Monday, January 31, 2011

hey...they are right....finally!




so...now that nexrad radar (channel 2 i think)...fourwarn radar (channel 4) .....first alert weather(ch 5).... have it right with regards to the weather....WOW ARE THEY COCKY! they are wrong all fuggen forever and now they peg SNOWMAGGEDON correctly....




all im hearing is ice this...snow that...inches here....feet here...enough!




radio announcing record crowds at grocery....u know...because people here dont have enough to survive a 2..max 3 days shut down....cfb...we can survive here through nuclear war...we have so much shit packed in our 3 refrigerators....3 freezers...




milk...eggs...bread...and electric generators.....all sold out...amazes me every fuggen time....never fails...




problem with this storm...ICE....and the fact that we will lose power here at my pad....always happens...never fails...there could be a slight zephyr and our power is fragile at best...




so what does one do without power..? well...around my house...we fuggen become the Donner party....anything goes...its dog eat dog....without power there is no tv....no tv and saundoggy's family is a worthless unit of flesh and bones....




we will lose power...noooo doooot aboooot it...not only do we get 1 inch of ice....we also get 6 to 10 inches of snow....then to cap it off...wednesday we are blown 20 to 30 mph in windage...that will snap em off....snap crackle pop....so much fun!
oh goody...we are in a blizzard warning now...boooooooooring




Friday, January 28, 2011

nice guy.. rule follower


always been told im one...nice guy that is...thats me...


probably wouldnt know it....if you didnt really know me...if you happen to be one of the 20 to 40 people that read me and dont really know me, youd think im full of shit...self centered...paddling meself to self centered isle....im crass...mean...hateful...dark


but im one of those....im a nice guy....


i know this because i always finish last....i finish at my appropriate spot in my life ...LAST


reservation for LAST party....table for LAST!


i know many like me...and we tell ourselves that we should feel good about being a nice fella...karma will work for us....pay it forward...


well...im fuggen waiting! anyone else waiting....?


i was raised to live by the golden rule...mom says do one to others as you would want done to you...well...lets see...if this rule applies....


im not an advocate for anal raping....seems as tho my orifice is being raped repeatedly since the great recession hit....im a rule follower and have conducted my business in proper fashion and form....meanwhile...me pardsies....pards...pardos have bent me over and made me their beeeeeeotch....how does this golden rule thing work again mom? my once buddies at the bank are scrutinizing everything just for a measly refi...never been late....never!...credit score is sky high....have over 15 llc's and now underwriters want to see full tax returns on every company....thats enough paper to kill a Sequoya...enough bandwidth to clog up a data server farm....its silly...my stupid bankrupt , thief partners all get to go bk...protection from creditors...how the fugg does this work? this bailout thing is the end of..well...everything....



i refuse to be a dickhead...its just not in my nature....but cfb im going to snap one of these days and go gordon gecko on the business world...


im filing for minority status immediately....the nice guy rule follower...once i get status, looooooky owwwwt!



An awesome way to pour a beer | National Football Post

An awesome way to pour a beer National Football Post

wow...this is my first and probably best download...just figured out how to bring these kind of things to my screen...

i want one!!!!

altho, id hook up a barrel of makers instead of beer....

beer is alergic to me...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

saturday


i start my journey towards greatness..i start on the my custom workout program...custom you say? yes...custom...custom saundoggy, back to B flight squash greatness, program...


fugg the back...fugg the pain..im going deep...


why wait til saturday? because thats the day i start..thats why...and i want to end my bad food and drink bender on that date, thats why!


this new lifestyle of mine will entail...cardio...speed/quickness/agility training...weights...squash drills....and open play....no rest...


eat right...no fuggen sweets (im snarfin up everything chocolate now)...light drinking...


goal...win the B's...


bring it!


this might last one week....odds are it lasts 3 days




Wednesday, January 26, 2011

pontiac firebird


parked in my driveway...loaded with 4 boys...16 year olders...were over for a spell yesterday....like dogs in heat....they circle my daughter....in our day, the phone would ring...right? i guess our parents knew who was calling and when.... now its skype, text, facebook, and cell phone....its impossible to track these dogs...


