ru fuggen serious...??!!!

syd starts soccer today...only been on her to go outside and kick the ball a little...she didnt...she hasnt touched a soccer ball since last spring....no passion....and i dont care really...

here is what i care about...

this am she fuggen blamed me because she couldnt find her shin guards and her socks....fuggen rehtard! a 16 year old dame blaming me for shit i have nothing to do with....i stared at her in disbelief...what does everyone say now...."REALLY....REALLY" ala SNL....

actually, syds on her way to wifeydom...she is ahead of that fuggen curve....poor bastard that marries this one....he is in for a life of total crap..."why were you laughing during syds wedding ceremony mr saunders?"

kids are tards..."where are my shoes?" like i fuggen know...check under my fuggen bed in my fuggen bedroom...most likely they are indeed there....when i was a kid, i stayed FAR FAR away from me parents bedroom...it smelled like old people...still does...creepy fuggen place....thats where MY dad gets busy with MY mom....and that aint right...so why the fugg do my kids st up thir residency in my fuggen bedroom? maybe i should tell them where i get busy with wifey....even so, that wouldnt scare em off.....nothing scares these kids...they have taken over!

alaska gold rush

greatest show ever on cable...on discovery channel....its titty.....these fellas are down on their luck and they put up 250k and mine a claim in the alaskan wilderness....

i would love to do this with me mates...it would be an absolute blast...the mining season is about 6 months long....get some good equipment and a little luck and fuggen strike it rich....

these fellas on the show have shitty equipment...they really didnt do much for the first 4 months....actually it was a huge fail....they took out about 20 k worth of gold...because they had shitty quip.....solid quip is key...like my golf bag...full of the the best quip money can buy....i have all the tools i need....im awesome...

the best part about mining is the term ...."honey hole" i love the honey hole....who doesnt!?

fuggen yukon cornelious i want to be!

lets do it fellas...ask your brides for a hall pass....for 6 to 8 months....our camp would be all werld...the fights....the boozing....the mishaps...the accidents...the legal bills....the bail money...the honey hole!

and the oscar goes to.....

shawshank redemption!

this movie should win the award every fuggen year! hollywood blows ass...nothing good has come from these stupid bastards since the movie "the incredibles."

there is zero...and i mean zero creativity anymore....lets make a movie and blow shit up...or lets make a movie from a 1970s sitcom or copshow.

shawshank has it all....it is greatness! the story...the acting....the everything fuggen rules....that movie shows up on my channel scan and im hooked....i have to watch it no matter the fugg what...."dad, im severely burned and need to go to the emergency room!"...."shut the eff up, andy is about to tell red about the volcanic stone under the huge oak tree in the meadow where he asked his wife to marry him...after they shagged!"

oscars can eat shit....movie stars suck....they all think they are experts on shit...i dont fugging care about sean penn...hes an asshole and he needs to stfu! just act and shut up...you hang out with the Venezuelan commie.....eat shit bro

big fan of daniel day lewis movies too....that fugger can act...

enjoy mob movies too....godfather 1 and 2...goodfellas....casino...the town...

i like the bourne movies...

i like dark movies....

dig the fugg out of star wars....im a total geek...but the prequels licked bag...stupid lucas high jacked these movies and introduced the worst actor of all time to our planet!!!!....jarjar binks....cut my nuts off! empire strikes back rules...vadar was a fuggen bad ass...darth fuggen vader!!!!! yes!!!!!

speechless

well fat mike gets back to work manana so this am was my last car wash day. i learned a whole bunch about our future today....and well folks....its grim....very grim....almost apocalyptic...

this lady...mom...with her 2 kids...was using our vac with all 4 doors open and music..if you call it that....blasting away....the fuggen bass was earth shattering...the lyrics were so unreal....the wash was empty...its fuggen cold and rainy (days like this just make me so happy....fuggenot~!!!!) and this ladies gig was a solo act...so i focused...focus is difficult for me...

lyrics: something like this::::" fuggen ho crack beotch, bend over and take my (blank) ...smoke that crack you fuggen ho!!" i figured i heard some sirens and a bunch of bass as the music element of this diddy....also the record scratch sound.....eeeee errrrrrrr eeeeee errrrrr...whatever.

what struck me as absolutely ludicrous was the fact that this gal is singing away....dancing away....vacuuming away...while her 5 to 6 year old kids were in the car....i was thinking to myself....maybe these kids are deaf and cant hear this shit? that would be a cool thing...if these kids are learning this, and they are.....we are in big trubs!

