patriots suck!!!!

i hate the pats...! hate them....i hate everything about them....i hate their gay boy band qb...i hate their coach...i hate their fans....i hate their uniforms...i hate it all!

these fuggers cheat and get away with it....tom brady goes untouched....you touch him, you get a flag....pussy!

the league has set this up....someone must have pictures...there is no other explanation...

this sunday....the great oakland raiders will kill the patsies....im so confident of this....i dont think there is a team in the nfl that can beat the raiders.....if the raiders do lose a game it will only be because they beat themselves.....they are that good!

ive never been this confident....i know what this team has....simply put, they have kickass football players! simple....they fuggen are tough! the raiders will run the ball and beat up opposing defenses...tire em out...and strike with the vertical ball....game over!

so bring it marcia brady! the black hole is waiting....and no one is worried! except for your ass!

Top 10 Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in your office

These are the Top 10 ways to be the "Funny Guy" in your office:

10. Keep telling the same person they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you were just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of fucking queers.

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting, put one finger in the air and make a noise like you are hocking up a loogie. Then spit the custard into a glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat that."

7. Inform a male coworker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker." Then piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good ass fucking.

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand down your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know" then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them all sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hands.

3. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it is the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is covered in shit, laugh at them and point at them and call them a fucking asshole.

2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! Help me!" Then when it stops, look down and say "oh"

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it into the bathroom and stick it in your ass. Take it back to the person you borrowed it from and ask them to smell it. When they tell you that it smells bad, tell them, "It should. I had it in my ass."

mp59s

i fuggen did it....bought em...im stoked...2 weeks, they will be in me sack...unfortunately, in 2 weeks, we could have snow on the ground...the way weather is around here...

im a golf club hoarder...its a sickness really...i need the newest and best stuff....only for golf tho....i can care less about my vehicle....altho big d kicks ass and it is a super cool awesome pickem up truck...

i couldnt trade in my 58s...they are so beautiful....no way i can give them up.....now this is fuggen weirdyville....separation anxiety from golf irons...the irons im replacing....whats wrong with me...

i have 4 putters too....i keep going back to the 20 year old tuttle....drivers out the ass....dont have too many extra 3 woods tho...there is no replacing my 3 wood i carry...thing is a weapon...so titty!

i blame this on the 5 golf mags i get in the mail....these mags are gifts from SD and its cruel...he knows i dig golf shit and yet continues to feed me these mag subscriptions....its his fault....i blame him and him only....the 59s were in last months golf digest...the centerfold.....of course they got top billing because they are mizunos and there is no peer....mizuno makes the nicest looking/feeling iron in the bidness...

mizunos are the pile of cocaine to coke addicts....mizunos are the playboy playmate to mr heffner...so the 5 golf mags i get are feeding my habit...sad really...

gawd fugg cfb! im a junkie...! i never settle!

the double dip...

when you have a big mouth, like yours truly, you dont need too double dip your chip...veggie...bread...or whatever...

i just fuggen dip that bastard..full go...get as much product on the food as possible....and pop the entire fugger in me mouth...quite rude...but i dont care....it keeps me from double dipping...more efficient...and quite awesome...like me...problems arise with dip supply using my method...i can use up the bowl of dip with 5 chips...5 i say...

chip n dip is gold to me....i love the shit...i can eat chip n dip for every meal...problem is...i cant stop...i really cant...ill go 24 7 if the shit is in front of me...

many feel our economy is in, or headed toward a dub dip recession...this isnt good...and simply couldve been avoided...like timmy said to george, on seinfeld..."from now on, when you take a chip-just take one dip and END IT!"

double dippers irk the shit out of me....its gross...even if youre a "flipper"...still gross... a flipper dips and eats then flips and dips again...thinking that the undipped side is clear for dipping...but, its not clear...the undipped clear side of the chip has the double dippers finger germs on the chip...tainting the dip..

all this crap goes out the window if you have exclusivity to the chip n dip....exclusivity means that the dipper can stick whatever the hell he wants in the dip...there are no laws for the exclusive dipper...its your own paradise...

im fuggen hungry now...

braces...

bubbas had a 7am orthodontist appointment this am....i overslept..and they missed it...i rescheduled..no harm no foul..

and this got me to thinkin..what the? why the?

every fuggen kid gets braces these days...you dont see a kid without em....and when you do see a kid without them, they are either getting them soon or they just got them taken off...

these bastards (braces) cost from 4 to 6 k...my kids are in the six range because they go to the fuggen taj mahal for their braces work....this place is sweet....video games...kitchenette...great magazines...awesome comfy furniture...plush carpet....peppy as all get out receptionists...best part about the ortho office is their big ole jar of wintergreen life savers....i stock up for the rainy day on those bastards...pockets a bulging...i dont care..i pay for this shit...

all of my kids have or had braces...spend out the ass for those bad boys....

the after braces stage...what a waste...one kiddo get braces off, there is a maintenance stage that includes the 1000 retainers they toss in the school garbage can...oh no worries little one, ill just fork out another 200 for another useless piece of shit plastic molding! i got it!

now a days, kids get to order up new colors....one of my boys got black bands...he looked like he needed to brush the shit out of his teeth every time i saw him...."dude, you got shit on your teeth!"

"no dad, those are my bands!"

rinse repeat...

even stranger...adults are wearing braces...theyre everywhere...wtf?..i mean youve lived your life thru adolescence...at 21 you party....soon after u get married er whatever...growing up..buying shit..and then you decide to get fuggen braces?????

never had braces...always told i had the perfect bite...my lower teeth are all snaggly...but who the fugg cares about the lower teefes?

kids ortho drives a sweet Porsche....after all is said and done, he will be driving his porsche by my new homestead...the van down by the river....maybe hell stop by and join me for some government cheese...of squeeze variety...

thats using your head....

dateline: afghanistan...former prez of that crappy pos nation died while man hugging who he thought was his pal....this pal was some guy...seems that his turban was packing heat in the form of a fuggen bomb! this swell fella detonated it at embracement time...

turban bomb? what the? whats next?...dick bombs...boobie bombs...vag bombs...

"hey there mustafa, how are the kiddos...and your dog wife duin?"

"good!!! good!!!! damn bitch dog doesnt like our cave too much ...she is getting used to her leash tho"

"well...great seeing you mate...lets have a hug"

"ok"

pow!!!!!!!

and down goes mustafa!!!!

those virgins must be something!

furkin fark!

me raids shit the bed yesterday....cfb brothers! close it!











bubbas football team performed very raider like too.....friday...up 20 zip at half.....lost 21 20...











but they are 13 years old...maybe they will learn one of lifes great lessons..."it aint over til its over"...thanks mr Berra...



what i witnessed sunday was a bunch of rich, fat, fast fuggers choke the living shit out of a for sure victory...its ok as their paycheck awaits for them in their locker....for us fans, we have to wallow in it for a week....taking shit from everyone who knows me....a colossal failure..driving around town in big d today....peeps honking....yelling "nice game!"...big d wears the shield of the once great oakland raiders..



since stats llc has been tracking shit like this, since 1993...this is the first and probably only time a team has scored touchdowns on all of their 2nd half possessions....the fuggen buttfuckboooofallo bills ...had the ball 5 fuggen times in the second half....5 fuggen tds...thats 35 fuggen points...to go along with the 3 points they struggled to get in half 1....




the only thing good that came out of yesterdays game was that it gave me a great excuse to down more makers mark....i went to bed angry but got to sleep quickly....


crap!