hey now

so xmas sucked....its ok tho...everyone else got what they wanted....i wanted a fishing kayak...i didnt get it... i did get the coolest trunk locker tho...oakland raiders trunk locker for big d...store all my cool golf shit i didnt get for xmas...

got some cool gift cards tho...saundoggy loves to shop...so im happy bout that...

the kayak was what i really wanted....i wont buy it for meself tho...

wahhhh!

off to houston manana ....holiday road...vacation style...stoked...later

yule time joy

wifey gives me a list of presents for her....which im slowly and surely...checking off one by one by one..etc..ive even thrown in some nice surprises....

we'd agreed ...after last year....to not give any presents to each other anymore.....its awkward...wifey isnt the best gift receiver...actually...shes quite bad at it....

one cant fail tho when you get exactly what she wants....can they? its possible tho for me...haha

wifey told me something quite funny the other day..i never gave her any ideas on gifts for me because i was all for the not giving gig.....actually.....thats not true..id throw a fit if i didnt get anything for xmas....i love gifts...im the worlds best gift receiver....ask anyone!

wifey tells me that her gift to me is advising others on what to give me....its as tho there is an intricate network of behind the scenes...backdoor....under the table....shenanigans goin on here...

fuggen funny as hell really....MY GIFT TO YOU IS XMAS GIFT LOGISTICS!

i know better....maybe...perhaps...i hope...

kids aint gettin shit....they get money to spend...no fuggen games...toys..bikes...cameras..ipods..ipads...lap tops...red ryders..they get to take their wads and blow it for themselves...i refuse to buy anymore shit!

watchout where the husky's go....

we had a freezing rain Storm yesterday and last night....haha...every skewl is out cepting my kids prestigious college preparatory skewl....hahahahaha! all of the public skewl...where i went....are out ...and those kids are probably hitting the old bong as i type...

so wifey and i made the decision that syd shouldnt drive our precious cargo to skewl today....so i loaded up the bummed out (totally bummed out) clan in BIG D and off to learn they go...

getting in BIG D...i noticed christopher (ferf) pointing something out to austin (awny)....they were both snickering to the point where i got curious...

what up bubbas?...i finally get what they are snickering about...

after getting home from skewl yesterday, ferf got bizzy on natures canvas...

nice werk ferf! love the way you perfected the weezer movement in your circles....it flows...no jagged edges...nice bro!

a regular yellow snow picaso

proverb wednesday

wtf is wed nes day anyway? weird word...wednesday...wednes...wed...nes...day...

i read a list of proverbs at jimmy johns the other day...

some were very funny...these are they...errrr watever...

• never...ever! take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night



• if you ever had to identify, in a single word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "MEETINGS."



• there is a very fINE line between "hobby" and "mental illness"



• people who want to share their religious views with you never want you to share yours with them....MY FAVORITE!!!! awesomest prov ever!



• you will never find anyone, anywhere, in anyplace, who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.



• a person that is nice to you while being mean to the waiter, is not a nice person!



• men are like fine wine... we start out as grapes...and its up to the bitches to stomp the shit out of us until we turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

xmas...

christmas spirit to me is all about the presents! i love to give shit to my kids and wifey....and i sure as hell love receiving presents....i know i know....it sounds so shallow....what do you expect

from a fella like me tho...???

ok..i would love to meet the gal, the wife, that says "oh ...xmas is all about the family love and togetherness..." i want to see the face on this chick that gets bageled (zero) for xmas...nada...nuttin from her man..."oh honey, we have happiness and joy together....thats what its all about ...right hon....right?????"

oh yes...thatd be a classic scowl...doghouse city....beat it fella!

im such a self centered sob....i put me and family first....my friends mean a great deal to me too...but you aint gunna get shit from me...not even a card...ill do the "scan the xmas photo of my kids with santa...send it to you via email" gig....point ...click....and ship...dundy!

merry fuggen xmas....2010 sucked ass! bring on 2011...i fear that 2011 with suck smelly ass!

boobs.com lingere.com

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the wonders of facebook

so awhile ago i befriended Playboy on Facebook, much to the chagrin of my jesus freak zealot family member....i really feel that the big J himself would enjoy the magazine...but i digress...

so on my facebook page i see that Playboy is promoting an AXE contest...the text went as follows:

"The benefits of having clean balls are self evident. But who knew a shiny, fresh smelling set of man-spheres could bring you a trip to a college football bowl game of your choice in jan 2012

