wifey out of town...now what?

i do enjoy being a bachelor from time to time...but being one with 3 fuggen kids is kinda gay...

v is off until friday...so now i have to pick up the bubbas at skewl....330....then i guess i take them home...

and i guess i can hang there for the rest o day....hmmm....sounds boring...

perhaps ill pour me a stiffy...then figure out which pizza place to order from....no dishes...no cooking...

no doubt ill have a screaming match with me dauts...she feeling her own these days....shes a tough match...but ill win...im undeafeated....

then ill scan the channels...and watch some cool tv...or better yet, ill eat pizza in my bed and watch cool tv...and blow some farts....i might just light one....been awhile since ive lit the air biscuit...

then ill look around and find her chocolate stash.....and eat the fugg out of the swiss chocolate she so cleverly hides....

then ill catch some late night tube...never get to watch late night on the account that wifey is in sleep mode at 10 pm sharp...

then while sleeping, ill get to sprawl all over the place....ill cover every inch of the bed...just because i can....usually im leaning over my edge while spouse and k9 sprawl....

in the am...ill get the kids off to school...and there will be silence...a deafening quite that could make me break....but ill have our 3 too many dogs to entertain me for 5 minutes...off to work...

by tomorrow night, ill want to be on my edge of the bed again....but ill have to wait for friday night...then saturday night, ill kick myself in the nuts for not taking advantage of my staycation...

got those scramble blues...

every fuggen time i play in a golf scramble....EVERY MUDDER FUGGEN TYME...i finish one spot out of the money....always with that arbitrary score card playoff....wtf!!!??? ..scorecard playoff is another way of saying..."lets fugg up saundoggys fuggen werld?!"

happened again saturday...happened last sunday...ive played in 2 scrambles this year...im fuggen dundy!

fellas we played with won the damn thing..they won it last year too....these fuggers were solid tho...their worst golfer was a 1 handicap...their anchor was in the plus range...we were with them for 11 holes tho....then fire!!!


we get in the clubhouse...and the board is up...and we are in the money...uh oh....wait ..one group hasnt reported their score....no way theyll knock us out of the running...you think? ...and down goes fraaaaaayshaaah!

beeeeeeeuuuuup...fuggen price is right failure horns a blasted in my semi circular canals and cochlea regions of me inner ears...buuuuuuhhh duuu bahhh beedaaaa burrrrrrrrrrrm!

fuggen werld...i was so happy...like the fella that got the leg lamp in the movie "the christmas story"

big swingin deeeeotch!

yup...saundoggy has it back.....kickin ass taking names! how gay is that? referring myself as saundoggy....i hate that..what a complete dork!!!!

deals out the ass....who knew?

actually...im busy chasing the dream again....and some things look pretty good....but, this werld is brutal and my good things will most likely look like a polished turd in good time...

but....u gotta move forward and thru....make sure the turd in in the vice grip...all steady....start slowly with some high grade sandpaper...hopefully it holds together...

this is how to treat the "deal" world these days....everyone is a pile o crap...

even chet..."hey looks pretty good...now make your own dickweed!"

does your brief case match your truck?

mine does....pulled out my zero halliburton gun metal brief case...like james bond has, i have! i think matt helm had one too... im probably the only dude in the LOU that has one of these beauties....you should see the looks i get from the peeps on the streets....

big D is gun metal....my case is gun metal...

went to a meeting today and opened up my case....got out my legal pad and gonkulator (gotta be a huge fan of hogans heroes to know what im saying here) and started a cypherin...(gotta be a huge fan of the Beverly hillbillies to know what im saying here)...my client started laughing.....then he asked me where i got it....wifey bought it for me...xmas....about 15 years ago i think....sweetness!!!!! then he became jealous....now i know he wants one...

tomorrow, i break out the Fedora!

self absorbed

been told over and over and over again....throughout me entire existence....

in grade skewl...."youre stuck up!" wtf does that mean anyway..? wrong choice of words really....stuck up...? stuck up where? it doesnt make any sense!...i had swagger and those bitches tried to take it all away....

high school..." youre so conceded!" again...i concede to no one...so, thank you!...

college..."self centered bastard!"....that makes way more sense than the others....self...ok...thats me.....centered....center of attraction....ok....bastard....ill take that one too...

now a days..." you never listen...you always think youre right...you think youre so fuggen cool and great!"..... thanks! more praise please!

its tough being me...

skewl starts tooooo morrow!

fuggyah! my favorite fuggen day of the year...!!!! get them little bastards back to skewl and out of my existence! i mean out!!! im counting the days....i hope these bastids dont think they are coming home to live at home after college....guess i need to buy some extra shot gun rounds for my standoff! no fuggen way youre taking the hill...ill fight to the death....they are on their own!

i guess people have kids because they feel the need to pass on their awesome family traits to our world....or they forgot to put on rubber...or take the pill...some have kids to save their marriages...some need them for help around the farm or crack house....earl woods had his kid to be tiger woods...when i first of tiger woods i couldnt believe that someone would name their stupid , retard kid 'TIGER"....then i found out his real name is eldrick...earl woods shouldve been shot for that..wtf is an eldrick...old dick...elder rick...??? stupid ass clown....tiger woods is kinda gay...

i was a kid once you say...? yes i was...and i was a little fuggtard bastard too...i probably kept my parents up...made them nervous....pissed all over the bathroom....made mess after mess...asked for money and got it only to blow it on stupid retard shit...broke windows...broke countless bones....ate everything in existence...grew out of my shoes weekly...grew out of my clothes monthly...fought everyday with my sibling....

evidently mom forgot her pill...or dad forgot the trojan.....or they needed help around the crack house....

fraud..

me credit card company called...apparently someone in the LA county correctional facility got a hold of my card number and set up shop...nice..

how does this happen?

should this even happen?

you hear and learn about prison life through shows like "hard times" and "scared straight"..."shawshank"...greatest movie ever made....i guess there are fellas in prison that are able to get things for their fellow inmates..RED...now that was a guy who could get things for prisoners...andy got his rock axe from RED...andy escaped...

so now i guess if you do a crime....do the time...all while charging up someone elses credit card..

so now i have to fuggen go thru the process of filling out fraud forms....great....so once again the honus is on the rule follower....us rule followers continue to get the shaft....pisses me off...heavens to betsy!

its an upside down society....i feel like ive been violated....altho not the "violation" one receives in the bighouse...i guess us rule followers have that going for us eh?