its fuggen hot!

this heat wave sucks...there is no sense in even going outside...this feeling got me wondering...

what the fugg did they do before air conditioning? houses get very hot on 100 degree days....we crank up the ac...done...but back in the day, people didnt have that convenience....they literally had to go outside to cool off.....stay in your house and u probably die...

i can climb in big d...right now...crank me AC....and drive to the drive thru starbucks....order me a passion fruit sweetened tea....yummers...

back in the day, it was a wet towel on the neck while sitting under the shade tree....

we are all pussies....wah wah wah....we like to blame this heat on climate change....global warming....what the fugg ever? its summer and summer is HOT time...in winter, when its 10 below, we cry and want SUMMER to come quickly....

at least you are not geared up with a 100 lb pack shooting at taliban....or geared up drilling for the up coming football season....

just count your blessings and enjoy the fuggen air conditioner! and drink cold water..

post office blues...

no wonder these fuggs are going out of bidness...broke...or whatever....went to post office today...to pick up a package...poor postman probably took a bite to his ass from sasha only to leave a note that we missed him...

the lady that waited on me was so fuggen stupid and incompetent...she fuggen couldnt scan the bar code...she tried and failed over and over and over and over again....im telling you, this went on for 5 fuggen minutes....i suggested that she enter the numbers in by hand....she looked at me like i was a tard....she kept clicking the scanner...and fail....fail....fail....fail.....the fuggen "beep" the machine made will give me nightmares forever more..id rather fight in Afghanistan than hear that beep again....

so this kept on going and going and going on....so i then mentioned the "entering the numbers by hand" idea....and well....she bit...and guess what....it fuggen worked! im a genious...and she is a fuggen dumb fatass! ..oh and the lady postperson next to the fuggen fat dumbass was deaf....and she spoke like a deaf rehtard....and she was a shitty lip reader too...i swear she misunderstood this fellas question to her....he asked her what a book of stamps costs...her answer was "i give a great bj!" what the fugg!!!????

all of that effort for swiss chocolate sent to our family from our kraut relatives....bummer part about this....I CANT EAT any! yours truly is on a month long diet....fuggen lake of the ozarks somehow made me fat...fuggen 3 days of hoosierism....thats all it takes i guess...

playa again...

im a player again.....took the huge step out of me house and moved back to an office in clayton....i think i was officing out of me house for 5 years......5 fuggen years....5 years of working where you live....its a tough deal....u wake and you go downstairs....u work....u go home by walking upstairs....summers sucked...kids want rides...have friends over.....dogs bark....dogs run away....the worst was the pantry and fridge....instant access to fatness!!!! the mac was just down the street...that was cool...steam shower and shave 3 minutes away!

went to lunch today....by meself....saw 6 brokers that i used to run around with...awesome...actually talked some bidness....huge step and breakthrough for me...there is hope for me after all....maybe...learnin to fly....but i aint got wings...comin down....is the hardest thing...

im taking it slow tho....dont want to dive in too quickly...got to say this tho....shouldve done this years ago....why the fugg is it always like that...? the old adage...i wish i knew back then what i know now...i couldnt imagine the damage and carnage that i would do if i was 21 again....PLAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so far so very good.... i like it here...the fellas here like me....the gals too...the gals always like me....why is that? perhaps i will make some nice jack again....actually....that is a certainty!

me office building is schlocky....however me office space is kinda titty...its 3 times bigger than the closet i was jammed in for those basement years...

feel like the "natural" .... the promising baseball stud that suddenly disappeared from the world....only to return and be a stud yet again....many never achieve studome..i get to achieve it yet again....

goodbye hermit...hello gecko!

lake of the hoosiers

got back from our annual lake of the ozarks trip....this year was kind of cool due to the fact that none of my kids brought friends...oh, they tried, but no one could go...

allowing your kids to bring friends brings on the big time fake dad role play....

some examples:

with friends along..."please son, do not light the wd40 on fire inside the condo.."

without friends...."you fuggen retard! youre going to burn this fugger down and i aint paying for it...shit for brains!!!!!"

with friends along...."sure kids, lets go to golf carts and then get some ice cream afterwards!"

without friends.... "are you fuggen serious???! we just went last night....blew a hundo on you brats....plus im drunk now and fugg if im drivin!"

with friends...." jet ski rental? sure...."

without friends...." just push each other on the pool raft...bring me the makers bottle you shit!!"

with friends...."goddamn it....i need a dip o snuff...!"

without friends...." hey awny, toss me my spit cup!"

with friends..."sure..u can watch a movie on the way home....and ill be sure to turn off my music so you can hear the flick loud and clear..."

without friends...."we are fuggen rockin out...."keep your eyes on the road and your hands up on the wheeeoooooool!"