"the ballsiest college party ever" competition...!"

wowsers!

shit!!!! C on a fuggen bike (CFB)...too bad this contest wasnt held back in my day....all of our parties were of sausage nature.....a regular man-sphere smorgasbord! we were basecamp for man-spheres! ...think the gals were scared of us...who knows....?we would be college football bowl game bound!

clean your spheres! thats my new mantra!

fuggen raiders!

cfb to one and all....and to all a good night!

fuggen raiders were up huge...dominating...and then blew the toilet in the second half with a big ole pile of filthy...stinky...crappy sheeeeet....

i hate everything....

i hate the fact that im sober now...

i hate the fact that im not playing squash anymore....(we'll see how long that lasts)

im bored to death....

swimming...yay! bubbles bubbles bubbles!

but i have clarity....and clarity makes me angry...and " anger gives you focus!" (senator palpatine...or darth sideous...one and the same)

george baileys nut sack

is huge...this poor fella could never...ever do what he wanted to do...as a kid, he was a national geographic explorer....wanted to sail the seas to exotic lands....

but no...the building and loan and an overbearing mr potter kept him from doing this....the building and loan kept " ole moss back goerge" ( a nickname coined by georges long time buddy sam wainwright...the same sam that offered george a solid ground floor investment into PLASTICS!!!) from going to college too...poor george...the fugger was forced into his miserable world of managing a struggling bidness in a dump like bedford falls....marriage...kids (wtf is a zuzu?)..potter...

when the bank was being run....that stupid asshole bastard wanted his entire 450 bucks out of georges personal kitty...this kitty was going to be used for his gd honeymoon....and that greedy bastard wanted it all....i wouldve knocked that fugger out..but george bailey gave him the entire amount.....

georges nut sack was huge...he endured so much pain for everyone elses pleasures.....what a guy!

finally ...in the end, the grubby bastards that were the recipients of mr baileys love, finally paid it forward...and george bailey became the richest man in bed falls!

way to go mr bailey....!

and fugg potter too...!!!!that ole bastard stole from uncle billy....if he returns that $8000 deposit, george never would have gone to the bridge...but then again, he wouldnt of had to endure that night with Clarence...and thusly becoming the richest man in bedford falls...!

nutsack!!!! george bailey has a biggen!

fuggen stripey tree

ok...its been awhile...fuggen life of mine...im going sober now and was hoping that would help things....all it did was give me headaches and totally erase my head of the creepy/angry thoughts and ideas from my noggin...booooring...

so with my aching back, i come to you now squashless....a huge part of my life taken away...just like that...im pissed...angry...life aint fair...so i swim now and i like it...but it aint the workout...actually it is but its booooring....so now im boooring and worthless

so what do i do?....i go out to Target to put an ease on my christmas decorating....i buy pre lit...ez to assemble tree....plug it in and it fuggen lights up like a xmas tree...by god!

well...my fuggen tree doesnt light the fugg up...wifey messes with it and oi la...a tree with evenly disbursed lighting....but wait...not so fast....my fuggen tree has a thread that aint lightin up so good mate....wtf!!!

oh stripey tree oh stripey tree....you suck so bad i want to snuff you!

i just spent an hour trying to figure out why this this wont light up entirely....i need makers so bad now...but i wont....i refrain...for the good of my disorder...

duck hunt

went on my first duck hunt yesterday...fuggen beauuuuuuutiful! this place was so titty...what is titty? well the "tits" are the best....so if something is "titty"....well...its the best...dont know why this is because im an ass and legs man myself...but tits are pretty cool too...

i digress...

this hunt club was exclusive to 4 brothers and another guy....this place is 200 acres of fowl shooting heaven....many blinds throughout...you had to wade out in the water to these blinds...i guess thats why you need waiters....i didnt have shit..but i knew they had gear for me...and boy did they ever! they had everything...guns and ammo and shit...multiple gators for transport to and fro...

the clubhouse...omfg...this place was mount titty! the tits of the titty! plush accommodations included the nicest of nice in leather sofas, chairs, wood burning stove, huge plasma tv...a gear room full of fuggen awesome hunting gear..lockers...a garage with the titty of titty gators and atvs...THIS PLACE IS AUGUSTA NATIONAL OF DUCK CLUBS!

i was the newbie...only one there that has never hunted before...i was told to wear clothes that i would hike in on a cold day...so i wore jeans...and a bright RED jacket...UHHHHH....yeah...well that wass the funny part of the entire day....WHO the fugg wears red when they are hunting?