i knew this time would come soon...syds got it going...shes smart, attractive, blond...cant figure out if she acts dumb because shes blond or is just kinda dumb....she makes solid grades with little effort...like everything, she does just enough to get by...its kind of aggravating because that fuggen kid is blessed with talent and brains...she can play every sport well....but not one sport really well....she goes out for golf, because its easy, and makes the varsity with zero prep....i mean zero...shes a natural. if she would focus on golf for one summer, she would be scholarship city!


now the dogs are circling and..." DAD!!! they are just friends!!! I hate you...dont talk to me!"


so i watch and laugh...



i saw that car and laughed my ass off....right away i sang..."MOTORIN!!!! whats your price for flight...in finding mr right.....ill be alrite tonite..."


then i got kinda mad because that song reminds me of boogie nights (great awesome flick)...and then i thought of the characters in that movie....then i told the boys to get the fugg out! these boys are scared of me....i want to keep it that way...




Tuesday, January 25, 2011

squash anyone?







my little angels now have 5 brand new, super cool, best money can buy, squash courts available to them almost any time their little hearts desire...






oh...make that 9 courts...cuz we already have 4 great, awesome, super duper courts at the missouri athletic club (right down the street)...






the 5 new courts are....get this...located at their skewl! i kid you not...my chillens skewl just built probably the best squash complex in the region....in this region of the united states....this complex might even be one of the best in the US period!






now the little brats have an excuse not to shovel the fuggen driveway...."uhhhh dad...i got LIKE squash to play LIKE."






ingrates! this has got to stop...!!!

even my snow angels are dark


snows here in stl....more so this year than in many past...kind of a nice change until you get the snow plow bills from the meth heads that clear the snow (holy shit you should see the damage these fuggs do to my props...they wreck everything) from your vast commercial re portfolio located in and around the surrounding metropolitan area...wtf did i just type....?


we had a nice storm pass over last week and like clockwork...wifeys kids are fuggen lazy ass bastids...every one of em...all 3! wow...the amount of help we get from these little ingrates is about as minuscule as....ok..ill stop on that one...


wifey and i kind of let this one go for a bit...just testing the chillen to see if , when, and who would want to shovel the fuggen driveway...it was getting late...and it was friday night....and the makers was going down....and saundoggy was gettin whiskey mean....so was wifey...


WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGG?!!!!!

she yelled...i knew that was the time to stand up abruptly and run as fast as i could to the garage and start a shovelin..like a mad man....when wifey drops the f bomb, i jump higher than a jordan alley ooooop......kids meanwhile....sat on their azzes and watched tv..


she wasnt yellin at me...but who knew...i just took the prompt and went out and started shoveling...as fast as i could....wifey was out too....shes smart enough to put her ipod on....imagine shoveling with music on...shes smart....im an idiot...im all drunk and falling over the shovel...(these shovels are something else....hell, back in our day...when we kids shoveled the fuggen driveway, the shovels were pieces of shit...nowadays, they are built to last and they handle about 100 lbs of load!!)


one of our little darlings decides to join us....whooopty fuggen deeeeee....we have help...albeit we were almost finished..but what the fugg....at least it was something....i let the poor little bastard have it for not coming out in the beginning tho...dont know if that was the right thing to do but fugget...wifey is mad...im put out...its a friday night cfb! and i wanted to relax..drink..and watch shitty tv fireside....instead im out slogging thru the white shit..all drunk and spitting....people die doin what i did...


point is...gawd damn these kids suck!~ they really do....they dont give two shits about me, wifey, you....anyone..! i thought i was an ingrate...i did the work that was asked of me, but i always whined about it....man im a bitch....nothings changed there....but by cracky, i finished the job and i did it well...i cut the grass, plowed the driveway....(holy shit our driveway back in the day was 10 times the size of the little piece of shit i have now....its nothing!)