10 years from now, this kid will be 16...wonderin how he will ask a girl to the homecoming dance? "yo crack beotch! grab my (blank) and dance on yo knees!" and you think im angry and bitter...

kumbuyfuck

i promise that one day ill be better....but i dont see that coming anytime soon...

id read somewhere (i dont remember because i dont read...well...i read playboy and every gofgofgof! mag available...mens health too...thats a cool mag...tells you shit...how to make your lady happy...shit never works tho....i digress) that there are several stages one goes thru during a traumatic event or crisis...

denial...wig out...anger...face the music...conquer....er sumptin like that...

i guess everyone feels better when they have a schedule to follow...or better yet...told that there is a sked to follow and everything will work out ok....

my schedule is wake up..get coffee for wifey...off to work...bend over and have some big ole prison type monster have his way with you...watch shows..sleep....rinse and repeat...

im stuck in stage fuggen 3....actually i frolick freely from stage 2 wiggy to stage 3 anger ....i ride that fence and my nuts hurt from the constant teetering....me sack is on fire! wig out...get pissed wig out pissed wig out pissed.....pissssssssssed pissssssssssed....wiggy...price is right horns a blarin!

there is no such thing as karma...i looked into Buddhism and the yin yang shit...not for me....im convinced that 98% of humanity is fuggen horrible...following the rules has become boring....im going rogue...you betcha!

today

will be the worst day of my entire pathetic existence...it just will be...bout to puke its so bad...life changer...

bank it!

i did find that someone left me a nice brand new pair of size 10 HUGO VITELLIS at one of my car washes yesterday....sweet!

fuggen fat mike is in fla leaving me with all 3 washes to clean....yippee....its fuggen freezing out...

later

maz fuggen matics!

everything and i mean everything is a mathmatical equation...name it and there is an equation for it...a question you have say eh?....i have a mathmatical equation for you to help you answer...

my formulas all have the CONSTANT (c) which equals wifeys feelings on the matter

examples:

Q: ok dawg...i need to know whether of not i should buy a new set of mizuno mp irons?

answer: whats your handicap? x number of rounds played per year/(c) + cost of your other set of mizunos C bought for you last year and you want to hang onto because they are mizunos and they rule but i really want that new set!

Q: should i invest in this stock?

answer: (how much cash do u have to invest x number of years left in your life) x cost of a divorce/(c)

Q: swimming pool?

answer: 3 x (c)/ the most expensive bid + (c) x 10

Q: where do we go on vaca?

answer: hawaii/10 x lake of the ozarks/(c)

Q: its my fault right?

answer: (oh shit x fuggen a) x 425,000 x (c)10/years left on your life x attoneys fees + court fees/ govt cheese cost + van down by the river expense x (c)

Q: how ya duin today?

answer: (c)

Q: what should i drink tonite?

answer: ( (makers x shit food one eats when drinking) /lbs gained over winter ) - (if attitude going in is > than "i fuggen hate everything" then.... x (c) /govt cheese costs))

or (if attitude is = to or > than " solid FREE AND EZ?" then x govt cheese costs/(c)

Q: gettin lucky tonite bro?

answer: (C)

Q: what do i do?

answer: (( C) x 10000000000) + ((c ) x 10000000000)

worm turner

i think my worm has turned...went to home depot today...buy some lights for a property...shit, i forgot to get something...fuggen a!...