Saundoggy does thats who!

i was the brunt of all jokes...thing is tho..it didnt matter, because they had a cammo hunting coat for me anyway.....i knew that...but i went along with the crowd...Ive learned, long ago, that when you are made fun of by your peers, its a good thing...that means they like you....that explains why ive been laughed at pretty much my entire life...i have lots of friends....or im the biggest ASSCLOWN in human history...

we didnt get a bird yesterday...the wind was still and the ducks wouldnt come down to land...its ok tho..i got to fire several shots at some ducks that were apparently just out of range...if they were in range...i wouldve bagged about 3 in one shot...im that good...

im fuggen jazzed about duck hunting now..i want to gear up with all the shit and go again! problem is, i want to go to this place...and no other...ive reached the top and will refuse to slum it!

only the best for saundoggy!

syd passed her drivers test!

finally..i have a kid that drives...!!! totally stoked! we just had a nice family dinner and birthday cake....and now syd too bubbas to mac for some squash....wifey and i have the fuggen house to ourselves...im so giddy! im farting up a storm im so excited!

wifey all nervous and doesnt get my smiles...oh well...to each his/her own...

next step...COLLEGE!!!! baby steps i guess...

bad back...stomach flu...

so i havent blogged in awhile...thats probably bad news for you peeps out there enjoying the many trainwrecks that are unfolding right before your eyes....

ill get back soon....

bad lower back will be the end of me soon....note that....

fuggen wired hair wiener dog...

had dingleberry removal procedure tonight....guess who does that work?

dogs name is schnicklefritz...he is a piece o shit....bites males....

its syds dog...she doesnt take care of the bastard at all....i do..shocker eh.."dad, ill take care of him...i promise!" same shit i pulled on my folks...amazing how shit like that flows down the family tree...

i brush him...bathe him...feed him...water him...and pull shit off his hairy ass....

he is a cute dog tho...if he wasnt...he would have been stomped long ago!

the "bad boy"

sons bought themselves (split it) a sweet automatic airsoft gun...M1A1 thompson...real wood...metal...523 feet per second firing speed....6 bullets per second...semi auto and automatic...

560 bullet capacity clip...

i shot it this am..into the small pond in our front yard....and for an instance...i knew what it was like to be on the high ground shooting from a pill box...

this baby is sweeeeeeeeet!

problem is, there is only one...the twins are splitting it....this should be a bunch of fun when the dorktards fuggen fight over it...then it gets thrown out into the pasture...!

id hate to be on the accepting end of this bad boy...welt city! better not be me...

this weekend im going to turkey hunt the bubbas with this bad boy....they love it,...i sit up on the high ground, and they run for their lives....they are well clothed and have helmet and full face gear on...so no one gets hurt....that much

wash duty with syd

mikey still on vaca...yesterday and today, i got some help with the car washes...syd...cant believe the worlds laziest kid helped her dad...not once...but twice...syd out of skewl today...teacher workshop shit..

ahh..she turns 16 next week....car anyone?

kids kill me...when they want shit they turn up the bullshit

always loved xmas time...leverage city! my kids will lick my shoes for a crack at their xmas list...its so much fun watching them grovel...

syd did well...i was surprised...at one of the washes today....a pants on the ground punk (this dudes pants were near his calf...lowest pants ive ever seen) was jamming a song..oh my...this song was a beauty..."im gunna mudder fugg u all nite long mudder fugger!" this lyric went on and on..over and over....syd was cracking up...i was kinda crackin up....it was unreal...and loud...and clear...great artists at work!

greatness!

this poor bastard..all that shit he bought for junior will be his demise...if he survives....poor junior!!!

fuggen moron

wifey and her gal pals got 8 ticks to see chelsea handler manana nite..ill pass thank you..

their super mega rich sugar daddy at the mac gave them his suite for the show and they asked me to sell their tickets on craigslist...

bad idea....im ADD and i fugged up bad..basically....i lost them each about 50 bucks per ducket...

how u ask...? well i got cocky as one responder wanted to know if id pair them for 125....i said hell yes..thinking he meant 125 per ticket....the gals thought i was fuggen pimp daddy phat...

i got another fellow for the same deal....problem was, he meant 125 for the pair as well...

