny how we find out that these politicians/actors/stars live a life that is far from their daily work...the mighty fall...happens multiple times a year...and we are shocked...

i liken this to my squash career...i won the d's...the c's...almost won the b's....i was a threat to the fellas and well....they have all conspired to bring me down....i know there is a conspiracy here....nothing else explains my 1-18 losing streak....see...i battled to the pinnacle, only to have it all go away in one fail swoop...has nothing to do with my play....its the others that step up theirs to beat me like a red headed retarded stepper...theyre after me...the torches...the mob...i sense it...

we americans....we humans...love to build up each other....only to revel in our demises...

going back to arnold....i believe the fall isnt the issue here....seems like no one is really talking about the actual act of his infidelity....what everyone i talking about is ..."how in the hell does this fella bang an ugly like that?"

tigger woods had his share of uglies too....maybe the ugly ones make up for their handicaps by being awesome bed mates? that has to be!...there is no other explanation...i dont see woods or the terminator chatting it up with these ugs...getting their opinion on business ideas or current events...

all i can say is WOW...looks like the terminator wont be BAAAAAAHHHHHHK! his love child looks like he will be able to keep the terminator franchise going for a long time...perhaps that was his angle?

how bad is it?

ill tell you..

my 16 year old daughter....daughter mind you...(my dad was so happy when i had a daughter....he said nothing beats havin a little girl...dad, youre a complete retard!) treats me like shit..

actually ...picture this...

im a turd...in a pile of turd buddies...and there is another shovel full of turds being piled on me...over and over..higher and higher...the shoveler is me daughter....i can hear her laughing and cursing between shovels....im covered in turd....i have turd breath...i have turd clothes...the pile is huge and getting larger every day....

oh wait...the pile is lessening...hey wait...i can actually breathe now...wait..what syd...? what do you want? you actually are communicating....wow! yes...what...? oh 20 bucks...is that a smile...? did you just hug me? better get all the air i can muster before the shoveling begins....and it will begin soon...

yeah dad...i have a little girl alright...aint she sweet?

syds team lost yesterday...she wouldnt talk to me...i didnt watch game...wasnt allowed to...

banned...

i have been banned from watching my daughters soccer games....she wont let me watch her golf matches either....same goes for her squash matches....kids going to earn 10 varsity letters by the time she graduates....awesome...the others get to watch her....

i make her nervous...

i did get the invite for 3 games this season and she played great...i dont make her nervous...i stay way far away...dont yell...dont say a word....heck, i dont even like mingling with the parents....i dont like their kids...i dont like parents of other kids...annoying...

so syds on a pretty high powered HS team and they are doing well....i keep hearing that syd is playing awesome and its killing me that i dont get to enjoy watching my fuggen offspring make defenders look stupid....syd has mad one v one skills....and she is fast to boot....but i digress...cuz i dont get to ever see this shit..."you shouldve seen syd yesterday, she was awesome!" yeah shut the fuck up mate....

bubbas are totally different....they want me to watch their every move....so i go with them and i enjoy myself...they arent girls...males are so much cooler than females....girly girls are the complete worst!

so syds HS team kicks off at 4pm....the skewl is all stoked because they are good for once....this team is loaded with young talent so they will be awesome for several more years....but i dont get to see that....i just cut the check and count the days when this wasteful unit leaves my house...tick tock! she is number 24...thats probably the age she will be when she is gone forever...24 is a kickass number...i hear its a great show too....

as yoa would say...."bring little to the table this one does"

shanks are over..now back to your regulary skeduled program...

this weekend blew nuts..it rained all day...every day...not only did it rain, it drizzled, misted, spit, fogged, poured, sprinkled, and pissed H2O...all weekend long....

i figured out the all important golf swing and couldnt do anything about it....today...its beautiful....welcome to the LOU...and you wonder why we are the murder cap of the planet...nothing else to do cept bang the gang...and golf..but it was too fuggen wet!

saw another fella bust his ass today....this seems to happen all around me lately...who am i , the fall guy?..hahahaha....stupid ....this poor fatass missed a step at the MAC and the biggin went a tumblin....fell about 5 steps....rolled down like a fat piece of shit would tumble...it was funny as hell....i laughed, again....and walked away fast...his buddy laughed too so i thought my laughing wouldnt have an impact...

broke a ceiling fan glass this weekend....the replacement part is 70 fuggen bucks...this piece of glass must be made of diamond dust...you wouldnt believe how small this piece of glass is...so insignificant, until you need it replaced...if this glass costs 70 bucks, then the entire fan is worth 10,000 in parts..

