altitude and gas

there is a definite correlation between high altitude and farting.....the higher you get, the deadlier the fart...this is proven science...i remember blazing the ole trail of tears while skiing.....damn, im glad im not skiing behind my fatass! i could rip one off that would last the entire run....no kidding....awesome

every time i go up in elevation....i fart away with deadly full force and effect....this runs in my family..

while in colorado last week....my sons fuggen blew the most foul...lethal...and peculiar odors out of their back ends...it was over taking everything i could offer....i was a mere pawn in this power hierarchy of flatulence...

it got so bad that the boys got sick smellin their own production....one bubba said..just before letting go.....and i quote..." this will burry us in an avalanche!" he said this right as we were going thru independence pass....on the way to aspen....where there were numerous recent avalanches right in front of our eyes...at first i chuckled...thot it was kinda funny....then i started to think about it a bit....it was so gawd awful that i actually started to believe that the boy was not kidding....

this continued all fuggen week....our rental cars windows were open and shut more last week than its lifetime guaranty will warrant....

damn bros....damn!

aarp card? wtf?

i turn 45 this december...i received my aarp card(s) and activation form today....id already received one about 2 months ago...so thats 2 times now someone is telling me im getting old...why am i getting one of these anyway...arent they 5 years early?

age is a funny thing....some focus on just the number itself...some dont give a shit about the number and just live life....at 16 you get to drive.....18 you get to vote and get shot at by taliban....21 you get to drink makers mark...used to be many retire at 65...now many retire at 70...huge parties for 13 year old jewish kids...sweet 16 for some...wifey threw me a surprise bday bash at 30....wifey sent me on a golf trip with friends for my 40...my dad was so excited to reach 70 because he could ski for free...that didnt last long tho...poor guy couldnt breathe in the high altitudes..so much for achieving that goal in life....ski hill ownin bastards all know it too...they know exactly when people wont be able to ski for free....i can hear em now...behind the ticket counter..."look at that old bastard....wonder how long hell last ?" dangle and pull....

for me...i look like im 45 (ok watever)...feel like im 85....act like im 15... some say 13...some say 18...so we compromise)...i refuse to grow up and that refusal causes tension..and plenty of it....its difficult for me to be a "good example" for my kid folk....its very hard....when dad wins every fart competition (not even close) it gets even more difficult... my refusal to grow up is single handily the most difficult challenge that wifey has ever attempted to overcome...she will get there briefly...then...dangle and pull...there i go off to teenage waste land...fart contest time...dad wins again!!