saundoggy said "deal!" so i guess i have to go with it...TWICE! 4 tickets for a 200 buck ducket fugget loss!

you do someone a favor and you end up shitting the sheets..

i get all upset about this little shit...hell it aint even my money...thing is tho...i was all strutty earlier, braggin about my "wheelin and dealin!" in front of the bitches (that their nickname for their flock) and now im all YIPE YIPE YIPE ...like a punished dog..

pimpin aint ez my friends....price you pay to help out....now i know why people walk by and ignore the mugging...

wifey wont be happy...as she was all proud of me earlier...YIPE!!!!

my friday

615 am ...wake up

630 am ... go to starbucks....get a red eye for me and a latte for wifey

7am...its bread co friday...i take kids to skewl in the ams and on fridays we go to stl bread co...where the kids order up and saundoggy sits on his ass drinking his starbucks red eye

730 am...drop kids off to their very exclusive private skewl...this place is unreal..it should be...$$$.. in my crewmax....while dodging the lexus' ....benz's...and out of our RANGEROVERS!

8am...i get to clean and maintain our 3 car washes...big mikey is in fla for a week...i love this work..its awesome, as long as i dont get my ass capped by the pants on the grounders....it can get scary

830 am...meet my sign guy...going to brand my washes...KEEP IT CLEAN CARWASH...gunna use the keep on truckin dude as my mascot...why the fugg not..!?

130pm...show space at one of our retail centers to a gun and ammo shop....kick fuggen ass!!! id love to have em as a tenant...might just offer them 1 yr free rent...this place is very old skewl cool....guns are awesome!

5pm...pick up bubbas from their last football practice...watching them play football has been the coolest of all cool....well...just as cool as that gun and ammo shop..

530pm...squash league...ima mess...i choke every match this year...for some reason...im an absolute wreck...it makes for some great stories....one of these days i might be leaving the court in cuffs....

630pm...makers mark

"chief" "guy" "ace" "sport"

i was called GUY today and well.....any one that calls you that should be smashed ballside by a sledgehammer..

checking the douche bag dictionary:

Chief

-noun

1. a word used by a total douche bag uses to point out the leader of people.

"hey chief! what do you say about having some brandy in the hearth room after some snooker?"

2. boss or leader

"hey chief! what do you say we go out to the clubs after we dump these hookers after having some brandy in the hearth room after some snooker?"

Guy

-noun

1. a boy, man or fellow...douche bags use this when demanding a service...

"hey guy, why dont you bring my car out front after me and the misses sip on some brandy in the hearth room after some snooker!"

Ace

-noun

1. douche bag word that replaces the word "stud" "stallion"

"wow ace! you really scored with those 3 girls after sipping on the brandy in the hearth room after shooting snooker!"

Sport

-noun

1. a noun, usually stated by a sweater vest wearing, great Gatsby looking, total d bag to replace someones.... in the highest of demographics... real name....

"hey sport, looking good...after driving my bentley to the country club and playing 18 and then driving my bentley to the squash club and playing a match, why dont we talk about all of our great financial accomplishments and how we screwed people out of all their savings in our ponzi scheme while sipping brandy in the hearth room after shooting snooker?"

never hunted before...got an invite...

and im fuggen all in....! after shooting sporting clays...saundoggy is officially an outdoorsy kind o fella....

a big , powerful, italian family owned real estate developer invited the dawg out for a duck hunt...ive never..in my sorry life...ever shot and killed a living creature...my pops always went pheasant hunting and i always passed....pops has an arsenal of weaponry....and all of the sudden, im interested in having these jewels added to my pitiful arsenal...

november 18....i get to "enjoy a day of duck hunting, food, and friendship..." kick fuggen ass!

i have zero equipment..but guess what???....its all provided....no gun...PROVIDED...no AMMO...PROVIDED....no cammo...PROVIDED! no clue....HOPEFULLY PROVIDED!!!

i hope i dont shoot someone....im big time ADD...i sure hope i listen to the rules otherwise someone might get hurt...sure hope i dont dip into the makers while out in the blind...that could be very bad.....im hopin this italian family doesnt put me in cement shoes after i make a complete jackass out of myself...!

im giddy....im gunna blow those little bastards out of the fuggen sky!!!!

no more touchy feely animal lover....ima killer....ima mess!

my tard daughter

kid has it all....smarts...looks...common sense...athletic ability from the heavens...