im going to corner the ceiling fan parts replacement market.....buy 10,000 ceiling fans....take them all apart....and sell them in pieces...this is a billion dollar bidness....

home depot sucks....they once prided themselves in customer service....these people they hire must be walmart throwbacks....these people dont know shit....they look retarded.....act retarded....lowes isnt much better...we went there on saturday....wifey...me and the bubbas...it was zero fun....

i cant shop much anymore with anyone....i like golf shops and no one else in my family likes them....actually my entire family hates everything i like...at least i played golf with my dad from time to time....i sucked at golf back then, but i went anyway....my kids just ask me for money and tell me to shut the fugg up....

a new edwin watts just opened up a couple of miles away...thats cool...always liked the edwin watts company logo...fella has a great follow thru...if that fella is edwin watts, then edwin has a great follow thru...the old edwin watts logo looks as tho the poor fella is battlin gale force winds....thats no fun...

spawn of schleprock

thats me ...

i get the opportunity to play bellerive cc this am...and i get the shanks...i address the ball and have no idea how to swing...and when i did...hosel rocket....straight right...chinese laterals...the shanks....the absolute worst thing to happen to a golfer happened to me over and over and over again...sad really...cuz i was on fire...playing well...scoring well...excited about playing....and now ima mess...

i went/walked away from the course after 5 holes and i was steaming...the ultimate walk of shame....couldnt blame it on my back either....i go home and plop a couple of balls down in me backy and full blown pured em both...sweet spot...high draw...what the fuck!???? how does this happen...? i go back to my desk...tidy up some things....and go outside for two more hits....and bammo! perfect yet again...

at this time ima complete mess because i shouldve been making the turn at bellerive....

so i get the keen idea to make something happen for me today...i text sheppy for a squash game at lunchtime....word gets around quick at the MAC...and word has it that i suck at squash ...EZ PICKINS...yet again...ez pickings....so shep was hip on playing me....we played 8 games....bageled...i didnt get one game off this hack i never used to lose to....all too ez! hell sheppy had a doubles game not too long after...usually hed decline playing and rest for dubs...but not today...

i give orders for wifey to pick up 2 makers bots....and this is where i am presently....

oh yeah, before that...id given our worker fella the wrong fucking (fuck fuggin...im going deep from now on...fuck fuck fuck!) ceiling fans to replace...so this fuck took the wrong ones down...my fault of course....guess i wasnt quite listening well enough...wifey is cool about it cuz she knows i can go volcanic anytime now...

the shanks have almost cost me me marriage several times over our last 21 years....lately ive battled thru the bouts in timely fashion...i dont get them as oftn anymore....this bout is already gone...ive snapped clubs...ive snuck out to the driving range late night...wasnt supposed to go for i was banned.....but i had to figure it out...had to...

see golf is so important to me...its really the only thing i enjoy doing...i love golf equipment...clothes...courses...friends....hitting the shit out of the ball....when times are shitty and your golf is good...life is good...when things are great and your golf blows ass....life sucks shit...

when your bidness is bad and your golf is bad...then looooky owwwwwt! the big fat angry bear has been poked!

now my squash sucks too....i was getting pretty good...now i dont even belong with my once proud peer group....

so i am the spawn of schleppy...that unlucky fucker is like family to me...

wowsy wowsy woo woo....

ill snap back...maybe..

i was warned....

back in the day....when i was a pussy...now im a big pussy...i quit college footy...my coach warned me that i would never forget quitting football and it would haunt me forever...i told him to suck ass and go to hell...actually i was a pussy so i told him he was probably right and well...i just didnt like it so i left...plus they fugged with me so much...long story...long story short...i went in as a blue chip qb....i left as a lab experiment...

coach branch was right tho...quitting is a disease....ez to run away...i dont like confrontation....some peeps love that shit..

i started up squash once again...and well i still suck....im getting worse....im out of shape and punks that i used to waste are wasting me now....target rich environment...i might get some games now because word will get around that i suck...stat packers! crawling out of the woodwork...that wont last long as my temper and new portly form will scare the hell out of these stat packers....u want a win, youll have to deal with the angry bear....my smiles wont last long....

im angry...i know that im middle aged....i know i cannot be as active as i used to be....there are two distinct directions one like me can go....