i pulled in...parked...walked in...asked where i can find tube lighting....fella pointed down the isle that was right there in front of me upon entry...holy shit....ru serious? found me lights...lickity split (wtf does that mean anyway?)...it means in quick order....fast...but where do you get that from lickity split? one licks a split quickly...? i guess if youre not into that kind of foreplay then i guess you want out fast eh? me like it down there.... or does it mean that you devour a banana split quickly...cuz i do....lasts probably 20 seconds....i mean it....i digress...

after picking out me lights...walked back where i came in from looking for a checkout counter....there was a counter all right...the return counter...the checkout counter was to the left ...about 300 yards away....doh!

the nice fella there who showed me where to find me lights saw that i was bummed about the day long trek to the checkout counter and offered to check me out at the return counter...

hell fuggen yes!

in and out in 5 minutes...no money spent on needless shit...

thats a good day....im stoked because i can use some good news and some luck...im easily pleased these days...perhaps im back!

perhaps not....as the rest of my day licked bag...so im fuggen back to the shitcave...thats where this superhero hangs out....to the shitcave!

fuggen werld!

coin hedging

did you know that one nickel is worth about 7 cents in metal...?

read a story where some crazy cat bought 1 million dollars worth of fuggen nickels...

20 nickels in a dollar....so somewhere...some dude has 20,000,000 nickels stored somewhere...

a hedge vs hyperinflation...

so the % return is 40% ..so his 1 million is worth 1,400,000

smart eh? well several thing have to happen....first...hyper inflation....and second the hyper inflation will cause a major price rise in nickel and copper...also, does one have to melt this shit up and separate? im frightened that some kook is even doing this....i hear more and more crazy ass shit going on with people that have lots of money...

many kazillionaires are buying up silver and gold...meanwhile us jackasses are watching our rome collapse before our eyes...hey honey....nascar is on...yeeehaw!

i aint going to load up on nickels....thats my least favorite coin....well the penny sucksass too...

the dime is lame...

the quarter rules...it has girth....it makes a great noise when dropped...and they came in handy in college...quarters was a great game...oh the memories!~

i hear all these gold commercials.....the end is near....who the fugg knows...

gold is cool tho....i like gold...its heavy...it is worth a shitload....i love gold coins...cant say that i like gold grills tho...but is it me or does gold look cheesy?...it reminds me of donald trump....that fugger loves that color....i enjoy the alaska gold rush show on the discover channel....those hoosiers put out 250k for a claim in the alaska wilderness....their equipment looks like something i put together....its so rigged up...shakey....crappy....i hope those bastards find a bunch of fuggen gold....they are good people and they are busting their fat asses! they call their dig the honey hole...hahaha...i really want these fuggers to pull out the mother load from the honey hole!!!!

perhaps i should look into manufacturing a home nickel smelter....hmmm...

kids...exams

its exam week for my kids...kids stress out during exams... at least mine do....i did...you too most likely...everything is a test...tests create stress....eliminate stress by ridding ourselves of tests!

im all for it...

oh well shoot bro, how does my kid get his or her props...awards....greatness?

i dont fuggen know...all i know is that this week ...so far...has sucked ass because my fuggen kids are a wreck...


when you pay the amount of money for missy and junior(s) to go to a great skewl.....that should be enough! you gotta pay to play right? thats what society has told us...stars get preferrential treatment....politicians (slimey assholes)...the rich...

look at OJ...he fuggen lopped off his wifes head and he got to play golf after a year or so of court and jail time...

lindsay fuggface gets to pretty much do whatever the fugg she wants to...

our former potus gets a hummer and stuffs a cigar up his interns hoochie and he gets a library and speaking fees in the millions...


with all the science we have, isnt it possible to hook up your kid to a machine to test their knowlegde of the subject...?

i digress...A BUNCH! sorry...

im tired of the drama...kind of hopin they are just average....average students make the huge bucks!

fuggen a ...ima fat ass again...

gawd fuggen damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....fat again....im back where i started...he we go around again....day after day i get up and i say, we're going to do it again do it again...do it again!~

starvin yoself aint the solution either...

got to change your lifestyle...but fugg man....i aint doin it...

got tired of it obviously...