point is... again....my kids suck! wifey and i are so pissed still! these little money spending, dirty filthy, no good, dont put their clothes away that we fold, ask to go everywhere, ask to be driven everywhere, too bit, rat bastid, oh "we love you when we get what we want" (lasts about 5 minutes) rat bastid, two bit, worthless, ungrateful, rat bastid kids of mine!


afterwards....i made a snow angel....had wifey take a pic....my angel looks dark....evil....wonderin why...fat too...im a fat fuggen slob angel who says that next week will be the start of my fitness ...then the next week...and so on and so forth...actually...i rocked while making the angel thus making it look fat..thats what im going with....thats my story...kids...who needs em...? the college countdown continues....tick tick tick....come on clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!! faster you tick tock clock fugger!

Monday, January 24, 2011

jan 24 2011


monday..probably the second worst monday of the year....number one being the day after the superbowl 45 sunday...


games yesterday were booooring....and poorly played....slop...crap....and booring...


there is nothing worse than being cold as witches teeet....snow on ground....cold...snow...dismal....monday midwestern winter am...after championship sunday...


hungover...house is a mess...


the sports radio fellas are lighting up the airways on this jay cutler injury....my take on it is simple and prob correct....dude couldnt go...thats it...no way a fella like him folds and quits...the dude gets hammered every sunday due to mike martz and his crazy 7 step drops...martz demands his qbs hold hold hold and fire at the very last moment....makes for big plays and battered qb's...he has always gone back in to take the punishment...hes tough...


the problem with cutler is his "look"...simply put...he looks like a fuggen pussy....he didnt once look interested in helping the bears 3rd stringer...and thats where image is everything....but perhaps hes not a fake type person and doenst act like everyone feels he should act.....self centered....hes out of the game, and well.....deal with it....he couldnt go....simple...win or lose, cutler always sounds like droopy dawg....


many...about 95% of the population will ridicule mr baby cutlets...no way he quit...that just doesnt happen with this kind of player...dudes a competitor...he just looks like a baby...


i think im jay cutler....

Friday, January 21, 2011

nail salons


we have a nails salon in our center...we have a nails salon in every one of our centers..they are everywhere! i dont get it...just bite the fuggers off and spit the fuggers out!


yesterday, one of our salons was transitioning...actually, they were selling their bidness to another chump...nail salons are like chinese restaurants....once a chinese restaurant, always a chinese restaurant...never fails!


most every salon is owned by a Vietnamese named nguyen...(pronounced "win")...every fuggen one of em...i think the word Nguyen means "im going to do your nails and talk about you to my girls cuz you cant understand a fuggen word im sayin....and do this with a smile")


our transition yesterday was a dance like no other...the seller was off to vietnam to tend to a sick family member, so time was critical...the seller was in default and told me not to disclose this to buyer...the buyer told me they were not related..(id asked because they have the same fuggen name...nguyen!!!)...they were related....liars!...the seller owed us money and this money was to come from the money received from the buyer....oh, id forgot to mention that there were 10 people in our office all speaking Vietnamese...many of them smelling like they just went shrimping...cfb!!!


i have never been thru such drama for a 600 sf fuggen nail salon purchase/lease deal in my 20 plus years of re bidness...the drama....the negotiating...the back stabbing...family vs family...


the bill of sale was concocted right then and there...shoe string..seat of your pants type deal....nice preparation!..they got on wifeys computer, dialed up google docs and sent it to our printer.....we had to hurry as the plane to ho chi Min city was about to board...


this is an old trick...probably the oldest...the use of time...the rush..the hurry...we will buckle...or so they thought...


there was a shortage in the money owed to us...not substantial...but a shortage nonetheless..."we pay later"....."rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite"...."no serious, we pay you later..next week"


deals dead then....bye and good luck...


never seen 10 asians go that quiet that suddenly..


