my dogs are stinkin and needed some professional help...so i loaded up the dackels (dacshunds)...schnicklefritz and lily into big d and took them to petsmart...sasha cant go with the dackels...sasha has to go by herself....sasha wants to eat both schnick and lily...cant blame her...
why on earth do i have these dogs???....schnickelfritz is a mini wired haired sob...he fuggen hates human males....he bites them...he doesnt bite me tho...lucky for that bastard he doesnt...id ray guy punt his ass into the coffin corner...we paid 400 bucks for this catlike devildog...Lily is awesome...we just rescued her from a puppy mill...shes very friendly....she too is a mini....but she is of long haired variety...
why on earth do i have these dogs???....schnickelfritz is a mini wired haired sob...he fuggen hates human males....he bites them...he doesnt bite me tho...lucky for that bastard he doesnt...id ray guy punt his ass into the coffin corner...we paid 400 bucks for this catlike devildog...Lily is awesome...we just rescued her from a puppy mill...shes very friendly....she too is a mini....but she is of long haired variety...
its a rather embarrassing moment for saundoggy when he has to parade these two fuggers into petsmart....the grooming area is ...of course...at the very back of the store...schnicklefugg always yaps when you put him on a leash.....its not your ordinary yap though...unfortunately for me and everyone else within earshot....its a death scream! you cant explain it but ill give it a shot...its as if you are getting bull whipped while falling off a 100 story skyscraper...its so fuggen loud and obnoxious i feel like stomping him...stomp..over...youre dundy....lily is very cool...didnt make a sound...shes a keeper...
you would not believe the stir that this fugger caused there....one of the petsmart MALE employees came over and well...he uh...tried to help me with schnick....and well uhh....schnick went after the poor bastard....b lined right at the guys knees....thats as high as the shrimp can go...i yanked on the leash and poor schnick went air born... backwards into the martha stewart pet supply kiosk...guess martha stewart is into designing dog shit these days...
once i got the beast into the grooming area...things went ok
picking up this bastard...once again...the death scream...the attack of the male employEES, the sheer and utter chaos that took place was clearly a violation of others freedom..
great...so theres one checkout line open...and its packed...im panicking as things are bad...and getting worse...see...retailers know what they are doing...they make you go to the very back of the store to get to the the things that most everyone wants...milk...eggs...pet grooming...and i cant pay the damn bill at the grooming desk...customers have to go to the front checkout to pay...and see...they get to see the martha stewart shit...AGAIN..and that gets you thinking that you need to buy a snuggie for your weener...i digress...(i didnt buy shit for the undeserving bastard) the manager hears us coming and immediately opened up a checkout line for me...us...schnicklefritz just attacked another poor fella...this time a customer that had a huge boxer in tow...wtf???!!!
i plop down cash and i think i forgot to get my change...and high tale it out of there!
fuggen horrible embarrassing dbag debauchery...!
to make my day even worse...after dropping the weeners at home...i go get me a big ole panera bread ice tea....there is a space right up front....a george costanza kinda space....perfect...never happens at panera...i maneuver big d (tundra crew max...huge hoss of a truck...) into my slot...bingo...i get out...3 old ladies sitting out on the panera patio start snickerin at me...ok..wtf..
"nice parking job there!" uhhh....so i look and well....i failed..miserably...i dont know if i even reached a 45 degree angle into my slot...i took the walk of shame back to big d and re parked..old lady tells me..."thats much better young man."
dbag out!
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