fuggen ripped my ass out of my black silks the other day....uh oh...fatass siren went off....weeeeeuuuu weeeeeeuuuuu weeeeeeuuuu~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel the fat hang on the handles....i feel the saggy man tits...i feel the bubble ass "abubblin"...my face is still skinny tho...which is weird...

i cant stop eating fire hot cheetoes..chip n dip...and fuggen chocolate...

ima fat girl... i should chop off my johnson and just be one fcs~! my cankles, fat ass, and saggy boobs blend in with the atmosphere here in booneville... feel like eating a fuggen funnel cake~! yeeee fuggen ha! im goin large!

saundoggs "CIRCLE OF FUGG!"

sure...sing it like the disney song...the movie where the animated lion cub is so cute...grows into a man....and after much heartache and pain....gets his opp to run the pride....

well my story is different....

my best deal ever was selling a huge...vacant ....outlet mall....i controlled both sides of this deal...and made a great check....was supposed to be way more...but the fuggen closing is "nick" heaven.....you go in thinking youre going to score...you come out nicked up lucky to receive 50% of what you thought or should have received....money is on the table....big money....and well...there are lawyers present...and buyers that feel that there is some last second wiggle...

usually there is....the wiggle is in the fluff....the commission is a big part of that fluff....so its gets nicked! fuggen nick!!

this same cat (my seller) that made a load from this sale...ended up being one of my precious pardsos...he left me with a stink pile.... im in the circle of fugg! unfortunately for me....his 80% of this deal he brought me in on is worth nada....my 20% is worth something...being a rule follower...im in the circle of fugg! he spent his load on other things i guess...fuggen greedy guy

the buyers of this mall ended up federally indicted for fraud...they sold 100s of thousands of those auto warranty's that never amounted to a hill of beans for the buyer....it did create a huge hill of cash for these two fellas selling this shit tho....one dude built himself a 35,000 SF abode....the other cat a lessor 15,000 SF shack....they had homes in the caymans...jack the hole wyoming...these homes werent homes...they were a hoosiers paradise...equipped with all the toys.....hoosiers with money.....scary scary shit...laughable shit too...hoosiers spend their money better than any demographic....its fascinating...these cats also had a stockpile of::::....bentleys....go carts....sports cars....they fuggen had a racing boat built that was a perfect replica of the fuggen BAT BOAT!

ok...those bozos have been caught...my partner is in big trubs...

im actually pretty ok compared to those mutters!

guess i chose the wrong people to transact bidness with....always been good at reading people too...guess i got a little greedy and wanted to make a quick score...

the circle of fugg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the BLANKET!

played some roulette last night...im not a gambler...i dont like casinos...(hate a better word for it) ..they are loud and smell like shit....the people there are usually fat, ugly and crippled..., but do find it somewhat fun from time to time...roulette is my kind of game...no thinking necessary....just pick some numbers and the let the wheel spin...

i have my numbers that i played....born on 12/3/65 ..so i put a dollar on 1,2,3,6,5

syds bday is the 16th

bubs...20th

wifey 29

anniversary....23

i dont bet all those numbers every spin....

then i figured, why not cover the un bet numbers.....there were usually 3 to 5 numbers not covered...so i BLANKETED them with a buck...

well....i won and did quite well thank you.... won about 250 bucks...

funny too...because i knew my numbers...and i always felt i was in every spin because of my random cover bets....

started callin meself the BLANKET! it caught on and well...i might just do the same while in vegas in may...

greed...rule followers

greed is a human action that can be turned on and off...everyone is capable of being greedy....some choose not to be....some choose otherwise...

the rule followers are smallest group of mankind...the rule followers represent all that can be good in our society...unfortunately for the rule followers, they are the targets of the greedy...the rule followers get to pay for the GREEDS..the GREEDS fugg it up, the RULIES fix it...the greeds take the money away, the rulies work hard to replace the money....the greeds corner markets, use insider info, and hedge using their evil tricks, while the rulies see their hard earned money disappear like a fart in the wind...

im a fairly self centered guy..ok, im quite self centered...but i will not screw someone out of their deservings...i refuse to sell someone something that i dont have my own skin on the line...