1. keep on keepin it on....try and try and try while knowing you cant do what you used to be able to do....keep on truckin...work out...get sore and be angry

or

2. just realize that you suck and you are a pussy and just let go...get the beer belly (in my case the makers and chip n dip belly)...and play golf....be sore and be angry because ill get the shanks and want to kill people..

i need to make a decision soon.....

i have dreams still....dreams about college footy....one dream is so crazy....i have eligibility left and i get the call to suit up...its pathetic...as i cant even throw the damn ball...it goes no where...i keep picking i up and throwing it...only for the ball to just garo yepremian on me (garo was involved in probably the worst superbowl fail vr....fella was a kicker...snap was bad and garo attempted to throw it..the ball went straight up and sideways (shank throw) and right into the redskin defenders hands...td for the skins....)...over and over...i tell the coach i swear i can throw it...and i fail over and over and over again...

i always wonder what the dreams are like for the dock worker that quit his job....ring ring...hello...ya dude, i can still work the crane...ill be down there in 20.....the poor fella gets in the cab and cant work the crane...he drops his load over and over and over again...wakes up in a sweat...

quitting is a good for many things...smoking, drinking (on occasion), eating like a hog, biting your nails.... biting your toe nails....

STACK O MAGS

getting higher and higher as my scripts to people and us weekly keep getting renewed by SD.....dude...those rags blow! i do admit they make some decent bathroom reading....had no idea how the new princess....kate...picked out her wedding dress until this am...after my sbux grande red eye in a venti cup...natures enema...dont know why they call it a red eye...should be...ok ill stop...

no word from hong kong ugly today....i bet she has disappeared in the rice patty...these fuggen nail salons...they are the worst....the veitnamese language is so fuggen weird to me....they lengthen their words...."me gung yooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" thats like us english types saying..." i would like some iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!" who does this?

right now...im reading golf digest....i love golf digest...i love the tips....the pics....the club ratings....the golf course ratings...

later...

nails II

dropped off the lease modification to gal there...the buyer...HONG VY...should have called her HONG KONG UGLY...this gal immediately wants lower rent...shocker there eh?...i gave hong papers...and got out out of there like the viet cong during a recon mission...

i many times wonder what the hell i do...what is my purpose...what the fugg is up...i deal with a wide spectrum of peeps...and nothing amazes me anymore....im like a war vet that has been shellshocked into oblivion...i got 2 fuggen degress from SMU and im a fuggen maintenance man...

after all my dealings with crazy tenants...thugs at the car washes....crazy ass bastids of this plant....the one incident that i witnessed 3 years ago never leaves my mind...we have vandalism, robberies, trash dumpings out the ass...i was driving thru my retail centers lot and saw these white bastards, dressed in a suit...riding their bikes on thru...visiting tenants....no doooot they were latter day sainters...you know...you see em a mile away....it was 100 out and these poor bastards were in a suit passing out Lord literature...these peeps of god...these carriers of the WORD...ducked into one of my car wash bays, and fuggen took a piss on the bay wall....i saw them and i fuggen couldnt believe my eyes....my eyes...my eyes!!!! i shouted to these God fuggers..."you are gods people and you piss on my property???!" they both rode away....smiling...and on the 15th day...god said to piss on saundoggys car wash!

i digress...so far no deal with HKF....hong kong fooey...ill chime in when this ground breaking deal makes....this one deal will change the landscape of our economic engine....cross fingers...

i really need to start drinking again....i might buy me a big ole bot this weekend....fugget

another nail salon changing of the guard....

im going in...landing at the DMZ...10 am this am...my pickup truck standing in as a Huey substitute...locked and loaded...col kilgore style...

another fuggen vietnamese conflict...

this is the 4th party that this tenant has scraped up to take over their leasehold...this chickas name is...HONG VY...

this meeting will be an absolute clusterfugg....the vietnamese will call me many names....unbeknownst to yours truly...i wish i could understand....id love to tell them that im well aware of their mean harsh words....they hurt....im sobbing...

the sellers of the store are assholes and i cant wait for them to get the hell out! they pay rent, but they are mean to people....rude....HON QUACH... youre an asshole....im calling you out....

these salons...these names...its confusing....on the phone yesterday with a brother of the owner...i dont recall his name...but there was a dong or bong in there somewhere....i dont know who the tenant is anymore...i havent met the new lady yet...

ill chime in after meeting....you might catch a glimpse of this on CNN....as this could become a international "event"....

slow golf

when you are the first to tee it...no one is on the course...and the fella you play with is slowy mcslowerson....it gets to be a bad idea...

this am...woke up early...and golfed with "coach" ...coach gets comped so it was free....but how free is free? this fella is a nice guy but fuggen a....every single shot requires addressing the ball...backing off...addressing the ball....changing clubs...looking at his gps...10 practice swings....and fire! finally!..the results arent pretty either...not bad...but not as great as the "TALK" you get to hear...

