Saturday, December 25, 2010

hey now


so xmas sucked....its ok tho...everyone else got what they wanted....i wanted a fishing kayak...i didnt get it... i did get the coolest trunk locker tho...oakland raiders trunk locker for big d...store all my cool golf shit i didnt get for xmas...


got some cool gift cards tho...saundoggy loves to shop...so im happy bout that...


the kayak was what i really wanted....i wont buy it for meself tho...


wahhhh!


off to houston manana ....holiday road...vacation style...stoked...later

Sunday, December 19, 2010

yule time joy


wifey gives me a list of presents for her....which im slowly and surely...checking off one by one by one..etc..ive even thrown in some nice surprises....


we'd agreed ...after last year....to not give any presents to each other anymore.....its awkward...wifey isnt the best gift receiver...actually...shes quite bad at it....


one cant fail tho when you get exactly what she wants....can they? its possible tho for me...haha


wifey told me something quite funny the other day..i never gave her any ideas on gifts for me because i was all for the not giving gig.....actually.....thats not true..id throw a fit if i didnt get anything for xmas....i love gifts...im the worlds best gift receiver....ask anyone!


wifey tells me that her gift to me is advising others on what to give me....its as tho there is an intricate network of behind the scenes...backdoor....under the table....shenanigans goin on here...


fuggen funny as hell really....MY GIFT TO YOU IS XMAS GIFT LOGISTICS!


i know better....maybe...perhaps...i hope...


kids aint gettin shit....they get money to spend...no fuggen games...toys..bikes...cameras..ipods..ipads...lap tops...red ryders..they get to take their wads and blow it for themselves...i refuse to buy anymore shit!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

watchout where the husky's go....


we had a freezing rain Storm yesterday and last night....haha...every skewl is out cepting my kids prestigious college preparatory skewl....hahahahaha! all of the public skewl...where i went....are out ...and those kids are probably hitting the old bong as i type...


so wifey and i made the decision that syd shouldnt drive our precious cargo to skewl today....so i loaded up the bummed out (totally bummed out) clan in BIG D and off to learn they go...


getting in BIG D...i noticed christopher (ferf) pointing something out to austin (awny)....they were both snickering to the point where i got curious...


what up bubbas?...i finally get what they are snickering about...


after getting home from skewl yesterday, ferf got bizzy on natures canvas...


nice werk ferf! love the way you perfected the weezer movement in your circles....it flows...no jagged edges...nice bro!
a regular yellow snow picaso

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

proverb wednesday


wtf is wed nes day anyway? weird word...wednesday...wednes...wed...nes...day...




i read a list of proverbs at jimmy johns the other day...




some were very funny...these are they...errrr watever...






  • never...ever! take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night


  • if you ever had to identify, in a single word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "MEETINGS."


  • there is a very fINE line between "hobby" and "mental illness"


  • people who want to share their religious views with you never want you to share yours with them....MY FAVORITE!!!! awesomest prov ever!


  • you will never find anyone, anywhere, in anyplace, who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.


  • a person that is nice to you while being mean to the waiter, is not a nice person!


  • men are like fine wine... we start out as grapes...and its up to the bitches to stomp the shit out of us until we turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

xmas...




christmas spirit to me is all about the presents! i love to give shit to my kids and wifey....and i sure as hell love receiving presents....i know i know....it sounds so shallow....what do you expect


from a fella like me tho...???




ok..i would love to meet the gal, the wife, that says "oh ...xmas is all about the family love and togetherness..." i want to see the face on this chick that gets bageled (zero) for xmas...nada...nuttin from her man..."oh honey, we have happiness and joy together....thats what its all about ...right hon....right?????"

oh yes...thatd be a classic scowl...doghouse city....beat it fella!




im such a self centered sob....i put me and family first....my friends mean a great deal to me too...but you aint gunna get shit from me...not even a card...ill do the "scan the xmas photo of my kids with santa...send it to you via email" gig....point ...click....and ship...dundy!








merry fuggen xmas....2010 sucked ass! bring on 2011...i fear that 2011 with suck smelly ass!