"we get money"



end of the day, after plane was supposed to leave, they come back with all the money due...and the duke of the lou feels like the entire bidness world is back in order...


baby im back!!!! im a nguyener (winner) again...when one can hold firm and defeat 10 vietnamese, one can achieve ANYTHING!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

1.5 readers


today i bit the manopause bullet and purchased a pair of reading glasses....1.5's ...whatever the fugg that means....i guess its better than 2.0...2.5...3.0's


even after lasik (what does that word mean), im still blind...that lasik thing was scary shit..they cut your eyeball....thats gross...then they flip over your eyeball skin flap..and shoot like hell at your eyeball with a laser...put the flap back...then you see crystal clear seconds later...



who the fugg in the wide wide world of sports was the first bastard to have this done to him? probably some poor gulag'ed chinese bastard that said something bad about a commie bastard...


i digress


so now im a fuggen old...white haired....bad fuggen back...1.5 reader wearing...golf loving...willie loehman bidness losing... old sob that drinks his whiskey straight on ice and is getting grumpier by the day...


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

fat mikey sick


fuggen a ...fat mikey has been sick yesterday and today.....that means i get to clean 3 car washes...and cfb they were dirty...!!!


mikey is cool and all and does the half ass job youd expect....he short cuts....hes lazy..wifey is pissed that he doesnt clean the toilet regularly...we have a toilet in each wash (equipment room..perfect throne)...bonus!!!!...but hes dependable...i dont mind really....except today...it is cold...rainy and wet and cold....and wet..


my feet are still cold and wet and i was finished hours ago...


today was sketchy....its rainy (did i mention that) and many hood cruisers came in...stopped..some made cell calls...and left...this went on for awhile until two police cruisers decided to use my lot for a conference room....this was good and all...since the cruisers were parked there....no one...and i mean no one came in....hmmm ...lets see...its raining and well....car washes dont do any bidness while its raining...so why all the hoods/thugs/pants on the grounders?


this particular wash has been targeted and hit several times over the last 2 months....funny thing is...the fuggen police station is literally...and i mean literally....ACROSS THE STREET from my property and business...( the wash business is an expensive hobby of mine...long story..ill tell later....)...you should catch a glimpse of this police squad...the one fella that came to file the report after our last theft looked like policeman the hut! his teeth were all rotted out too...meth anyone? he did tell us one thing that all should know...ONCE A THUG HAS TAKEN YOUR STUFF...HE THINKS ITS HIS>>>HE EARNED IT....AND HE WILL DEFEND HIMSELF FROM IT BEING RIGHTFULLY TAKEN BACK...in other words....he has what was yours and hell cap yo ass if you try to get it back... nice eh? thanks fatty for the advice...now move along and go eat a fuggen donut...then smoke some meth while you peek out of your police office watching the thugs mark me...


feb 3 is my conceal carry class....one of these days, thatll come in handy...im packin anyway...in missouri, you can pack without a license as long as you are on your property...


Sunday, January 16, 2011

should be the 11th commandment


never have words been put together so well...it flows...it teaches...eat...drink...breathe... and live these words....thats all youll ever need to survive this werld we live in..
peace outy

guessin that "sweet tits"...


isnt the best thing to call wifey....im wonderin why at the moment...


whats so wrong with that?


i like her body....and im just telling her so....


hello doghouse....


Friday, January 14, 2011

nfl picks
















winners are:
da bears
da pats*
da pack
da ravens
bears will smoke the sea chickens...its cold and crappy in the windy city...i hate watching bears games...they are booooring and their qb is a fuggen brat...he looks like a spoiled punk kid that drove the datsun 280 z in hs...richie rich bastard but he can toss the rock brother!

pats* the * is used by my exclusively whenever i write about the boston patriots*....* equals their raping of my raiders during the infamous snow bowl...tuck rule game...charles woodson comes off the edge hard and strips tom brady of the ball....greg biekert gets the fumble....game over...but nooooo....the nfl had a quick meeting and the powers that be made sure the ruling was an incomplete pass....the pats went on to score and push game into overtime...adam venateri kicked the game winning fg....and the pats* made snow angels in the snow....fugg the werld..i hate everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i lost a friend for months after this game as he was at my joint cheering on the pats*...i still kind of hate him


da pack...should be a boring game cuz its played in a gawd damn fuggen dome...mite as well be watching a stupid convention....indoors blows ass....grow a sack and move the game to the frozen tundra....where men are men and sheep run scared..