im fuggen the fastest golfer in the history of the game....i get to my ball....shoot the stick with me laser gun...ZERO practice swings...practice swings are a waste....i have found that your first swing is always the best...kind of like guessing on your SAT's...fire! rinse and repeat...MOVE OUT and MOVE ON!

we shouldve finished in 245....ez..took us a little over 4 fuggen hours....we had a cart....no one was on the track! unreal....just so frustrating...

i dont know what to do as my golf sample has petered out...no one will play with me anymore...i dont thinks its me...perhaps it is...i do feel that im the only person alive while playing....i do practice proper etiquette while playin tho...im nice enough....i do talk to myself a bunch tho....tinker with my swing....BUT...i dont waste anyones time!!!!!

perhaps its my big ole wad of dip i have in between my cheek and gums... i dont spit on tee boxes and greens tho! ...perhaps its that i dont give 2 shits about helping anyone find their ball....i hate looking for my own.....why should i bother looking for someone elses?....unless of course there is money on the line and pardsies ball is in trouble....then ill sneak a peak...

these fuggers on tv have wrecked this game...line up their shit...walk around their putts..practice swing city!....its not supposed to be like this...just get out and get it over with fcs!!!

hey it monday and i got in an early 18....no complaints right? wrong! it sucked because i fuggen cant stand slow, shitty golf...

just saw a poor fella fall

im laughing my ass off...this bastid got up from his folding chair....at lax games all pm...and just busted his ass .. .as tho the fella was on a sheet of ice...we are in a flood plain and there are rows and rows of crops...this big ole piece of farm machiney caught this poor dbags interest...up from the chair...down the slight grade to get a better look....and bammo...im fuggen dying...this poor dbag looked around to make sure no one was watching...i was...and i fuggen let out a loud and proud laugh...think he heard me even tho im in my truck and about forty yards away....ha...fuggen dude bit it hard...he keeps getting up and stretchin his ass....ha...hes fat too which makes it funnier..

this lax thing sux... its mothers day and these little shits have three games...my sons are no great...that means i get three hours of this shit watching the other sons play lax...i dont give a shit about these other little bastards....its over...now home with memories of this fat bastard falling!!!

ball washer...a new fragrance by...

there are certain smells that are just awesome...

i love the smell of the golf course ball washer....its fuggen greatness....there is no smell like it....the ball washer from the muni courses smell way better than the country club variety tho...there is no comparison...the muni ball washer is old skewl...reminds me of the days when pops took me golfing at belk park...in wood river illinios...belk park is a classic muni course...and the smell of the ball washer hit your nostrils just as you got out of the old mans buick company car...i enjoyed washing me balls as a kid...and still enjoy washing me balls as an adult...

gals should wear this fragrance...instead of the floral shit..."ball washer"...gold! guys would flock...one whiff of " ball washer" and your mate will want to play 18...get out of your hair...an attractor/detractor...a fragrance for the woman who wants to get their man out of the house for 6 hours!

i love the smell of clubman...clubman deodorant spray...clubman hair spray....clubman powder...clubman everything smells kickass...wifey hates this smell and im not certain why...it baffles my mind...i dose meself with the man whenever possible...

col kilgore loved the smell of napalm in the morning...

seems like dogs and monkeys like the smell of ass...i find that disgusting...perhaps clubman can make ass spray..?

shes a big girl now...

parents are fuggen crazy about shit their kids do...brag about how great their "little shits" grades are....how many goals "little prick" scored....

dont get me wrong...i am proud of my little darlings....but i dont dote..dd..dont dote!

helicopter doting parents are the worst....

i tell my kids that they should be awesome at everything...because i was awesome at everything...case closed...beat it!

one thing i want my kids to grasp is a sense of independence....autonomy....get off the nipple you little bastards...

syd made great headway this am...and i gotta say, im proud as hell...dote dote dote...

her car ("cleveland"..named after the family guy character) , my old pos bmw, needed repair...the fan sounded like the airwolf helicopter...no doooot it was a loose belt...i have taken this car in for repair almost monthly for the last 6 months...and im fuggen tired of it...so i told her to take it in herself...

this bmw place is not your typical bmw place...its a used bmw repair shop located in a hoody area... not south bronx....but somewhat hoodrow wilsonesque...

she went in...talked to eddie...eddie fixed it...and she went home...took her 10 minutes...

hmmm..i got to wonderin...hmmm....why such a short turn over time...? i always have to drop the fugger off or sit and wait for a hell of a lot longer than 10 minutes...and it came to me...i bet that these guys have never had a 16 year old gal bring a car in for repair...ive been there countless times over the last 15 years and i bet this has never happened to them before...