Monday, December 13, 2010

boobs.com lingere.com

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the wonders of facebook


so awhile ago i befriended Playboy on Facebook, much to the chagrin of my jesus freak zealot family member....i really feel that the big J himself would enjoy the magazine...but i digress...


so on my facebook page i see that Playboy is promoting an AXE contest...the text went as follows:


"The benefits of having clean balls are self evident. But who knew a shiny, fresh smelling set of man-spheres could bring you a trip to a college football bowl game of your choice in jan 2012


"the ballsiest college party ever" competition...!"


wowsers!


shit!!!! C on a fuggen bike (CFB)...too bad this contest wasnt held back in my day....all of our parties were of sausage nature.....a regular man-sphere smorgasbord! we were basecamp for man-spheres! ...think the gals were scared of us...who knows....?we would be college football bowl game bound!


clean your spheres! thats my new mantra!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

fuggen raiders!


cfb to one and all....and to all a good night!


fuggen raiders were up huge...dominating...and then blew the toilet in the second half with a big ole pile of filthy...stinky...crappy sheeeeet....


i hate everything....


i hate the fact that im sober now...


i hate the fact that im not playing squash anymore....(we'll see how long that lasts)


im bored to death....


swimming...yay! bubbles bubbles bubbles!


but i have clarity....and clarity makes me angry...and " anger gives you focus!" (senator palpatine...or darth sideous...one and the same)

george baileys nut sack


is huge...this poor fella could never...ever do what he wanted to do...as a kid, he was a national geographic explorer....wanted to sail the seas to exotic lands....


but no...the building and loan and an overbearing mr potter kept him from doing this....the building and loan kept " ole moss back goerge" ( a nickname coined by georges long time buddy sam wainwright...the same sam that offered george a solid ground floor investment into PLASTICS!!!) from going to college too...poor george...the fugger was forced into his miserable world of managing a struggling bidness in a dump like bedford falls....marriage...kids (wtf is a zuzu?)..potter...


when the bank was being run....that stupid asshole bastard wanted his entire 450 bucks out of georges personal kitty...this kitty was going to be used for his gd honeymoon....and that greedy bastard wanted it all....i wouldve knocked that fugger out..but george bailey gave him the entire amount.....


georges nut sack was huge...he endured so much pain for everyone elses pleasures.....what a guy!


finally ...in the end, the grubby bastards that were the recipients of mr baileys love, finally paid it forward...and george bailey became the richest man in bed falls!


way to go mr bailey....!


and fugg potter too...!!!!that ole bastard stole from uncle billy....if he returns that $8000 deposit, george never would have gone to the bridge...but then again, he wouldnt of had to endure that night with Clarence...and thusly becoming the richest man in bedford falls...!



nutsack!!!! george bailey has a biggen!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

fuggen stripey tree


ok...its been awhile...fuggen life of mine...im going sober now and was hoping that would help things....all it did was give me headaches and totally erase my head of the creepy/angry thoughts and ideas from my noggin...booooring...


so with my aching back, i come to you now squashless....a huge part of my life taken away...just like that...im pissed...angry...life aint fair...so i swim now and i like it...but it aint the workout...actually it is but its booooring....so now im boooring and worthless



so what do i do?....i go out to Target to put an ease on my christmas decorating....i buy pre lit...ez to assemble tree....plug it in and it fuggen lights up like a xmas tree...by god!



well...my fuggen tree doesnt light the fugg up...wifey messes with it and oi la...a tree with evenly disbursed lighting....but wait...not so fast....my fuggen tree has a thread that aint lightin up so good mate....wtf!!!


oh stripey tree oh stripey tree....you suck so bad i want to snuff you!



i just spent an hour trying to figure out why this this wont light up entirely....i need makers so bad now...but i wont....i refrain...for the good of my disorder...