its days like this that really make me miss my temporary laborer...randy...
my carwash employee is out til toozday (oakland raider speak for tuesday...john matusak...used to call him "tooz"...) so i get to clean 3 washes today thru monday....sweet..its fuggen 100 degress outside...
id call randy to fill in....but havent heard from randy for about 6 months...last i talked to him...our conversation went exactly like this:
ME: "randy, i need you to clean up the back of 7 hills and tack down some of the fascia that blew loose during the wind storm last night.."
randy: "scotty..is that you...you wouldnt believe where i am right now...heh heh...i got me head right in between my red heads legs...damn son its great down here! HEE HEE"
i havent heard from randy since...
a contractor friend introduced me to randy about 5 years ago...hes a hell of a roofer and cleans out gutters like the best of em...he works hard but he always wanted more money after the job was completed... always...and that kinda pissed me off at times..but shit, the dude worked hard and did shit that no one else will do...
randy was a definite meth head...teeth were all rotted...a couple teeth flappin in the wind...he had a crazy ass brain too...would yell loudly and laugh uncontrollably at unfunny shit...he was an odd lot...my dog sasha would grab a chunk out of his ass every time he came over to do some OUTDOOR work here...i was afraid to let him come in...i do have kids and all...
i hired randy to "detail" (clean the exterior) my house...this was a big job...my abode has multiple gables at pretty high altitudes...he would have to hang from the roof ...and contort his body in various awkward positions in order to clean the soffits....i was nervous about randy taking on this job...i knew he didnt have the proper equipment...hell every time he did a job for me it seemed like i had to get him the tools for the work...this time was no different....
randy shows up in his pos pickup...i greet him outside...sasha waits until he turns his back ( shes smart) and chomp!....in go her teeth right in randys butt cheek..like clockwork...sorry randy..ill put her in her cage....
this time, randy told me he was going to bring some help..he knew he'd need someone to hold his legs while he hung over the roof ledge...thing is...he was by his lonesome...wheres the crew?
randy: "well i got pulled over by your police and well my 3 guys got taken in...outstanding warrants....im going to work today by myself..will you pay me some money today so i can bail my crew out of jail?"
me: "ok..." how the fugg is this idiot going to do this work by himself ?...i didnt ask him any details about the warrants...didnt care really...i just wanted the work completed...
Randy: "ill need to borrow your ladder and a bucket and some chemicals" shocker!
randy worked like a fuggen maniac..always did.....he started cleaning, scrubbing...did all the low altitude parts...
i went inside for about an hour...i got so fuggen nervous that this methhead was going to kill himself...on my property (lawsuit) ...i kept checking on him....finally it got to where he was finished with the "safer" work...i told him to go bail his boys out...i gave him half the bid amount..
next day...i guess he bailed his crew out....they all showed up...never was nervous about randy not showing up...even if i prepaid him a little...he needed his money ...he needed his meth and beer....and his redhead...
wifey had a great idea...she drafted and printed out liability waivers for randy and his crew to sign...smart cookie me wifey...i told randy that he and crew were required to sign before detailing could commence....
randy: "sir..(always called me sir) uh..this is my brother and well..he cant read....or write."
wtf? wtf!!!!!!? i laughed ..out loud..this was one of the deliverance moments...we all have these from time to time....this was the most classic deliverance moments in my lifetime...
randy: "he can make his mark on the sheet tho....is that good?"
wtf? wtf?!!!!!!!!!!!...the deliverance moment (above) that was the most classic deliverance moments of all time....just moved into a second position...silver medal...this "make his mark" was the gold medal of all deliverance moments in my lifetime..he made his mark.."X"
talk about frightening..these meth heads were hanging from all points of my house...i was just waiting to hear a scream and a thud...they tied ropes around the chimney stack and around their ankles...theyd hold randys legs while he contorted into the underbelly of the gables...scrubbin, cleaning...wiping down...it was amazing...they finished and fuggen eh....they did a great job..
no damage to house...no damage to the methheads...win win!
randys cell phone is still not working....my guess is that he is serving time somewhere...or maybe he and the red head got married and moved to arkansas...
randy always called me looking for work...i sure couldve used him this am.....
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