im going to have syd do all my shit from no on...and why not..? i bet shed get instant service at lowes or home depot...where it takes me hours just to find someone in orange...

im never taking her car in ever again...im never taking my truck in...im using this little nugget for as long as she lives under me roof...

so out of shape....its stupid

i have my eating disorders kind of in check...im not eating like a fuggen pig ass any more...went to mac for a steam and shower and left exhausted....literally tired...winded ....from the activity i used to do after a hard hour of squash...this is so sad...

watching this self destruction from my own eyes has been tough on me...i can only imagine what my loved ones and friends think....i dont recognize my pathetic fatass much any more...guess that can be good...i can start up a whole new life now...my fatass life...lazy fat piece of shit life...

need to get back on the horse soon or i will never want to go back....so ill start, once again...probably saturday...or next thursday...see, next thursday is when i play my next known and scheduled squash game....playing an up and comer.. he saw me just 2 hours ago while i was laboring in the mens locker...he is a fuggen buzzard flying around the fat elephant carcass....he knows he can beat me now, thus the invitation....and thats how it works...the circle of fatlife..

its easy picking on the fat guy...

depo

ever been deposed? if so, you know how bad these fuggen things suck! this am is day 2 of my deposition prep...i feel like im back in college....not the fun college tho...ahhh the fun college....i think it was fun, i dont remember much...my friends from college are very cool peeps, so i guess i had fun...this is the BAD college...the cram and study college...i remember BAD college vividly...

depos are ridiculous....its basically the other lawyer trying their bestest to trip you up, while your attorney is kicking you in the shins under the table....or giving you the leg squeeze....i think the kick means you have said something that hurts your case...or you are rambling for way too long.....the leg squeezer has a "good job" feel to it...me likey the leg squeezers...

in 45, im in for my test...im wearing a pair of me kiddos old shin guards...

tomorrow is the real deal...

fuggen crap shit ass...!

always go back to ole reliable...

humans are creatures of habit...conforming to a schedule...same ole same ole...waiting in the longest line because you know its open and a safe bet....order the same thing at the same restaurant...order the same drink over and over and fuggen over and over and over again (i swear ill never drink again)...

very few dare to step out..into the liquid...and when we do, its fuggen fun ....for a wee bit of time....then you always go back to ole reliable...

over the last 24 months, i have purchased4 different putters...i was a decent putter when i was putting with me ole callaway tuttle....the tuttle...this putter was very popular when it came out....johnny fuggen dbag miller actually won his last pga tourney wielding the tuttle...that must have been about 16 years ago er so...

the tuttle is the ugliest putter in the history of ugly putters...it looks like a utility club...instead of putting with it, a golfer should be trying to hit it about 220...i loved my tuttle and well, i was pretty damn good with the bastard.. the tut is a heavy headed putter...i like heavy heads....better, more solid contact...and i was good with it...have i mentioned that yet?

evidently, i wasnt good enough with it....tuttle was in me sack for 16 years... i bought it after miller won with it...fish hook purchase...i chomped at that bait...im the reason why infomercials air...

i saw these fellas putting with a two ball putter and well...i kinda liked what i was seeing....so i got one...then i gave it to syd, so that gave me an excuse to buy another...better...two ball putter...this 2 baller was bigger and more cumbersome...but it was cool looking...it was silver and black so it hooked me...not too long after buying 2 ball putter numero 2, i saw all these pro fags putting with a white headed mallet putter....thing is called the GHOST putter...didnt take long for me golf mates to pounce on me for being gay and putting with a white putter... usually this wouldnt hurt me much...i did use the tuttle for 16 years and caught a bunch of shit for that...but this shit was relentless... guys i think are "kinda gay" were making fun of my gay putter..."ghost putters is kinda gay"..sergio dbag garcia uses the ghost...need i say more...

the ghost is in a resting place....got me tuttle re gripped with an army camo hero grip (for everygrip purchased..one dollar goes to the troops first foundation)...very cool grip...kinda makes it look mean and manly...too bad this wouldnt work for the ghost....i dont think anything can be added to the ghost that would make it look cooler...if steve macqueen used the ghost, then id go back to it...

seems like we always go back to where we were before....perhaps ill learn me lesson here and find a fuggen set of irons to stick with...still torn...and irons are fuggen expensive...mizuno 58s rule!...reckon ill go trade in me ole quip and have some serious store cred for future self punishment...

couldnt imagine being a Mormon.....or an A RAB sheik...with all of those wives...i cant make up my mind for shit...