always after her to practice....work on her game, hone her skills...whatever that game is...soccer, golf, squash, you name it....she could be a great one! it would be a bonus on her resume for college admission....if she wouldve practiced her golf for maybe 5 hours max..not a day...just 5 hours......shed be good enough to get a scholarship...... she has that much potential...but no...she HATES golf...! hell...she hates her coaches (every fuggen one of em), teachers, me, wifey....her brothers...etc etc etc!!!

her take on this encouragement....and i quote.."ill never be good because you said i wont be, so im not going to practice."

would someone please come take her away please....and return after paying for her remaining hs and college tuition...PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! im begging you!... actually...dont return her until you pay for her fuggen wedding!

mizzou here she comes! fine by me!

proverb

Saundoggy says: make your mark in life....just make sure its not of SKID variety

yawning crickets...

ima fuggen bore...wtf cares???? i clean a mean fuggen kitchen.....and fold laundry up the azz....found scotch tonight....man thats good shit...

insignificant me is....as i just found out how to track me blog hits....and well...im about as popular as a yeast infection in a whore house...

wifey dont read me...id read her tho...and thats what makes saundoggy cool....look me up on urban dictionary...im the coolest...fuggen right!

damn booze

costumes for kids

holy crap! why cant these kids make their own halloween costumes? went shoppin last night because ferf had to be a banana and awny had to be an inflatable football for hween....syd is a cowgirl....she has to have the exact same costume as her friend...i will never figure out this female thing...dont even want to!


awnys football costume inflates...fuggen great! even better is the "kick me" sign plastered on the rear of the outfit....wtf....hes literally going to get his ass kicked all day today in school...i can hear it now....kids in the hallway...THUMP!..."the kick is up and its GOOD!" ... poor stupid tard.


ferf might be sent home today....as his banana costume is phallic...he looks hung like horse....waiting for the call.....tick tick tick....its quite disturbing....i think his costume was found in the adult section...


all in all it wasnt so bad as far as costs are concerned...china loves halloween....china loves all of our holidays....as these costumes were made in some sweat shop outside shanghai....stay away from fire....whooosh!








last year, the bubbas made their own costumes.....they were awesome....and cheap...and funny ...and great...they lasted one house....then off with the boxes and onto the houses...later they burned em up in the bon fire....rockem sockem robots....greatness...!

mudder fugger vacas are tough

im still fogged in from my extended weekend in dallas...every october, i go to dallas for a golf orgy with chuck and the boys...funny, every year i see these fellas i went to college with, and it never gets old...id like to think that we arent getting old , but thats a big fat lie...we laugh our collective asses off....i feel like i have abs of steel after a long wknd with chuck and the boys..

when out of my bubble, i cant sleep or shit...i can drink, pee and eat tho...we play lots of golf and we eat lots of food..and drink lots of makers mark...lots...while sitting on our asses on the golf cart or couch...

i hate the last day so much....i know im totally spent and the following week will be worthless....i know that the fun is over and the reality of life back home is approaching...the crap business...the lawsuits....the lawyers....the banks.....all the fun shit waits for me...

kids: first thing the little bastards want is a gift....beat it punks...you dont get shit....i went to dallas to have fun with my friends....and thats it...no gifts....what the fugg is goin on here? they lost interest in me quickly once i told them they were out of fuggen luck! nice eh?

i went to bed monday night at 730pm...last night 8pm....ive evacuated my bowel problems....send out a hazmat crew, me throne needs to be quarantined off.....DONT GO IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im still fogged in....its crazy....ill be back in order by dec 2....when VEGAS comes! im giddy! golf at bali thur/ fri...royal links sat....sports book all day sunday....gicfwigotybtysaapagtp! (gawd i cant fuggen wait im going off this year because this year ('10) sucked ass and people are going to pay!

nfl

please nfl i beg you...get rid of instant replay...it sucks! the refs call should stand! its a human game, played by humans, watched by humans , and officiated buy humans....who the fugg cares if the humans that officiate the great game of football are old b

lind and fat....i dont...just make the call and get on with the fuggen game!

i hate it because most of the time, the old fugger gets its right...but they are forced to go look at the play from the 3000 different angles.....then ascertain whether or not there is CONCLUSIVE evidence to over turn the call.....