nowadays...peeps can fuggen go BK and still drive their Porsche's and live in ladue...while their rule following pardsy pays the fiddler...

im fortunate enough to be able to pay the fiddler....for that im thankful...got that way because i dont drive a porsche and i dont live in ladue...

clint said it best...in dirty harry...."a mans got to know his limitations" ....top 5 greatest quotes in movie history! dont fuggen doubt me on that one...words that i live by...thats why i puss out and lay up when there is any par 5 doubt...

im a good friend to have...i will not be your partner though...im going pardsyless for the rest of my life...maybe...doh!

health...fitness...bullshit

i go to the MAC daily....im on a "health Kick" right....so i work out....i play squash...i stretch before ...after.....ice me back...lift weights.....treadmill....bike...eliptical...stretch....ice...steam....shower....cake on the CLUBMAN (love c man.)...love the smell....wifey hates it...just hates it!...shit makes u feel like a man...i spray 9 times under each arm...9 times with the hair tonic on the dome....powder me privates....and im good to go!

problem is...when walking out...i feel like a god damn old fuggen cripple....i feel 20 times worse than when i did walking in....why? isnt this sposed to be good fer us...? i beg to differ....

for as long as i can remember....the average living age for a human male is somewhere between 72 and 74...i dont think this number has changed much since the invention of the running shoe....aerobics...water aerobics...kick boxing...p90x...and whatever fitness fads that were the flavor of the day...back in the day...

so no matter what we do, we all die right...? i feel like shit right now...played squash sat...sun....wed...lesson today...monday i rode bike....toozday i lifted and did some core exercises...i love playing games....addiction! i cant live without competing...u try it...its impossible to be happy!

i feel like shit....

at 230, i lie down for my last and final attempt at an epidural back injection pain blocker....if this one fails...i either live with this agony...or i go for the game ender....the winnah...go for broke and get my lower locked in permanently! feast er famine....cure or cripple...im leaning towards living with it....thats what real men do....last i checked, i had me twig n berries still....

fuggen werld we live in ...aint she fun..?

rains..pours...sucks

what are the chances of 2 jewelers wanting to locate in the same shopping center? let me give you a hint.....word rhymes with "fuggen shimpossible!"

over the last 4 years, there has been a drought of tenants looking for space...worldwide...

so no i have 2 very nice tenants....great cred...wanting space at the same shopping center at the same exact time....

they both want exclusives....

chop my nuts off cuz im going eunuch!

well well..i see you go to dartmouth

or your kid goes there....or you have an honor student at mason ridge elementary...

well i can tell you that I DONT! AND WONT! if i did, i certainly wouldnt tell anyone...with a fuggen bumper sticker!

i know this has been a worn out topic of rant...but jf CFB! (jesus fuggen christ on a fuggen bike)...thats right. ...i used "jesus" twice (actually jesus once and christ once...but the same dude) and "fuggen" twice...thats how sad it has become...

i love the stick family bumpers showing mom dad and the children....oh joy...all holding hands as tho they just frolicked on the daisy filled hillside...wearing clothing made from flowered curtains!

i love the shout out/my kid is a stud athlete bumper..."MICHAEL #12 QB CHESTERFIELD FOOTBALL COLTS" i sit at the traffic light amazed that your young mike is a fuggen blue chipper and pro bound at the ripe ole age of 10!!!...

the ole.."my child is an honor student at elk grove elementary" bumper cracks me up...i knew a bunch of these kids back in the day....many ended up smokin weed on the junior high bus....all of that hard work back in grades 1 thru 5 really paid off...

the snide..."id rather be driving a titleist"...ok youre a d bag..simple..who cares...youd rather be golfing....ok...who wouldnt!