da ravens....baltimore is just one big mean sob that hits you in the chin and lines up for more....they are badass...they have a murderer for a middle linebacker and he still plays well for an old fart...suggs is a monster...he looks like a monster...he is an animal....hed be an amazing attraction if he were displayed at the zoo...









Thursday, January 13, 2011

went to doc today


love my doc...hes pretty awesome...


today i found out the following:


i have high BP..thats new

i have a slightly swollen prostate..uhhh

i have a very bad back structure...discs...we knew that but its getting worse

my temp was 97...its fuggen cold here!


BP...whos BP isnt high now? this fuggen recession is kickin me in the nuts


Prostate....ok ok..so i got my first total invasion of privacy today....my ass hurts...i feel violated and rightly so...now my back hurts and my ass hurts...i tried hard to talk doc out of this procedure but heck, i was there so it was convenient for him i guess...my ass hurts...im violated and my ass hurts


BACK: my back hurts 24/7...i have tried just about everything sans back fusion....which im tempted...but that might keep me golf game from being as crazy long as it is currently..im booming the ball...my back hurts only before and after activity....while active, pain goes away...so i guess the best cure for me would be running forever...no stopping...just run forest run...i have 3 discs that really dont even exist anymore....cysts...arthritis..herniations...fissures in my discs...wtf is all this shit? and why do i have all these fuggen problems? its sickening! he shot me up with cortizone and i live to fight another day er two...


97 temp....its winter and its cold..so im cold...im never cold but for some strange reason, im getting colder and colder...MANOPAUSE im told....bullshit...im just getting old...soon ill be one of those old fuggs that wears the khaki jacket 24/7



MY ASS HURTS! ive been raped!


Monday, January 10, 2011

pardsy...pards...pardso...


i hate these words...


i get a call from a banker (hate banks, bankers, anything banky) and all of the sudden im in a 4 man golf scramble....for some dumb stupid charity that probably embezzles all the money anyway...you arrive not knowing whos in your group...


some douschbag sees you coming to his cart...stands up...extends his hand out to you and yells..."hey there pardsy!...we are pards!"


shut up you dork...!


every shot...come on pardso!....pick us up (the fuggen guy shanks everything ob and expects you to pick up the team...) he sucks...you dont...but you have to play with this guy for 18 long ass holes...hes the guy you dont want to be around...but you have to...cuz youre pardsy's...see


i know its winter here in the lou...and no i do not have a golf scramble coming up anytime soon....i was just thinking about a partner i have in a property development....thought about the fuggen bank that is bending me over and inserting their big ole fDIC up my ass...and my pardso...pardsy...pards who left me out to hang while he goes the ez route....BK...bancrupcy....ahhhhh the american way....just run the fugg away and leave a trail of fuggen tears behind you....as a society, we go way out of our way to make it ez for the criminals, the crooks...the guys that run and hide behind the fine print...its ez for them...they had nothing in the first place....they play you and you get fuggen played...


well pardso..ill pick up our team....with my fuggen life savings...thanks douschebag!


next time i hear pardsy, pards, partner, pardso...anything like that...im calling my attorney...because ill need to representation...