cfb!!! the nfl has too many rules to interpret anyway....now you have some idiot in a both discussing a call with the idiot on the field...probably Caesars palace bookie on the line as well.....5 minutes later, we get some crazy concocted diatribe why a fumble was considered an incomplete pass....ala the tuckrule....fuggrule....the field ref got it right....brady was shaking his head walking off the field....but nooooo...the booth made that call and the pats went on to win the bowl that year....

i dont give a shit if the call on the field goes against the raiders, just play on...get it going! like old skewl!

i hate volumes of rules....we have a govt that makes them every day....moms and dads make em too.....too many of them arent enforced....screw enforcing a rule...just make up more shit rules that keep you from making any coherent decisions.....blame it on someone/something else....like a fuggen camera! bunch of pussies!

let the players untuck their shirts too! everything looks all clean and tidy...jeeeezus!

this new hitting rule...helmet to helmet....omfgsmnwashahtutdabebc...(oh my fuggen gawd smash my nuts with a sledge hammer and hang them up to dry and be eaten by coyotes) what a bad rule.....im all for players not leading with their helmets...that rule has been made long ago..but not enforced...but...what happens when the runner drops his head and hits a defender? is this cool? and how do these old fart officials ascertain this? a suspension for a guy hit helmet to helmet with a running back who drops his head.....fugg that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

point is...football is a simple game....get rid of all the communication too....the headsets..burn em...the mic'd helmet, toss em away!....just line up and play! you are losing me!

brett favre threw a beauty td to his te sunday night....the nfl made a rule just after the rams v bucs nfc playoff game that shouldve been interpreted there, on the field, right then and there..and it was! perfect...beautiful.....well done! BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO.... ref ....but the replay crew over turned it....that was a game winner...but it wasnt in the end...because replay suck ass! im not a pecker fan...a viqueen fan..i actually hate brett favre..big fuggen cry baby drama dbag fugger....wahhhhh!!!....but i am (was) a big fan of the game and its losing me...wont be long until i tune out altogether!

been on vaca..dudes...golf..

nothing beats a very long...extended weekend...golf orgy with your buddies...nuttin...cept for a very long...extended weekend orgy in vegas with wifey...

thing is...im so amped up for golf...i cant fuggen sleep...hell i cant sleep when im away from my raiders snuggie ..in my bed..in my bubble...never could...my system clock shuts down too....missed all my poopertunities...im blocked up like the lincoln tunnel at rush hour...ive literally slept 5 hrs max during the last 2 nights...im fuggen giddy for golf...all ive done is roll in bed, fart, and watch the clock slowly tick towards a comfy time to get up...

we play a pete dye special today...uncle built is with us and while hes one of my very solid mates, he sucks ass in golf...built has a great swing....fluid...all the natural fundamentals met soundly...yet he struggles...and its fuggen hilarious at points...

yesterday, we played 36 holes..long ass day on two long ass difficult tracks...built smothers a drive left...remarkably, his drive stays dry along a landing strip of grass between a lake and a very solid brick property wall....the other side of said property wall contains multiple muti million dollar dallas texas airdropped mcmansions...airdropped as in PLOPPED next to each other, one after the next.... after the next....and so on and so forth...love the housing stock here...beautiful...yet you can literally reach out and touch thy neighbor...

so built is drives down the landing strip....finds his ball...and proceeds to hit a low stinger rope....ball prob got 6 inches of air....its traveling at a very fast pace...ball hits a rock..ricochets of a rock and does a bee line at a mcmansions back pat...this club has 36 holes...just about every hole is mcmansioned lined...beautiful landscaping....pools...gazebos....the works! builts ball finds the only back patio that is full of people partying....its a thursday afternoon...the ball pinballed its way thru the gazebo, the awnings, the outdoor full kitchen area...THE WORKS!

one lady there...must have been the hostess...looked over to see who couldve done this...well built had driven his cart up to see the damage done and say his appologies... the lady immediately shouted.."dont you know how to yell FORE!?" then i overheard her telling all of her important guests that her house has never...ever...ever been hit before....and saundoggy believes she is most likely telling the truth here...id call bullshit if it werent true...this house was buffered well and no way a ball could get thru the jungle of trees that were clearly keeping her important guests safe and cuddly..

this was like striking the lotto for me....what luck this was....saundoggy laughed so hard for so long...my abs are ripped...this was a work of fuggen art...picaso...rembrandt...bethoven... snake stabler vintage comeback....ART!!!!

poor built...its ok tho...hell survive...weve given him plenty to laugh at too...thats what friends are for...