"my other car is a porshe"....dbag city

political bumpers:::: keep it to yourself "im pro life and i vote" " im NRA and i vote"

religious bumpers....same...keep it to your fuggen self...."coexist" "jesus saves" or just the plain "jesus" wtf is that?

the oval shaped destination bumpers...you see these everywhere...HHI (hilton head island) NB (newport beach) LB (laguna beach) ..im impressed!... the worst are the euro stickers...ok..youre so rich that you ship your car to europe while you drive to your vaca home in southern france...fugg u!

the pet bumper....I heart dachsunds....or the oval shaped bumper with a profile of your dogs breed...akitas...pugs....shepherds....just kick me in the balls will you...? now!

the hoosier ones crack me up the most...they are funny as hell...they are brilliant and clever....

ive posted my favorite hoosier bumper before and ive seen nothing that beats this one..." if it has tits or tires, its gunna give you trouble" that is the best of the best...in my humble opinion...its so damn perfect...all trouble and problems are born from females....and machines...simple...

i understand the school bumpers...the HS...the college...to an extent...i had an SMU bumper and a sigma chi bumper...i was proud...i had them while i was there! back in the day....not now tho...no alumni sticker...what does that say? what does that mean? just not my bag...

fuggen football is over!!!

monday...the day after...many know this as the "dark days ahead"... actually i just made that shit up.....a time of void....major gapdum...a vast canyon filled with nothingness....CFB THE NFL SEASON IS OVER!!!!!!!

depression has set in already....fuggen mopey dick all am and pm today....no more nothing!

once again, my once great oakland raiders failed to win the superbowl this season....ill have to wait until next season.... the superbowl is in indy next year....i can get there in 4 hours....and will enjoy watching my once great oakland raiders beat the packers in superbowl 46! bank it!

so...what does one do for fun now? mess around with wifey?....uhhhhhh...shot down ad nauseum...etc etc etc...ad nauseum...!....go to the range and hit balls?...uhhhhhh there is 5 inches of fuggen snow on the ground! watch hoops? uhhhh fugg that...hoops isnt good until the ncaa tourney! ( i refuse to call it "march madness"...i loathe that name....march madness...so contrived....so fake...stupid...BEAT IT!)

these are the days of nothingness...its cold...dreary....cold...dark...dismal...

guess i could get into my sons hoops games....they are awesomely shitty at it...(they do play tough d tho...admirable)..and their team gets steamed every fuggen game.....i dont recall a "win" for as long as i can remember...gawd they suck....its not as tho they suck entirely....they just suck kinda sorta....

syd goes to connecticut for the national HS squash championship this thursday.....the parents and coach wanted me to go as a chaperon....NFW im doin that shit! i dont want to be within a 5 mile radius of any of her games/competitions/everything... see that way im not to BLAME for her failures...im smart...i eliminate that excuse from her cache...plus she'd treat me like shit in front of her friends...kids do that i guess...cant stand the fakeness...girls...girls ...girls...

good luck syd...seein as though youve had all the opps in the world to be a really great squasher....prob too late now...cant wait to hear her in 10.."i never had the chance to be good at anything! why didnt you push me more...? wahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

these "dark days ahead" will end soon enough....maybe...perhaps march...the ground will be visible and i can put a peg in the ground....fore!

XXX...best week of my life!

fitting that sb XXX was the TIME OF MY LIFE! XXX (hot sexy...titty!)...thats 30...i was 30...it was 15 fuggen years ago....i maxed out! nothing beats it...why? here's my list..

1. XXX was in ptown....phoenix...cowboys v steelers ( stillers) ...hate both of those teams...but it didnt matter..ptown kicks ass....weather is awesome...golf golf golf! ptown golf rules and we played a bunch o golf!

2. the phoenix open was taking place at the same time the town was hosting the superbowl...

ok thats why...

right...thats why it was the best week of my life right?

let me dive in a little more..

due to family connections...lets face it ...i married right period...i admit it...

the family connections allowed me to fuggen have the best time of my 45 years on this planet...

wifey and i had vip passes to the commissioners party....the party of all parties....this was where thousands and thousands of revelers and nfl players (current and past) gathered for food and frolick....i was a kid in the candy store...not only that...we were the TITS that night...we got to eat in the VIP area....tables set up for each team....sat right in between the cowboy table and the stiller table....met the coaches of both teams...cool eh...just fuggen awesome! also got to meet freddie b and jimmy plunkett ..timmy brown...(raider greats).....warren moon...lynn swann...the list goes on and on! food was so great...booze flowin....heaven! we were in the section where everyone else was looking in to....ha...beat it peasants...