8 am....vet....3 dogs

we have 3 dogs....we have 3 fuggen dogs....we are stupid stupid people...

taking all 3 to vet this am was a complete disaster...i do all three cuz im not going to the vet on separate occasions....fugg that!

i have major cat allergies.....and this place.. and evidently the human society is having a major run on cats....i have sneezed all damn day....no breaks....ive sneezed more than ive breathed...

my dogs dont behave....they are horrible creatures really....schnicklefuck is the worst....this little bastard shrieks and bites his leesh....he bites the big white dog (sasha) when sasha is on her leash....little fuggen bastard takes advantage of sasha when she is not able to eat him....schnickle bites sasha at her ankles....bite...retreat....rinse ....repeat...and while biting sasha poor ankles....this little fugger shreaks and whales....and make gawd awful yiping noises....its a scene....a horrible scene...fritz poops every time....take him to petsmart...poop.....take him to vet...poop....everywhere you take him, he drops another Rembrandt...

sasha pulls on her leash to the point of pukedom.....kack! kack! uh...oh....bleeeeeeck! cleanup isle 2...

meanwhile...lilly...our new adopted wiener is awesome...she is quiet....well behaved....and awesome...love her...the other 2 can suck it!

day ruiner!

poor ted..at starbucks...ive known this fella for awhile....good peeps he is...he is building a house....as a result, he and his family have moved into his inlaws house temporarily....thats a prison sentence already....

teds in the commercial construction bidness.....seen him at bux twice now in the last week or so.....first time i saw him he asked me the wrong fuggen question....and well....i gave him the right fuggen answer...."hows Bidness?" ANSWER: "dude it sucks ass...and it wont stop sucking ass for a long long time!" top of the muffin to you too! ted was depressed....

just this am....i asked ted how his house is going blah blah blah...... he said it will be completed in november....i laughed out loud while saying something like this...."are you fugging serious?" see, when you build something, youre fugged...timelines never matter...around these here parts you have to accommodate deer season...our house took 3 fuggen years to build....ted is a builder and knows this....he kinda gave me a look that said..."saunders..dont fugg with me this am bro...!" ....i went on to tell him that his old house was a perfectly good house and he will regret this move....then i told him if i had my way....id sell my house and get rid of 3/4 of my shit...move in a condo and send my kids on the bus to public skewl!"

nice seeing you ted....

poor fella

gals werld cup

watched the finals yesterday after watching "go darren" win the british...."go darren" is now the champion golfer of world...er sumptin like that...

gals soccer was pretty sloppy....lots of turnovers...chicks give the ball up way too ez....explains their sexuality really...they dont want the ball so they give it up....easily...they dont understand balls....ew....u take it...

i wish we wouldve played the swedes....they were good looking blondes...better to see 10 good looking blonde's run around than 10 jap chicks....wow they were smokin ugly!

soccer is a fugged up sport...a team can totally dominate and lose....doesnt seem right....the guys flop around trying their best to draw fouls....the gals not so much....

i wont watch gals play sports unless they are good looking...there are a couple real nice looking golf babes....so i tune in when dudes arent playing...

the japs won a game they werent even supposed to win....it was a shame watching our usa gals lose a game they titally dominated...in looks and play...

Nothing

Goin on lately...golf game is way back..feeling like a man again...better than feeling like an infant in the fetal position...
Ferf coming home from his trip to sea island...muffy...bifffster.....Emerson....!!!

Weve heard from ferf several times....and well...I think he's comin home with some injuries.....shocker....something about a golf cart meeting a pothole....

Found a new show I like....pawn stars....its awesome...

Got he green light for Xmas in ptown....if you have never seen a Xmas cactus, your missing out....

I'm not funny this week...I'm kind of tired and I've been holing up at home....because it's fuggen 199 degrees outside...

Busy shooshing away these fuggen 16 year old fellas that want to rape me daughter...

Damn persistent bastards....it's tough in our modern world...with cellys...texting...the www...Facebook...
Fuggen a these bastards are more sneaky than an alqaida operative...


Later

in 5 to 10 years ...

half of the "working " force will be attorneys....

lawyers everywhere....id be a terrible attorney....no way i could defend someone whom i knew was in the wrong...no fuggen chance....id tell my client to find someone else....

one of our attorneys is busy chasing the "class action" suits....hes going for the big one....i guess thats ok but when it comes for us to sue someone out of their leasehold, he is persona non grata...we are little shits....hes looking for the big shit!

the job market is so bad now....so kids coming out of college..the ones that are able, are extending their education....i dont blame them one bit...nowadays, attorneys are lighting up the lamp, so these kids are going to law skewl...score...!

before the great recession, we have always had one suit going a year..presently, im involved in at least 5...every one of them im on the right side of things...ceptin me pocket book....gulllboy!