4th and fuggen 5

last night mnf football game waas the worst game ive ever sat thru...watched the entire game...why you ask??? well...my fantasy team was up by 12 on my opponent..and he had chris johnson going....

the jags d was containing him all game...cj is the best fantasy player..he is the titans running back...first pick in every ones draft this season...he was getting nothing...locked down...no tds...no big runs...

the game was over....the titans were kickin the jags ass...the titans , and chris johnson, had the ball....less than 2 minutes left....and its 4th and 5...what happened next is pretty much a summation of saundoggys life this year....2010..the shittiest year ever...no year will come close to the fecal matter that has accumulated this year in my shit basket...

so...cj gets the ball...on the most meaningless play of the year....(titans were up by 20 plus...game over...take a knee you stupid fuggers)...and takes it to the house..untouched...!

this play has me thinking that the fantasy football fix is on....its not about point spreads because the spread in this game was already broken...there is no other explanation....someone powerful wanted cj to make a huge play....that play alone was worth about 20 fantasy points..

so my fuggass team lost...and i watched this game...just hoping that cj would get hurt...or get shut down...he was fuggen shut down!!! until the most meaningless play in the history of the nfl!!!

mother fugger!!!! kick me in the nuts then cut my head off and shit down my neck!!!! then put my head back on and feed me catfish heads!

im pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw..im no longer the biker foxes....i changed my team name to BLANDA....in memory of the once great oakland raider who died 2 weeks ago....my team let BLANDA down because of the most meaningless play in nfl history....so i changed my team name to "RENT TOO DAMN HIGH!" you tube it...this crazy bastard is running for ny governor..thats the name of his party...

sporting clays...jack daniels..steak....cuban

all yesterday....friends invited wifey and i out to a shooting club....dudes and gals split up....dudes shot sporting clays...i was fuggen giddy....never did this before....heard about it...but unsophisticated dorks like me dont do these things...

we each got 100 shells....`12 gauge...sweet shotgun...one of them there over and under guns...10 stations....clay pigeons flying everywhere... at you...away from you...crossing...rolling on ground (rabbit...that was my favorite...cuz you shoot the crap out of the ground and the clay just blows the fugg up right in front of you)..

im not a very good shot...my score was 54/100...dudes i was with...wow...i was nervous and well ...needed to be...these dudes are hard core..im a bubble boy that feels most comfy in my house or on a golf course...i do enjoy the outdoors tho....only if i know that a nice large comfy bed is awaiting me...and plumbing....and tv..big clear hd tv...

after shooting...hit the bar...no makers so i settled for jack...jack bites my ass....after steak dinner...we went out to the pats and smoked cuban ceeegars...i was at a crossroads with that decision....last time i combined jack and cubans.(18 years ago)...i turned green and wow....was really really really sick....so... do i join the fellas and smoke...or do i pass and take the chance of being a GIRLYMAN yet once again????

i smoked...and i feel like shit...didnt finish the gar tho....i couldnt...but no one knew....i smoked enough of it tho...enough not to feel guilty that i wasted a beautiful piece of illegal contraband..

man i fell like shit...still..cant get that taste out of me mouth....its horrible...ive been dousing with scope and that shit dont work vs my dung mouth...

i do enjoy guns though....shooting them is a rush...ive gotta get me some! got tons of airsoft guns...kids...time to step up!

screw the nfl...the raiders....the world!

im so fuggen tired of weekends....i know that by every sunday night, the oakland raiders will be losers once again....ill know this by sunday night because they suck too much ass to play on sunday night football...they might get a game on monday night football....but i believe every team gets a game on mnf...

im so tired of them....i want to burn all my shit again! i knew theyd "nancy" against the niners....fugg, the niners are winless and who better to cure their ailments than the once mighty oakland fuggers!? the raiders should be winless....they hav 2 wins, and bot of those were joke wins....undeserving gifts....the raiders suck in all facets....their owner, coaches, players, fans, the city of oakland...the only cool thing about them is their uniforms....shield.....and colors....other than that, base camp for all that means LOSER!!!!!

yes, the raiders were once mighty...back when i wore clothes that would turn into an inferno if a mere spark would land on my shoulder...they were once mighty when i was a zipper headed dorkfuck...they were once mighty before the nfl changed the rules and basically outlawed everything the raiders once did well....CHEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bring back the 1970s and bring it back now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know i know... i was late zipper head removal guy...i was in denial.... but i liked that look... i might just go back to it...so fuggoff!