next night wifey and i go to the owners party....this was a very mellow gathering of the nfl owners, family, and select friends....very small gathering at a very nice hotel ....food...booze...first class....we were the second party to arrive....the first one there was MR AL FUGGEN DAVIS....owner of my beloved OAKLAND RAIDER FOOTBALL TEAM.... the man...the crazy mutha fugger...im stoked....i go directly to al and introduce myself...he gave me about 15 minutes...cool eh...? al was wearing a white track suit...at a fuggen party...his glasses were on a thick gold chain...couldnt believe it...

so what did we talk about...

ME: "uh mr davis, im a big fan" i go into some detail how ive been a raider fan forever and i love the s and b...i go into how we got screwed in kansas city ( wifey and i were there) that season...

MR DAVIS: "uh yes ..that was a tough one.....say, next time we are in kc, let me know...and ill arrange it so you and the misses can come up to my box and look around for a bit...then you'll have to go back to your seats..."

uh wtf!!!??? this guy is rude..but i just went with it...he is al davis...

wifey is pregnant with our twin boys at this time....and i wanted to name one of the boys "RAIDER" ...so wifey tells AL this...

AL: "uhhh if you name one of your kids there "raider" i will see to it that he is outfitted with rayduh (al is from Brooklyn ny) gear his entire life...here is my personal assistants card...send here the birth cert and its a done deal.." i pussed out...wifey said i could name the boy raider and i choked...so no gear....fuggen idiot...im so weak

ok cool....AL just erased the letdown i just had with his snobby.."come up to my box and have a look" bullshit...im happy...

so it kind of ended there as AL began mumbling (i think he said "commitment to excellence...and just win baby...over and over again...or perhaps i was drunk) and i could tell he was tiring of my fatass...so we went to the bar...and had a great evening meeting all the other owners and family etal...

the next day: Phoenix open...we had the greatest set up there...a private tent on 18 green....right there....we got there early and the bloody Marys were going down like water....we got so fuggen wasted...the girls attending this golf tourney were so fuggen hot....it was absolutely amazing....my head was on swivel...wifey wasnt happy....i think i told her to start checkin out the hot golfers, when stadler was coming up the hill to 18 green....fat fuggen walrus!

the game: superbowl XXX (hahahaha) was an awesome game....of course we had vip ticks to the tailgate party...gap band.....you drop a bomb on me baby! i was in heaven...i love those fellas...HS favorite....we ate..drank...we were all lubed up ready for the game..cool and the gang there too....and i think midnight star....NO PARKING BABY>>>no parking on DANCE FLO!

our seats were fuggen kickass....we were right on the FIVE OH! i studied it for about 20 minutes....lining up my eye like i was sighting a rifle....yup 50 fuggen yardline! not only that...we were front row loge....no one to stand up in front of you....these were the best seats i have ever sat in period! who was sitting next to me....MEAN FUGGEN JOE GREENE....stiller great...had him sign my ticket stub...

the game was kickass...cowboys won a tight one....looked to be going to OT when the steeler qb threw it right to larry someone..(this larry fella was signed to the raiders the next season and was a total flop...thanks AL) and he ran it in for the closer....

game over...we proceeded to our car...oh yeah...VIP parking...we were out of there in minutes...

nothing ..and i mean nothing will even come close to that week.....movie star like treatment...

many would enjoy this type of treatment every week/day/year...i probably would pass on that...it was so fuggen outstanding that if it were to occur all the time...youd get sick of it...i would...and the memory of that week wouldnt be a memory at all....

BUILT RULZ!!!!

supe supe supe super bow!

i hate the steelers....just hate em....i hate their colors...their unis...their everything....well except for 2 things...

