Wednesday, June 29, 2011

hoarders



i laugh when i see these poor slobs.....these people have a disease....and its scary....they cant throw anything out and it all just piles up in heaps....everywhere....sad.. weird and gross....and funny...






i hoard shit....not newspapers or clothes....or food cans...and gross shit you see on tv....i hoard golf shit....i have so much golf shit, i can open up a store....went to golfsmith today and sold back a whole bunch of shit...old wedges...drivers...3 woods...putters....a set of irons i have hardly used....i had to have em tho...






how many fuggen clubs does one need anyway....i have 2 sets of irons....wtf? why...?






rich peeps have multiple houses...cars...why bother...all u can use is one at a time....just like my other set of irons...they just sit there and smile knowing that their hosels wont be worn out due to the hosel rockets ive been firing....im finished shanking btw....that disease almost cost me my life....ready to fuggen jump with clubs in tow...






fugg rich people and their shit....if i had a billion....i would buy golf clubs....hell id buy golfsmith! not houses...probably buy some mopar muscle cars....most definitely! id hire foose to do me up a sweet chevelle ss....oh and AJ would have to be in charge of the build.....smokin! OVERHAULIN.....best show on TV...






im crazy sore...ive swung a golf club probably 10,000 times this month....def of insanity...look me up...wifey wishes i was this crazy about bidness....well i was when there was bidness...fuggen werld...












plop plop fizz



syd drops her crackberry in the toilet
ferf leaves his celly at kc airport
awnys fone goes in the pool...forgot it was in his pocket

3 weeks....3 claims....

we pay dearly for this shit....and kids dont fuggen care....

i told my sons today.....dont get married...and dont have kids....i told them that women act like their sister.....they understood....roger that dad!

tell the brats to not charge shit at club....cha ching...syd goes off on the gas card...prob buying gas for her dumb friends...cable bill comes...2 movies ordered when we have 30 fuggen movie stations...

fuggen syd...shes so nice...ask her to run an errand....or take bubs to a friends house...and she freaks...its my gas! uh no...we pay for everything you stupid asshole!

after a month of golf shankyips....and this crap....im ready for holiday road...my bud in socal is waiting for the knock on the door....one day ill come a knockin! loaded up and ready......gof clubs...makers and dip....

im pouring me a makes...later

Thursday, June 23, 2011

damn gals ... stfu!



whats up with females....? cfb they talk way way way too much...what takes me about 10 seconds to get out, takes the average gal 10 minutes....






no wonder us fellows tune out....we males are always accused of "not listening..." im definitely guilty as charged...i cant take it...i dont listen....i cant....it all just goes in and quickly out of my semicircular canals...i have the most efficient canals on this planet.....they wisk away the input (words, phrases, and bullshit) at lightspeed...blah blah blah....its gone!!!! blah blah blah.....see ya!






this pie hole spewing ability has zero prejudice...as long as the human has mammory glands and a vagina...its good to go...try me...i wont listen...unless you keep it 2 minutes...thats all i can take...






i get myself in serious trubs....its all because of my superpower, listening wisking abilities...superman has all that talent and wouldnt even come close to my power....blah blah blah blah....LATER!






my dad gave me advice long ago...before i wed wifey....he said ..."just tell her that she is right, and move on..." i know what he means by this now....took me a fuggen eternity...






saw a t shirt today..." i heard blah blah blah, then i went fishing"...smells ya bro...









im convinced this is why i dont really like to talk to anyone anymore...texting and email are preferred...





















Wednesday, June 22, 2011

altitude and gas




there is a definite correlation between high altitude and farting.....the higher you get, the deadlier the fart...this is proven science...i remember blazing the ole trail of tears while skiing.....damn, im glad im not skiing behind my fatass! i could rip one off that would last the entire run....no kidding....awesome








every time i go up in elevation....i fart away with deadly full force and effect....this runs in my family..








while in colorado last week....my sons fuggen blew the most foul...lethal...and peculiar odors out of their back ends...it was over taking everything i could offer....i was a mere pawn in this power hierarchy of flatulence...








it got so bad that the boys got sick smellin their own production....one bubba said..just before letting go.....and i quote..." this will burry us in an avalanche!" he said this right as we were going thru independence pass....on the way to aspen....where there were numerous recent avalanches right in front of our eyes...at first i chuckled...thot it was kinda funny....then i started to think about it a bit....it was so gawd awful that i actually started to believe that the boy was not kidding....












this continued all fuggen week....our rental cars windows were open and shut more last week than its lifetime guaranty will warrant....








damn bros....damn!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

im back...



went to my niece's wedding in boulder....boulder rules...






played some golf....had the shanks...AGAIN....didnt figure it out in time so i had a miserable time golfing while in colo.....kids and wifey hate me....when golf goes bad for me, its like a bad disease for all whom are near...









in my absence, the economy hasnt gotten any better....the lawyers are busy tho, and i guess thats good for them.....






SD comin in town for some golf....im hope, for his sake, that im cured of the evil disease...






cancelled a trip to sand hills and just found out that by me cancelling, i ruined the trip for the others planning on going.....guess i was the magic number....fugget....i aint going to middle dumbfuck NE to shankapotomus all over the place....if this happened....id probably be wanted for assault....or worse...






still busy making friends....






found out that another key tenant is vacating....this tenant is so key! and leases space that will be the shits to relet.....i mean the shits...stoked about that....









later






Wednesday, June 8, 2011

ill come back after vaca....



i need a break and will get one very soon....when i return...ill post once again...later

Thursday, June 2, 2011

bye



buh bye...






im officially dundy..






ill leave u with this...






if youve followed this blog, please do the" george costanza" and conduct your actions....your life...your decisions with the complete opposite of the garbage ive spewed over the last 6 months or so...






ima complete mess...a quintessential quitter.....there is no better quitter/loser than i...






i fugg up a wet dream....









later

sore ore orrrrrre orrrrrrre!!!!!!!!



every fuggen lame ass day, i wake up and i can barely move...im sore everywhere....its just not my back anymore....neck....shoulders...legs....feet...the back is the worst by far, but me other parts are catching up quickly...






in the mens locker, i groan and moan while undressing...the old fellas next to me laugh....i hear the old " youre too young to be sounding like that!" oh go fugg yourself old man...get out of my space anyway!..saggin sacks everywhere....i dont care if you fought in the war...i fuggen play squash and used to get my ass kicked in football every fuggen day....beat that!






this am was really really bad for me....i could barely move after the feet hit the hardwood...as i type, me back is spasming...and my left shoulder is reeling...






im stoked about this because today...at 1pm...is the mac golf league opening....playing a jack nick golf track ...winghaven cc...bad back and left shoulder...hmmm...are those important for the golf swing....?im loading up on meds for today....good thing about the meds is that i wont recall very much on how poorly i struck the ball....or it can go the other way and ill go LOW!!!..LOVE MODERN MEDICATION....altho i say that, back in the day the meds were way stronger than they are today....instead of a pain killer, youd get opium....dentists gave out laughing gas like it was candy....why dont dentists do this anymore....i hate the fuggen dentist...who doesnt? just the sound of that fuggen drill makes me ill....thats one great thing about being an adult....you can blow off the dentist....kids, no chance! theyre going in regardless....hazing...winning!