im so sick of sunday nights....its by far the worst day on the fall calendar....someone please put me out of my misery....someone please ban me from fandom of these fuggen losers! gawd they suck smelly azz...i need an intervention...and soon!!!!!!!!!!!! help!

hallo "who the fugg cares" ween

countless, temporary halloween stores are everywhere....i dont get it...i dont get halloween....well ...allow me to restate...i dont get halloween for ADULTS...

i dont get the fun of it....i dont get dressing up....i dont get theme type parties...just give me makers mark and allow me to hold up the fuggen wall....now thats a party!

these stores kick ass...these stores pop up and sell the shit out of shit! grown ups plan, take time, money, and exhaust painstaking efforts to prep for fuggen oct 31st....i dont get it...its bizarro to me...now if wifey wants to dress up as a cheerleader, porn star or french maid....then im all in!~

i get the kids....hell when i was a wee lad, i put a patch over me eye...eye eye matey!....every fuggen year...went as a pirate...and collected the hell out of candy....simple...just fill up your pillow case (cuz thats what we used...fuggen pillow cases...not plastic jackoff lanterns made in china)..hit house after house after house....get another pillow case...rinse repeat..and fuggen a....when we went out, parents were persona non grata....beat it! now parents flippin drive their kids around..ive seen some go in limos here in my bubble...thats fuggen insane...how can bullies knock kids down and take their candy if DAD is around...? unfair!

i drove markets today and saw a half dozen of these pop up stores....like fireworks stands in june....and these stores were busy....i went in and saw nothing but shit...no wonder china is kickin ass....they make all this shit...and we buy it...this store was packed with adults...in the middle of the day....on october 14 ! cfb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wifey and i are going to a ween party....and i will not dress up....refuse to...ok... ill go as a washed up drunk jock, with white sparse hair, bad back, and a sour attitude...

MAGS

over the years.. SD... has been gifting me magazine subscriptions...here is what i receive:

weekly:

golf weekly

golf world

people

monthly:

smart money

playboy

golf

golf digest

mens health

i enjoy all of these mags (except one...which i dont read)...read them all cover to cover

1 mag is very special to me...PLAYBOY....i love it...playboy is the best magazine ever published....the articles are the best part..2nd best are the cartoon/jokes

1 mag is possibly the worst mag ever published..people magazine is a waste of paper/man power/time/money/natural resources/postage/ distribution/anything and every fuggen thing that is needed for magazine creation...SDs gag gift to me....and the fuggen guy keeps on renewing it...made the mistake of telling him that the subscription finaly ran out....why the fark did i tell him that???!!!

mens health kicks ass....its a total dude mag...

the golf mags...all of them are greatness...im a huge swing tinkerer and love the tips these mags offer...problem is...i get sensory overload and while many of these tips work, they work for a very short period of time..maybe two hits....then i start thinking about another tip...and soon its SHANKAPOTOMUS time....love looking at all the gear/clubs...wifey hates it cuz im a huge supporter of the newest and best shit...

going back to my fav....PLAYBOY...its there for me every am....in me downstairs restroom....nothing like droppin a deuce while reading about how monday night football began...just this am i learned how howard cosell was a total drunk and once blew chow all over dandy don Merediths cowboy boots...love the gadget section too...and the jokes...and playboy forum...ahhhh playboy forum....where the greatest questions are answered with such expertise and with such visually delicate prose....i would really enjoy meeting some of these people that write to the forum....they must be fascinating...im wonderin if their lives change from the advice they receive from playboy...i wonder....the advice given never helps saundoggy...dudes need to develop their own "moves"... once again this brings me to one of the best seinfeld eps ever...the FUSILLY JERRY ep...(the knuckle...puddy stealing jerrys move...assman...greatness!)...its like the golf mag advice..it really never works long term...i digress...

my grandpa was a big playboy supporter....he was a playboy club member ...back in the day... he spent most of his fortune trying to be like hef...he gave me a bunch of copy back in the day....he gave me a huge hardcover book full of playboy cartoons...gave me his playboy club membership card....i was probably 14 15 or so....grandpa blue was totally cool...i will get into him on a future blog...

SD... your playboy gift comes every month....and i chuckle every time i get it out of the mailbox...giddy!