there wont be much left if this continues.....and thats the problem...the appeal process is a killer on the already awarded funds....its like water torture.....slowly dripping...drip drip drip....right into your attorneys lake house....tfb

many of my friends are lawyers....i love them all...hell i love our attorneys...i feel all snuggy when i talk to them....hard to explain that one, but its true...when i talk to me counsel, i just feel like all is great in the world...its comforting....weird...

ferf gone one day...

my house is clean and quiet....why is that when just one little shin kicker leaves, all is blissful? happens when wifey leaves too....but when i leave, all shit goes to hell....im not the glue of this family...far from it...but cfb...its easy street when others take off for a spell....

awny misses his bro.....ahhhh how cute right....? wrong....bullshit.....hes bored because he has no one to fuggen throw hay makers at....im sure ferf misses awny for the same brutal reason...

and the clean house....oh its nice...we are the prime example on why a couple should conceive one child....i would love to have been the only child in my fugged up family....i couldnt imagine how cool as hell it would be to be me and wifeys only kiddo.....damn....ice cream every night...!

so far this summer....wifey and i have had both boys gone for about 5 days....and now ferf gone for 7....wifey leaves end of august for a couple days....have that one on me calendar....

when i go to dallas in september....all fuggen hell will break loose here....and ill hear about it every fuggen time i call in....why is that? now i know why some of my very close friends choose not to call in.....smart peeps live in the southwest!

keepin up with the joneseseses...

i remember ...back in the day....when your neighborhood buddy got the kickass bike with the banana seat and the chopper dealy bar.. in the back...ride while leaning back in style....and you got your older brothers piece of shit, broken up 10 speed...not cool...not cool at all....

your neighbors had the Mercedes...while my pop had the old company car....he always ordered the Buick...

so syd went to fla with her skewl buddy over spring break...right...they went to palm beach...on her friends dads jet...well well now...all out luxury...

so now ferf gets to go with his friend (different family) to sea island this sunday...for a week....the mom emailed us directions on how to get him to their fuggen jet....

in 2 weeks, i get to borrow my buddies condo for our family trip to the lake of the ozarks...we will cook up burgers/brats/and maybe steak...go to water park...ill get to golf....ill get to make my annual collection call to my partner who owes me big money....not private jet money....maybe a row of seats money....go carts....funnel cakes...fishing...lots of makers...

this shit is hard...we are not poor by any means..i consider myself a rich fella....now i get the q's from wifey....why cant we have that...this? great! these are very very nice peeps tho...which is great...i wouldnt send junior with a total dbag family....the kids have great friends...they just happen to be fuggen robber barron rich!

now im the guy that lives on the other side of the tracks....never ever thought id be that guy....

fuggen werld...

mommas gotta squeezebox

daddy never sleeps at night....in and out and in and out.....shes playin all night...and the musics all right...

always thought that song was about sex....in and out and in and out.....wtf else could it be about...? squeezen box....yes!!!

i think "in and out" is probably the most important of all prepositional phrases...

what beats that?

youre either in or out....cant be both...

in and out of a golf funk

in and out of a par train

in and out of love...

in and out of the beaver...oops...wondering if my editor will catch that one...

in and out of drug rehab

always thought.."falling in love" is somewhat funny....when one falls, it means youre going to get bumped...bruised...or seriously fugged up....why not "climb in love...or ascend in love?" when you are actually achieving something...a prize if you will...the summit of love and happiness...

...falling for something....falling into something....big trubs i say...u gunna get burned! now falling out of love.....that might be a decent way of describing this action or feeling if you will....when one falls out of love, one gets to fall out of a bad thing...yet why say "fall?" ... come to think of it..should be "escape from federal prison..."

lately, ive fallin into some shitty deals....but at the time...when things were fresh and bidness was booming...i "developed" some great deals.....that word "developed" is so positive....there is a product created because of your hard word and knowledge....well that shit didnt last long did it? fuggen heap of crap was developed....next time i have to drop a deuce.....im going to announce that im going to "develop a product...."

im quite pissy these days...fuggen werld...

\

4th and fuggen july has begun

fuggena man....june blew ass....everything about it sucked....later!

now comes july....this is the month i make some deals....my golf swing is totally back on target....no worries...

july 4 is coming ...we were going to a friends kickass farm for a long weekend of sex drugs and rock n roll....actually...no sex at all....makers mark...and grateful dead music...but i can dream eh?....but that all came to a fuggen halt when the host fuggen cancelled....something about them selling their house and being too busy to entertain the 12 guests or so....great start july....fugg off already!

so now what do i do...? guess ill drink alone yet again....watch car shows....and fishing shows...maybe get some golf in....i dont have a golf crew anymore...so i rely on inviting myself...no one picks up my calls...is this a hint? hell, i dont pick up calls anymore...you email or text me if you want to chat...those are my rules....talking sucks and is a total waste of energy....listening is even more difficult!

so here we are...july fuggen 1...go uncle sam! this country was great...now it sucks...people suck and so does bidness....but hey...ima winner