Saturday, January 8, 2011

1-1


i picked the jets and they won...


i picked the whodats and they lost...


for the record....i suck at ...prognosticating....picking winners...choosing stocks...gambling...picking bidness partners....picking banks to do bidness with....anything having to do with return on investment...


base camp for under performing...



i hate banks!!! fuggemall



Friday, January 7, 2011

scattershooting while predicting:


jeeeets beat the horseshoes...i enjoyed rex ryan and his cussing on HBO hardknocks show..they have swagger and i kind of dig that...hes my kind of asshole


baltimore disney show girl character beats the chefs...after watching my raiders beat the snot out of the paper tiger chiefs....baltimore will knock their dicks in the dirt!



fudge pack beat iggles...pack has the mo....and the linebackers to keep the dog killa at bay....


whodats smoke the sea hags...LOL...seahawks....im shitting in my pants now while i laugh at their mere existence....


stone cold lead pipe locks.....bank it!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

golf trips


i sit here...taking a break from the daily landlord beatdown...thinking about my next golf trip..


i know for sure, im going to sandhills, ne in july....just got the invite..and saundoggy is there!


ive read a bunch about sandhills....all i know is that it is directly in the middle of nebraska (never been to that state) and that it is very exclusive...there are many hills...and lots of sand....not only private exclusive...but exclusively the only thing to do there is golf! sounds like paradise to me...im sure there will be major stakes poker going on...ill have to play of course...and well...probably get taken to the woodshed....my mom always told me im the worlds worst liar...and i think my bluffing skills follow suit...better bring some cash....shit!


i know ill be going to the lake of the o this summer too....family trip, but saundoggy gets to escape and golf while wifey and friend and kids shop and do hoosier shit...


every year, about 30 to 40 of my sigma chi mates gather at a resort and golf and drink and drink and drink...dont know where we go this year...but i think im in this year...i missed last year and feel like shit about it...


every october, i go to dallas to visit chucky....when chuckys not busy whackin it, he makes time for me and we fuggen go off with gof gof gof...its a gof orgy...chucky is the funniest human alive and after a long weekend with him...my stomach hurts


every summer...sd comes up from htown...we hit all the great tracks..the best clubs.. here in the lou...sd had been doing this for many many moons...id say 16 out of the last 20 years...nothing beats his visit...he is a dear friend of mine and of my family and when he is here...i get the green light of all green lights....another golf orgy but this time i get to sleep in my bed...and poop in my poop room...thats a big time bonus!


if my niece goes to camp this summer, built and i will go down branson way and golf it up! built hates golf....as posted before...he'll play with me tho...im his exclusive golf buddy....dudes got mad skills with his swing..its a beautiful swing...yet there is very little yield....you see him swing and you think..."this guys good...wow...!!!"...then he hits it and you say to yourself...."how the fugg did he hit the ball so fuggen poorly....?" kind of like one of my bidness deals....lots o sizzle in the beginning....then it licks ball sack soon after...schwetty ball sack...


golf is great when you play great golf....and saundoggy is great! pat pat pat

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

ahhhh january


if its "beware the ides of march,"... then it should be "beware the fact that january sucks ass"


its cold....the grass is all dormant...no leaves...no color...except when your fuggen face turns black from frost bite...


family just arrived back from a roadie to houston....who drives anymore? uhhh southwest airlines is right there under me nose and i chose to take in the beauty of southern missouri (which is actually very nice)....all of arkansas...(no wonder that state ranks 49th in education while every year finishing a close last place to MISSISSIPPI!!! FCS!!!) and most of texas.... i love TEXAS>>>EVERYthing bout that great STATE!!!!...except for the towering pines, most of the drive licked donkey ball sack...


then there's the family....wifey always does well....shes tough....tougher than i...syd did well too ...she received the best kid on the trip award...prob give her 20 bucks for her efforts...she will spend it on stupid shit...



the bubbas were a nightmare....they stink...they fart..they are grease balls.....their feet are so fuggen large...there is literally no room for them....and they sat next to each other the entire way to and fro....nightmare i say...the farts kept me opening up windows almost every 5 minutes...sure its nice to get fresh air circulating....but when its fuggen 10 degrees outside....and wifey is cold blooded.....this caused major problems....major!!!!...we all received major shots of pungent odors followed by a blast of Arctic air....over and over and fuuggen over again and again and again..



its nice to be home......where wifey and i get to battle with our wonderful shitass partners....that story is next...stay tuned...