1. i like pittsburgh....like pittsburghers...i lived there for one year and the city is very nice...the out skirting burbs are cool...rolling hills...great golf courses...always damp tho...the peeps in the burgh are good peeps...they are hard core working types...blue collar...and they love their sports...and they adore their steelers....or " stillers" as they pronounce...western Pennsylvania types talk funny tho...they say shit like..."you'ins going to the movie tonite" You'ins....what the fugg is that....i understand "you'all"...."you guys"...but YOU INS???? thats rehtarded! and they sound fuggen retarded too...

2. Rooney's ..the fam that owns the steelers seem pretty cool...they are a stable group and manage their team that way....the stillers have had 3 coaches in their history....thats pretty cool!

and thats it for the stillers....i hate them! they stole many games from my raiders...the ball clearly bounced off the ground before franco harris grabbed it off a pass to frenchy fuqua (wtf kind of name is that?) ...clearly!!!!!!!!!!!!! the play is famous...the immaculate reception...i fuggen call it the immfuggulate deception....huge game..playoff game...stillers went on to win the bowl...if the raider #31 just wraps fuqua up instead of going for the big hit....game over....fuggen guy...! tatum.....the assassin....went for the decleater....thanks bro...

back in the day, the steelers were cheap shot artist (still are)...but got away with it because the rooneys .... its so clear to me that they get a pass from the refs every single time they hit the field..

their qb is a turd...

espn loves the steelers...

i fuggen hate espn...

go pack! i want the pack in this one...i like the cheeseheads...i like the fact that the team is owned by the people of green bay....wtf is green bay...? who lives there??? why would you fuggen want to live in green bay Wisconsin....? anyway....go pack...

saundoggy says!!!!!!!!!!

24-21 pack....

emp

wifey thinks that she is the emp....electro magnetic pulse....and i believe she is right...only when it comes to electronics tho...buy her a phone....breaks....laptop....doesnt work right EVER!...and so it goes from gadget to technolical gadget....there is a correlation there....nooooo fuggen doooot aboooooot it....as my canadian friend would say...she is the emp..

now me....im the fuggen EMP in business....i buy shit at the wrong time....sell shit at the wrong time....invest in x when it should be y....i "advise" wifey to sell her apple stock when it was 80 bucks a pop..now the fuggen thing is 380 sumptin.....nice...glad she didnt listen...

same goes for her google stock.....eeeeee awwwwwww....im a jackass! i think i told her to sell that when it was 150....its now 600 ish.....eeeeeee fuggggggen awwwwww.....jackass!

lately ive got us into some doozies....game changer deals....and when i say game changer....i mean being on the losing side of a 45 to nuttin football game....thats one of those games where you got the holy shit knocked out of you and there is nothing else to do except laugh about it....you dont even watch game film....you got your ass handed to you and you are out of the playoffs...i know we arent alone....but it feels as though we are...doesnt make it feel better....very bitter me is....

what is there to do? you regroup for the next season ....draft some new talent....and you fuggen get back on the field of play and fuggen play on!

media...big events

it cracks me up when there is a "crisis..." every fuggen thing is a crisis! crisis here....crisis there..here a crisis, there a crisis...everywhere a crisis crisis!

presently we are getting pounded by mutha nature....its winter here in the lou and a huge snow storm is coming.....cool...so you hunker down and you eat shitty food...not shitty like sick....but shitty like chocolate...cookies...chips....the shittier the weather , the shittier the food you eat...

now if the power goes out, i might change my tone....but only somewhat....we have gas fireplaces...so we breakout the board games and pretend to be a family for a bit....until i catch a bubba cheating at monopoly....then i get pissed and go for their mortgages!

im listening to radio and peeps are calling in....here is what im hearing.....over and over again::::

"im here in washington mo and bye golly the snow is coming down sideways here"

"im on hwy 70 and its bad out here"

"im outside my house here in north county and its cold , snowing, and icing out here"

over and over and over and over...

holy shit shut the fugg up you silly stupid people~

this crisis is nothing but a winter event....its winter...just because its the perfect storm scenario and the governor has called it a state of emergency and in doing so, procured the mo national guard.....its no crisis! i still have my laptop...cable....fire....food...water...radio...family...wtf